What are you doing here? An Akatsuki Torture Story
by miragechick2
Summary: What happens when eleven deranged S-Rank criminals enter your house, try to kidnap you, and are looking for a specific person who you know? Rated T for a specific member's pottymouth and gross comments. ItachiXOC, SasoriXOC
1. The Time I Tried To Stay Awake

How could the world come to this? A black hole, a tsunami, or even being burned at the stake could be less painful than what I'm going through.

It started when a simple doorbell rang… a probable thousand times.

I had just finished watching a scary movie, and if you guessed Saw, you are 100% correct. My hands still shook from the cheesy suspense and my eyes were going to explode out of my sockets, ready to pack and leave for a vacation. Ugh, that happens all of the time when I stay up too late. I checked the alarm clock, the timer reading in bright red: 12:17 AM. Crap, I'm going to have to explain to my parents about the lack of sleep I've gotten when bags start to form over my eyes, like Itachi Uchiha from my favorite manga and anime, Naruto.

I was a big Akatsuki fan, I mean huge. I knew everything, from Tobi being Madara to Team Taka joining them (which I didn't like at all). My favorite was personally Itachi, being a huge fan girl, but the duo would not be complete without my second favorite, Kisame. Best. Team. Ever. No question about it.

I heard the doorbell ring when I was making my ice cream sundae, trying my best to attempt an all-nighter because early in the morning I had to leave to leave for school and present that stupid English Project that I worked my sweat and guts into. I swore under my breath, personally confused who was continuously ringing the doorbell like it was a joy button. Whoever it was, I was going to send them a very persuasive and aggressive look. I dragged my butt to the door, and with a sigh, I had opened the door. "Who the hell is at the door at this hour? You better have a good reason, prick, because I'm half asleep and on the verge of punching something!"

I unlocked the door, groggy and uninterested. If it was an advertisement salesman, I will have to kill him.

I opened the door, and my heart thumped.

I was looking at a pair of red eyes who grabbed onto my mentality like a fishing hook. He was accompanied by another person, but from the view of my peripheral vision, he was tall. Could it be?

My limbs gave out, and everything became cold and hazy. I fell backwards, but into the hands of the knockout. Everything went black before I was grabbed, and by the way this was planned, I was an indeed target. Damn you, Sharingan…


	2. Interrogations with the Tag Team

I woke up to two things… one: a splitting migraine, and two: someone going through the fridge. My parents were going to kill me for not defending myself, but again, it were those red eyes that had forced me to sleep. I tried to get up and kick them out for whatever reason the strangers were here for, but my hands and feet were tied together and I would move like a worm if I had decided to confront them personally. Yay.

"Well, well, someone is awake. That Sharingan didn't work for too long, Itachi-san."

I almost squealed at the person who noticed my eyes were open. There in the flesh was Hoshigaki Kisame, and man, did he look like he did in the anime. He was a beast, literally, and his blue skin, shark face, and huge Samehada made him look even more professional. He leaned in against me in interest, and turned to the direction of the kitchen, completely unaware that I was going crazy fan girl right now.

Making sure my fantasies came true, I turned my body around on the couch and faced him. "Are you a cosplay, because that's really good for an impersonator."

He ignored me, so spoke louder, but a different question. "Are you Kisame Hoshigaki? Hey, I'm talking to you, blue boy!"

He met my eyes, and murmured. "Yes." He turned around in surprise. "How did you know that, girlie?"

I smiled, making fun of him completely. "You've got to be kidding me, Fishstick."

His anger emotion triggered. He grabbed out his sword in a few milliseconds, and had it pointing to me. "What the hell did you say?" Wow, that sword is bigger than I thought it was.

"You know, threatening someone with a huge and dangerous thing while entering their apartment is not right. You and your little Akatsuki group have it in for me, I guess. But that… chakra eating shark skin sword thingy isn't going to persuade me that you are being serious."

He ignored my huge speech given, and his weapon was just a few inches from my face. "How do you know of the Akatsuki?"

"I know everything about you guys. Like for example, I can list all of the members without blinking an eye. Pein, Konan, Zetsu, Tobi, You, Itachi, Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, Sasori… yeah, that's it."

Kisame stared at me in shock, eyes widening with displeasure. Then he narrowed them, totally unaware of the fact that I was drooling over those rock hard abs. He said nothing, and yelled across the room. "Hey, Itachi! We have ourselves a problem here. Looks like someone knows a little too much information about us."

My jaw dropped, becoming Haley the Itachi fangirl again. Itachi's here? If my arms weren't tied, I would start combing out my snarly hair and get into some decent clothing. So much for that, damned shark. And why did I have too much information on them? This isn't the manga or anime, so I don't see why I pose as a threat to the best group of ninjas in history.

"Kisame? Where is she? I induced her into sleep an hour ago and yet I still do not have the information required."

I started squealing, going full out fangirl. I never meant to, but Itachi's voice was even hotter than fantasy. Kisame never hesitated and gagged my mouth with a strip of his cloth on his sword before I could say anything. I have to repeat myself. Damned shark. I wish Suigetsu was here to kick his ass.

Itachi entered the room, a model in the form of an evil gen-jutsu artist. So many thoughts entered my mind about glomping him, but that's too immature for me… or Itachi. He stood, black hair tied into a messy ponytail, and onyx eyes ready to kill. I would have gone crashing to the floor in amazement, but I was too into struggling with my bonds and the gag in my mouth. Itachi stared at me unemotionally, thinking I was the most irrelevant thing in the world to him.

"Kisame."

The shark on legs answered in a sneer. "Hmm?"

"She overpasses my jutsu in an hour. I intended for more than that. My eye is getting weaker for that mistake." He came to me and untied my gag. "What is your name?"

I never thought I would speak again, with the pressure of the gag off or the fact that Itachi Uchiha was talking to me. I blinked, and unintentionally blushed. Kisame laughed to himself, and I snapped back.

"Hey! I'm not happy with this situation right now, Sushi! At least he can get a girl!" Kisame sunk, and I continued from there, grinning, addressing Itachi, god of the shmex. "I'm Haley van Peterson." I batted my eyelashes at the Uchiha murderer and he ignored me, sighing. "Kisame, get up. Why do you question her for her securities?"

Kisame got up, doing just as he said. I smirked, and he glared at me, pinpointing his next victim of murder. "This little girl knows of Akatsuki and all of the members. She knew me when she saw me and you too. Who knows what else she knows." He grinned widely, pulling out Samehada swiftly. "Maybe we can rid of her part by part…"

I knew where this was going. I've seen too many episodes about this. "You're not shaving anything off! I like my legs, thank you very much, and I would like if you stop threatening me."

"So you have information on our group, the Akatsuki," Itachi mused, interrupting my defense against Kisame's ambition to shave me to bits. "Can you please tell me more about us that is not known to others?"

I mused, and then acted sarcastically to the tag team. "Oh yeah, sure, I'll give you some information… get out of my apartment before I dial the three numbers, you boneheads! No way would I! Do you think I'm an idiot? A powerful and evil organization like the Akatsuki is not my forte. Besides, if I told, I'd probably have my ass up on Konaha's wall."

"Then you do know everything about us, and the secrets of the Hidden Leaf?" Itachi questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Well duh! I'm not the only one in the world who knows about you guys!"

Kisame and Itachi exchanged inside glances, both of them considering something. Itachi sighed. "You know too much, then… and Kisame, I will personally handle it in my hands."

Kisame looked like the most depressed person in the world, holding his sword like he was going to break it any second. I laughed, and Kisame smiled, suggesting ideas for me.

"How about the Nightmare realm for her? She seems too in neglect to speak the truth."

I flinched, absolutely knowing about that, and Kisame gave me the evilest glare ever glared on the planet. I stuck my tongue out, having the worst retort ever. Itachi shook his head. "No. She's too fragile. She'll remember this and tell the whole world about-"

"How about you use your eyes the hypnotize her? She'll spill about the secrets of Konaha, then you'll make her forget about the organization, and we'll expose of her in seconds. It's a lot less chakra, and more pleasure on my part," Kisame suggested, making sure that I heard what he said clearly. I shook and struggled with my bonds. I saw Itachi, and he was thinking about it, actually considering it. They clearly don't understand in the meaning of innocence.

Itachi shared, pushing his flippy black bangs out of his face. I sighed unintentionally, seeing that done before in the anime, and that move made me melt. "Kisame, you may have a plan, here, but I want to make her open personally. We'll do it later when the rest of the organization gets here."

My mind spaced out. THERE WERE MORE COMING? Damn, I'm going to refill on toilet paper and pillows if I'm the captive of my favorite notorious gang of people ever to come to life.

Captain Shmex pushed his hair back again, annoyed by his long bangs. "Well, what do we do with her now that she knows of our plans?"

"Hey!" I yelled, grabbing their needed attention. "I'm not a victim here. I'm just stuck in a bad situation. This isn't the manga or the anime, here-"

"What are you talking about, Haley-kun?" Itachi murmured, eyes riveted to me. "What are these mangas or animes you talk constantly about?"

I flipped my blonde hair to the side, acting like a drama queen next to two S-Rank ninjas. "Why the hell should I tell you, Uchiha? I'm not spilling the beans." My behavior reminded me of those old movies when the police bring the suspect into question and shine the light in his eyes. Right now, I'm the freaking suspect, except that I didn't do anything illegal. These guys are doing something illegal, invading the apartment, kidnapping a sixteen year old girl for random questioning, oh yeah, and let's not forget that they escaped the Naruto world and came here without passports. What kind of a security do we have for not noticing a walking, talking blue boy and a murderer walking around in black and red cloaks? I swear will run for president just for that. I'll run because of Itachi and Kisame… if I make it out alive…

Kisame frowned, being Jaws serious and Itachi mused unemotionally. I wonder what they were going to do to me. I imagined myself in Saw, kidnapped and in a white room, trying to deactivate or find something without getting killed in the process, and Kisame and Itachi would be behind the puppet. I shivered, not ready for that yet.

"So what do we do?" Kisame questioned, sword still in hand, ready to shave off my skin.

Itachi paused and came back, eyes locked onto mine. "We can rest for the night until the others show up in a few minutes. For the meantime and for the sake of the Leader, we need her quiet. So here," he handed his shark for a partner the gag, "cover her mouth and I'll finish the rest."

Kisame looked rather happy that his good-looking god of a partner suggested that. I struggled, moving like a worm. "No way in hell, Fillet O' Fish! I'm not standing still!"

Itachi shrugged. "Then I have no choice."

"Then what the hell are you going to-"

I made the biggest mistake in pathetic history. Itachi turned on his little Sharingan again, and not to my will, I fell asleep again, my head drooping down into a no dream zone. I felt Kisame pick me up, but nothing else but sleep came to mind.


	3. Barbie, Lolly, and Pinochio

My head pounded, and my hands were falling asleep in this situation of me getting tied up by a gang of wanted anime criminals. Kisame's going to be fish meat, while Itachi can hopefully go blind very soon. That stupid eye of his really wants me to shoot it with a bullet. I wish I was actually resistant and could stand a chance against these guys for once. All this time, I've been kidnapped in my own house, questioned by Jaws and Al Capone, and knocked out by Itachi's dojutsu. I'm planning to kill him, and Kisame. He was the one who suggested the effective plan later, which I strongly don't want to participate in, but they didn't care less. The funny thing is that Itachi whips his blue ass when needed, which helps me out a lot, but then I realize that I have Itachi Uchiha; the depressed mastermind is the one I now have to deal with. He's really hot, and a fangirl like me would usually drool over him, but his attitude just throws me off the course. My eyes finally came into view of my living room, and someone was beside me, poking me rapidly. I closed my eyes again, realizing who it was.

"Haley-chan! Haley-chan! Wake up!"

A familiar voice in the background heard him and spoke in regular annoyance, like he was used to this type of behavior every day. "Shut up, Tobi! You have no manners waking our prisoner up from the Sharingan's spell. Now walk away before she really does wake up." Deidara's footsteps were heard across the wood flooring, and Tobi sighed in disappointment. I wanted to meet them. I moved myself in their view like a worm, and thankfully, there was no gag on my mouth to shut me up. Nice try, Kisame.

"Actually, he woke me up. Thanks, Tobi."

The two partners had exchanged looks on what to do with me. Oh no. This is going to be like the Itachi and Kisame episode again. Deidara and Tobi came to me, and by the way that Tobi tilted his head, he was excited about my presence. Deidara scanned me for any suspicions, but narrowed his dusk blue eye when he frowned at his results.

"Hmm, a little girl. Looks like we'll get some decent information out of her…"

I almost coughed in annoyance. I knew he was as much as a bitch as he was in the anime. "Hey, Barbie, why don't you help and untie me? Quit brushing your blondie hair and help me."

He laughed, twisting my own blonde hair. He was breathing down the side of my neck, and smiled while Tobi watched in amusement. "A wiseass, then, hmm. Tobi, don't let her trick you. She has no value to us." He turned around and flipped his perfect ponytail in the air. What a drama queen.

Suddenly a loud clanking sound from my room made contact with the floor in the opposite side of the apartment, and I heard the yells of the zombie brothers, Hidan and Kakuzu. Great, I can spend time here with an old rag doll and an immortal 'womanizer'. I struggled again while Tobi and Deidara gathered and talked. I needed a plan before I get into this so called hypnosis thing with Itachi and be gradually killed by shark on legs. Deidara and Tobi… wait, TOBI! There we go, finally something I had thought of that was intelligent. If I had my hands, I'd applaud and if I had legs, I'd do a victory dance.

Sir. Bitchiness and Lollipop Face came back to me, keen on my future responses from them. I wiggled to their side of the couch, smirking, still over anxious and proud of myself. Deidara eyed me, and came to me, along with his faithful sidekick.

"So, have you decided to talk, hmm? We can't wait all day, and we really need to get the information before it's too late for you, girl." Deidara leaned into me, and I looked curiously at Tobi.

"Hey, Madara?"

Deidara saw my head turned towards Tobi, and the little squirt panicked under the pressure of the forceful and impatient glare of his partner. Tobi turned around stupidly, pointing to himself to cover it up. "Wait… me?"

I sighed intentionally as more swearing from Hidan blasted through the ceiling. "No duh. Besides, you are the leader-"

Madara had finally accepted his defeat in giving into me. He rushed over to where I was tied up on the couch and started un-doing the various knots that Kisame had tied. Deidara stared at Tobi like he had just realized that he looked like a girl. "Are you crazy, you baka, hmm? She's the key to this whole mission!"

Tobi turned and put his hands in front of him, trying to keep innocent of himself. "No, no, Senpai! Really, it's nothing! This girl just needs to have some fresh air! Haley-chan is dying from these ropes! Really!"

Deidara narrowed his eyes at me, then leaned back, his mouth hands into his little clay bags. "Fine, whatever. She's not going anywhere, though, hmm."

I took the highest appraise for myself. I never stopped my smiling and silently dissing Deidara as he sat at the recliner, molding something non-artistic. I looked back at the ashamed Tobi, and he whispered in my ear a cold and angry voice. Ouch, Madara was harsher than I thought.

"Listen, girl, this was your only lucky shot. My members will tag your ass onto your gravestone in seconds. Now tell me, how do you know this information?"

He finally got his lean fingers onto the looseness of the rope, and my wrists were free from binding. I moved them, and cringed from not just the soreness, but also making fun of Madara while gaining my victory. "Well, first, I'm not telling you anything about everything I heard. Second, all I have to say to your members is that you are really-"

"Okay, so you get the idea that I am who… I am. I will give you leeway, but you're too much of a main tool for our mission. If you say one more word to anyone, I can reassure your death by the end of today. Understand the concept?"

I paused, still on hold about this entire plan. How did they get here? Why am I wanted? What the hell are they looking for? Ah, too many questions pounding in my head. I faced him, and Deidara turned, making something of a demented butterfly.

"Yeah," I said, clearly bluffing, "And by the way, tell DEIDARA that his CLAY THINGS SUCK."

The Barbie doll's little art project cracked under his trembling fist, and his face turned red.

I turned to him while Madara was doing my feet in annoyance. "Don't pretend like you don't hear me, pretty prep star. Good luck in art class. You'll need it."

Tobi's voice came back in its sickening bubbly tone. "Senpai! She didn't mean it! I swear! She's a bad girl!" He turned to me in that ice cold tone. "… very bad…"

I smirked, and Tobi left along with his blondie girlfriend, not happy about me. I bet they hoped that Kisame wouldn't kill me off, and would like to do it personally themselves. Whatever. Good luck with that. Thank god that my hands and feet were untied, because I want to kick all of them out before my parents show up from Cancun in a few days. Imagine getting rid of all of these S-Ranked Missing Nin from an anime/manga thing… it's going to have to take a while.

I started limping off of the couch, and in my sight, no witness was there. I grinned and made tiny steps to the home phone, smooth like James Bond… okay, maybe not that smooth, but I reached it in time. Yes! The Po-Po are going to hear from me tonight!

I dialed the number, but the hands of a wooden someone reached my neck at a length. I shrank to knowing who it was.

"Haley, you shouldn't be dialing the number of the members who might kill you."

Oh no. It was Chuckie, the wooden creepy puppet, or as I refer to as Sasori-danna. Deidara's boyfriend. Oh crap.

I asked the stupidest question to the second hottest person in the group of terrorists invading my apartment. "Hey, is it true that you, Deidara, and Tobi are doing three way?"

Sasori tilted his redhead in confusion. "What?"

"Well, you and Deidara got it close, and Tobi's liked Deidara for some time now… hey! Is it also true your nose grows when you lie?" I enjoyed every moment of every insult to him.

He understood that humiliation blow quickly and pushed my head into the wall furiously. My head smacked, and I went to the ground in pain. "OW! What the hell was that for?"

The puppeteer laughed coldly, smirking lightly. "You're wishing for a deathbed, and a new puppet for my army, little girl. Come, you're needed for the inspection."

I resisted his splintery tug on my head. "Dude, this is my house. I stay where I want to and I have the authority to call the…"

I don't think he knew who the Po-Po were, so I tried something out of the Naruto language.

"… The AMBU," I threatened, crossing my arms in defiance, "They'll find me and kick your ass."

Sasori's wooden hand slowly went down my neck coldly and squeezed on something on my neck. Damn it, a pressure point. My vision blurred, and I went down like a rock.


	4. TOBI IS MADARA!

I've got to start resisting against these guys if I have a chance.

I woke up again for the third time tonight, and I sat on the kitchen chair. Tied up again. Sigh. This might as well kill me at the end.

I opened my eyes, and the blurry sight of a blue skinned man approached me, a grin implanted upon his fishy face, teeth like my collection of kitchen knives.

"Kisame…" I stuttered, shaking uncontrollably to escape my bonds. "You're dead."

He simply laughed at me, and drew out his Samehada. Then I looked at the background, my eyes still adjusting to the scenery. The whole collection of criminals were facing me, staring at the resistance I had become. Damn, I wish I had super awesome ninja powers to escape these bastards… but I don't. I shook, trying to get out of my kitchen chair, but a certain orange pop haired pierced freak god thing came to me in defiance. "I don't agree with your tactics of escaping," he murmured, trying to restrain me with his words. I stood still, looking up at Pein with wide eyes. He seriously needs to take some happy pills, because he needs something fun in his life. He almost looks as miserable as Dr. Shmex (Itachi), and that's as bad as it gets. I looked at Kisame, the great white freak grinning in victory. Seriously dude, consider getting yourself the worst partner in history, the emo Itachi Uchiha. I wonder what that's like, having the exact opposite partner on your side. Itachi's good at gen jutsu, he's miserable, depressed, and needs to see Dr. Phil about his Sasuke problems, and he's SMOKING HOT. Kisame's good with a sword, he's a hell of a fun guy, and he's… a shark man. Well, you have the idea.

Anyways, I narrowed my eyes at the unemotional redhead Pinocchio in anger. "Dude! Why the hell did you knock me out with your little… pinchie on the neck thing? All of you guys, I'd appreciate if I'd not get knocked out, passed out, or put to sleep anymore… because it's starting to annoy me!"

Hidan laughed loudly in the background, saying the words: "Crazy psycho Bitch!" Kakuzu later told him to shut up and stop trying to be a womanizer when he's a pathetic loser. I've always loved Kakuzu.

The leader had beckoned everyone in the room down and stared down at my face in hard rock emotion. "Haley-chan, we will not harm you in anyway. I promise as the god of this pitiful world."

"THEN WHY THE HELL AM I TIED UP, CARROT HEAD?"

He tensed. Ha! I made the unstoppable Pein hesitate with my whining. It should be declared as a usable jutsu, _The Bitch-and- Whine- No-Jutsu._ I would be invincible.

Pein relaxed, then blinked in pretend boredom. "We are in need of your services. As all of us could tell, you are resistant to telling us about the secrets of the Hidden Leaf. As Itachi would have advised you, we plan to use an induced hypnosis gen-jutsu on you to tell us about the location of where you found this specific information and where the kyuubi Jinchuuriki is located in this universe."

I laughed unintended. What idiots. "Whoa, whoa, Pein. I can't allow that before questions are fully answered on my part. Listen, we don't have to use Itachi's gen-jutsu on me. I can tell you myself without lies. But I want to know why and how you came here, why you picked me to bully, and how you all plan to do whatever stupid think you plan to do. I promise if you promise."

Some murmurs echoed through the living room, and I grinned at the sight of a confused Pein. Itachi stepped forwards, and all team members came into a huddle, which I thought was totally weird, but effective. Eh, whatever. I wasn't planning to tell the truth, but I wanted to see their faces when they look at their deaths in the manga. I laughed to myself, and struggled with the various knots holding me in place on the chair. Someone's stomach growled above me, and I looked up at the stomach itself. It was Zetsu, green and desperately starving with Tobi/Madara tugging on his cloak.

"Hey, Haley-chan? Zetsu wants… eh, what was it that you wanted, Zetsu Senpai?"

His answer came from his over emo and emotional black half. "FOOD… FLESH… MEAT…"

I didn't know what to say to either of them, because I was in a state of total awkwardness. "Umm… there's raw meat in the top left corner of the fridge…?"

Zetsu looked directly at my eyes with yellow orbs, which were actually lovely to stare at, but he turned for the food location in my kitchen. I sighed, and decided to talk to Tobi while the Akatsuki were in major decision about my fate.

"So… I'm still in confusion on why you hide your face, Madara. Is it bad acne? Or is it you are too ashamed to come out? Aw, don't be shy, or people will start supporting the Obito is Tobi theory."

He rolled his one eye, and came back at me, totally honest. "Heh. That's funny. You should tell jokes like that in hell."

"Geez, meanie. No wonder you hide your face in a mask. You're a big jerk and you don't want anyone to know that MADARA-"

He covered my mouth with his hand and I continued to struggle. Only Deidara noticed that I had spoken loudly, but after a while and a cold look from the Barbie princess, he turned his head to the Leader. Madara spoke coldly again.

"Have you not learned your lesson, girl? I could end you right now, and yet, you still insult me and threaten me with spilling secrets. You're lucky you need to live for information. I'm going back there to tell Nagato that he should support the idea of truth by mind force and killing quickly and in confusion. Don't manage my temper, little Haley-chan."

I bit his hand with the canine teeth sharp on his flesh, and he leaped about two feet in the air. I laughed, and Tobi returned to his fake self within the span of a second. "Leader-sama! Tobi has an idea!"

I pushed his buttons again. "Well, I guess I can announce that MA-"

Tobi panicked again, clearly being an idiot, and exploded into a total spaz. "Don't listen to her, guys! She's insane! She's a bad girl!"

The leader mused, and the group split up."Yes, well, now that that's disputed, we've decided as a clan to remain you conscious for now, but if you tell a lie to one of my members or continue your further behavior, there will be consequences, and harsh ones at that. Is that clear?"

I leaned into him, fluttering my eyelashes as much as possible. "Crystal."


	5. Ha! Your fates suck!

I do not own Naruto in any ways necessary, just to tell y'all.

PLEASE COMMENT, RATE! I want to know what you've thought about it so far, if it's thumbs up or thumbs down, or write whatever you think, just comment. I appreciate it!

Warning: Contains some pottymouth language from our favorite Jashinist (you know who!)

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

I leaned into the group of criminals, who kept staring at me, incredible to the fact I wasn't scared out of my mind about their questions to me and their threatening of my death. I would just laugh at their attempt, and pretend like they never existed. Life goes like that, doesn't it?

Pain narrowed his dull purple eyes, which actually really annoyed me because they were so buggy and creepy. I backed up the chair which I was attached to, and the Leader breathed deeply, knowing this would be a long questioning. I grinned goofily, and he rolled those buggers 360, very annoyed.

"I will have the limits of my patience, Haley, and we can kill you at any minute. Understood?"

I tossed my bed-head to the side, impatient with Pain. "Yeah, yeah. I'm a captive, I'm an important source of info, and I'm going to be killed if I don't tell the truth…"

Hidan called out from the back of my kitchen. "And you're a crazy psycho Bitch who doesn't listen to the leader whose dick is probably pierced, too!"

The Leader ignored him, while Kisame, Tobi, Deidara, and I were laughing our heads off hysterically.

"Hidan, don't temper with the Leader," Kakuzu stated, deadly serious, "Your ass will be his in a second."

Hidan grinned. "Does grandpa need his fucking hearing aid turned up? I'll do what I want, old rag doll!"

If I wasn't in my chair, I would have rolled on the floor in laughter, just like the only three people with a sense of humor in this room. Hidan was always funny, but also hilariously, he didn't know it. He was too much of an idiot. That's why I find him as one of my favorites.

Dr. Shmex, Pinocchio, and Mr. Cannibal almost looked depressed when he said that. Kisame, Deidara, and Tobi couldn't revive from that once in a lifetime funny moment. Kakuzu was practically attacking Hidan with scolding, and Hidan was just swearing the whole time, praying to Jashin that Kakuzu would be sent to hell. Pain shouted in his commanding baritone voice, and everyone stopped what they had been doing and stayed silent, focusing on the speaker. Man, that pierced carrot top was good.

"Now that we all have readjusted from Hidan's inappropriate comment…" I snickered from the background, still in tears, "…now is the time for our assignment to officially begin. We have caught our victim, kept her in place, and now she will tell us all about-"

"-Hey, hey, hey," I interrupted, averting my eyes away from Pain's in greed, "I wanted to know why you chose me to pick on, why and how the hell you all are in my house, and how you want to carry out this plan of yours. I'm not telling, and I will resist Itachi's Sharingan powers if you aren't fine on sharing this info with me. Deal… or no deal?"

I heard whispers in the crowd, including an often heard, "Well, she's the one in the chair," and, "I don't know. She's kinda whinny," or, "She probably won't remember this anyway".

Pain directed everyone to his attention. "Now, she's the source of information on our team mission, so… if we tell you everything you want to know, you'll tell us about what we have to ask?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

Pain turned around, the buggers looking down on the criminal group. "That's our agreement, then." He turned to me, eyes glued onto my face, almost like I was his dinner. I tried to back up from him, but the chair held me in place. Stupid kitchen chair. "Begin."

I let everything out in one breath. "Okay… HOW THE HELL ARE YOU ALL HERE? YOU CAN'T JUST COME IN THE REAL WORLD AND KIDNAP SOMEONE IN THEIR OWN HOME, DEMANDING… I don't even know, but I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL!"

Kisame stood and laughed as the floor shook. I rolled my eyes, and continued, despite the annoying shark man in the back of the room. "I. Want. Answers."

Pain narrowed his buggers and spoke, trying to get me to not resist his powerful gaze. Are all of these guys full of themselves like Sir. Bitchiness about his crappy clay projects? Yeah, they probably are.

I blew the hair dangling in front of my eyes to the side and looked at Pain in demanding. He responded, totally unemotional. Again, I suggest that he, Itachi, Sasori and Black Zetsu get high on some happy pills. That ought to do the trick. Hmm… I'll plan that if I don't get killed.

"It's a complicated story that you might be too immature to understand, but if you are in exchange for information about our dimension, then I will gladly tell you what you want to know." Hidan groaned in incoming boredom, and Pain faced him, giving him the over the top emo pierced pissed off god glare. The immortal zealot backed away, and Kakuzu chuckled to himself, making complete fun of his idiot of a partner. The Leader continued; everyone silent for his story.

"Yes, continuing, we had been chasing for the trail of the kyuubi, a main target for our organization. He had been escorted by Hatake Kakashi-"

"-Oh my lawd!" I squealed, totally unaware that ten S-Rank criminals were watching my reaction. They stared at me, some frowning and others totally unreadable (aka: Itachi the hot emo red eyed wonder). I held my stand. "Okay, okay, so I know like… everyone. I'll tell you all later. But for right now, Pain, just go on. I won't interrupt anymore."

"I'll make sure of that personally," mumbled Zetsu's innocent white half, staring me down with those lamp like eyes. I backed off with my chair, and beckoned Pain to continue. He nodded unemotionally.

"Hatake Kakashi had been paroling with Uzumaki Naruto along with his companions. I made my move, trying to follow them, capture the kyuubi, and kill off the others without being noticed. When they had given up their guard, we had attacked, and half of their AMBU guards had been killed by us, we with plenty of leftover chakra. When they stood petrified, Deidara attacked blindly…" He glared at Princess Blondie with a menacing look in his eye, along with the other members, except for Konan, who sat patiently, observing me. Deidara, his nature being a defiant little hot head, turned his head the other way, arms crossed, and nose up, being a snoot. "Well, they don't have the courage to stand up to me, hmm," Deidara tried to persuade; "They can't handle the true power of my art."

"You mean… YOUR CRAP?" I yelled, and I got many chuckles in the background, Tobi/Madara almost gagged with laughter, and with his hotheadedness, Deidara yanked Tobi by his dark head, boiling red. "YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OF MAKING FUN OF ME, TOBI!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, Deidara's fist enclosed on his neck now.

Tobi's response came in quivers. "Yes… Senpai… I didn't mean it… Tobi is a good boy!"

I smirked while Deidara furiously flipped his Barbie blonde ponytail over to my direction. "Well, you really don't need Tobi to make fun of yourself, Deidara."

I swear, almost everyone laughed at that one. Kisame's beady eyes were almost filled with tears, and Tobi couldn't help but throw his head back and roar. Even Itachi had smirked. I stood shocked at what I thought was Dr. Emo Shmex almost laughing. Now my ambition was to become a famous comedian like Dane Cook (I love that guy, and no one could top him), just from my visit with ten S-Rank criminals. I have my career all worked out now.

The laughter died eventually, but seized when Pain had given everyone a furious stare. "Geez, man, way to ruin a party… I was having fun here," I muttered, sourhearted towards the Leader of the Akatsuki.

He faced me with his pierced face and talked like he was the Grim Reaper. "If you continue to create distractions during our interrogation, there will personally be torture in your future, and we will enforce the other tactic."

That was the last thing I wanted to think about. No way am I going to be Zetsu chow or Kisame's chew toy. No way, Jose. I'll keep my fat ass mouth shut. "Kay, kay! I understand, god. Now please go if you want to know about the kyuubi."

He did what I wanted him too, those purple ringed eyes staring me down with pressure. "As I had said, Deidara had attacked…" I glanced quickly at Barbie, who curled up against Sasori no-danna, really red. Nice move, blondie. Go make yourself comfortable with your wooden boyfriend. "...and Hatake Kakashi ha counterattacked brutally, with the use of his taken Sharingan. It had created a portal to another dimension, and as chosen at random, this accursed world. It activated, and to his fortune and horror, it had sucked all of us members into it and also Hatake Kakashi, the kyuubi jinchuuriri Uzumaki Naruto, and some of his friends. We traveled for the portion of a second, and we landed in the middle of nowhere, or apparently, near your living station. We had failed temporarily, having no information of where we were, losing Hatake and the kyuubi, and having no food, water, or shelter. There are three reasons why we are here: one, for the necessities we need in order to maintain our organization, two: for information about this waste of a planet and a tracker for the kyuubi, and three: to return back to our dimension safely, dispose of Hatake and others, and to capture and extract the kyuubi."

I blinked, trying to interpret all of this. "So Kakashi kicked all of your asses, his, Naruto's, and his friends… all in the same day? That's pretty good progress, for someone who won't show himself, kinda like Tobi over there… well, I'll give you that, except for the blatant mistake Deidara made-"

"-Hey, hmm!" The prep star peered over Pinocchio, ready to slip a bomb from under my nose. "That was an attack, and I couldn't help but try and kill that ninja! I've never met him, but I had the feeling of wanting to crush him, hmm!"

My eyes widened. "Wait, you've never met him in battle before?"

The amateur artist shook his head, causing his flippy ponytail to flop left to right. Sasori no-emotions stared him down until the blonde was ready to talk. "No, not really," he answered, narrowing his sharp blue eye with suspicion. "Why?"

"Well, I have the answer to that in my room, on the top part of my book shelf," I smiled oh so matter-of-factly, "I would get them myself, but as you all see, I'm tied up, thanks to a certain blue skinned man in the third row." I stared Kisame down, as well as some members. Itachi didn't even look at him.

"Hey, hey, there, girlie," Kisame defended, "You deserved it. We need you for the good of us."

Pain cut him off immediately. "Patience, Kisame. Now Haley… what do they look like?"

I laughed evilly, the organization of nonrealistic criminals needing my help. Madara's fists clenched together, not liking the idea that Pain was following my orders to get the mangas. I stuck my tongue out to him directly, but he was still in Tobi world, pretending not to see that. I rolled my eyes, and Pain turned to the group for assistance. "Hidan, Kakuzu, look in Haley's bedroom, on the bookshelf where she had described. Take all of whatever she has and bring it here immediately."

Kakuzu rolled his green eyes and Hidan murmured in a tantrum, stomping on the floor to the stairs, probably saying things no one should repeat. Meanwhile, I looked around the room for someone to talk to. Deidara locked eyes with me, and suddenly, a little pink streak appeared on my face. Oh no, that's not good at all. Don't look in his eye, Haley. He has a boyfriend… or maybe not. That was the first time I've ever really connected with Deidara, but it should be the last. His sky blue eye widened, and he coughed, trying to recover his voice.

"Hey, how did you know about the connection between me and that Kakashi person, hmm?" he asked out of mind. I grinned in response.

"Because I had a valuable source of information-"

I twitched from not only the pressure of the rope on my ankles and wrists, but from the swearing, crashing of property, and smashing of windows. They came down after a second; carrying piles of my mangas, everyone from each scene, from the early Naruto's to the Shippuden's. I saw a few jaw drops, and after the zombie duo brought it to Pain, laying it in fury to his feet. They stormed off, pissed off probably about another argument. Pain nodded, flipping the newest one I got yesterday. I stood in my chair, unable to snag the book away from the Leader's grubby hands. "Hey, dude! That's the newest one! I haven't finished reading that one yet!"

The whole gang ignored me and began taking numerous copies. "Fine, whatever. You'll find out the hard way, then, well, for most of you, anyways."

They all turned their heads towards me in confusion. Itachi murmured in a deep voice. "What is it, Haley-chan?"

I would have melted like a Popsicle, but I had to be cool in the presence of an Uchiha. My smile widened as I spoke. "These specific books are called mangas, and they are transformed into action cartoons, called anime. You all were made by Kishimoto, the creator of you all, and the Narutoworld. Each of your fates, actions, personalities are all found out the by the public for the purpose of entertainment… so all of you were created by us and are read and watched by millions of people all over the world. And also… you can find out your fates in there, too."

Everyone looked furious with the idea that they were created for the enjoyment of us, but they became curious. Each member tried to find themselves in the mangas, desperately wanting to know what goes on in their future. I heard a girly scream, and I grinned evilly. Deidara found his fate.

"That's not possible, hmm! I lost two of my arms! Stupid Shikaku and Hatake… they think they're cooler than me just because they ripped out my arms…"

Some started chuckling, and Deidara gave everyone a nasty girl glare. They backed off and dove right into the manga. Another reaction came in, and it was caused by swearing really loudly. "Hey, cover your mouth-"

"How the fuck can I cover my mouth when I'm in going to be in a world of shit, buried alive by this dickhead, Shikamaru? Son of a BITCH!"

"Yeah, you got pwned by him, sorry," I sighed sarcastically, "Too bad, you killed his teacher… that lead up to some bad revenge on your part."

I silently watched Itachi, as we began to flip at the manga in which he died in. He slowly smiled, knowing that in the future, he would keep his brother safe and satisfied. Finally, he got the Dr. Phil talk and decided to let his brother kill him. I felt a kind of tug in my stomach, like happiness, or something like that. Ew, gross. I'll get it off of me soon.

I went on to Konan, who patiently took one of the many and flipped the pages softly, respecting the paper as her own. Her amber eye flowed the writing, and sometimes, they had widened, and by the part where she had blessed Naruto with her paper flowers, she smirked in victory. I've always liked her, and the fact that she could handle the insanity these boys give her. I wonder how many times she's been peered in the shower. Who knows how many perverts are on the Akatsuki, with all of them being ruthless criminals who care only for themselves. Poor Konan. I wish she'd kick Pain where it hurts, flip him off, and go find peace somewhere else, like the recycling bin with other papers.

On to Kisame. King Neptune himself. He reached nonchalantly for a manga, and roughly flipped through the pictures and captions, practically skimming. When he got to a page I haven't seen, his beady eyes widened in his own horror. Then it hit me. Ha! It's where he gets decapitated by my home-slice Killer Bee and A, the Raikage. I smirked like the devil, and then he frantically skims every page, finding himself actually in his sword, hiding to infiltrate the Village Hidden in the Clouds. Jaws yelled in victory, and I practically laughed out of my chair the way he had found out.

Sasori flushed, finding out he was beaten by pinkie Sakura and his own grandma. I see it in the headlines: 'Grandma smacks Aca Suna No Sasori in the wooden balls'. You go, Grandma Chiyo! His hands trembled, sadly knowing he committed that for the sake of regaining love from his dead parents. That's sweet, but Deidara will grieve his death almost too much, well, being his boyfriend. Pinocchio as your boyfriend. Heh. Good luck, Barbie.

Zetsu next. I couldn't tell what he felt like, creepily being two very different people, but he patiently read each person and each other their actions and personalities. For Zetsu himself, there are many names to retort to. Stalker. Creeper. Big Green Human Eater. (Ha! I rhymed!) All of them are true, and he admits it, too. I bet he's thinking about all of the corpses he's going to eat after he's done. I bet a lot more people will be killed and devoured by him when he spies on the Konaha ninjas for their weaknesses. More meat for the scary dinosaur plant mutant.

Kakuzu doesn't care about anyone, but himself and… you all thought it… HIS MONEY! He read the part about being dead, and to my surprise, he didn't care as much, I mean who would, being 92 freaking years old and still killing ass? But he came as a shock for him; the old ragged ninja flipping furiously on what happens when dies. Did the organization collapse when I left? Hell no. It just lost one member, so what. What the hell happened with my precious money? Well, actually, they took it for the Akatsuki's advantage. Sadly, for one of my favorite attitudes in the organization, Kakuzu only was used for their benefit, and besides, he killed so many others. Poor old man dies and leaves his money for the Akatsuki to recover. Poor Kakuzu.

Madara/Lollipop lingered until he reached the last copy, then bent down and leaned in the corner of the living room, one copy in hand, reading with his available eyehole. I narrowed my eyes at him, he was extremely mysterious, for Tobi, but for Madara Uchiha, he was cool, and I never say that to anybody, and I bet under that mask, he was really cute, maybe even as hot as Dr. Shmex. Ah, Haley, stop it, they're all non-realistic S-Rank criminals from a manga that you read too much of, yeah, that's it. Madara was unemotional under his mask, but I could tell he was soaking up as much info as possible. He wants it all, and unfortunately, I respect him for that. Sigh. I miss the old Tobi.

Pain looked at me, and I glanced at him unemotionally. He brought up the deep voice, and everyone turned their heads, learning everything about themselves. The Leader of their group slowly grinned, and then faced me in victory.

"Haley, thank you so much for your services right now, as we speak."

My blue eyes widened surprised by this response. Wow, this was a clear first from Mr. Piercings himself. "Okay, sure-"

"-I wasn't finished talking, yet," he muttered, clearing his voice. "We require more of your services… we need the kyuubi, and we won't let you go until we retrieve him for our sake."

I knew this was a bad idea from the start. I tugged on the ropes, screaming over-dramatically as each Akatsuki member grinned in a sign of resistance on my part. "NO WAY! Naruto is the only thing stopping this crap heap of an organization! I'm not accepting this agreement anymore!" My chair wiggled, and my wrists were tightly bonded together. Stupid blue man and his tying skills. "This isn't happening, MADARA UCHIHA!"

Everything stopped. All life paused for the name I had screamed to the heavens. Madara didn't hesitate with me, running up to me, and staring me down with that one eye. For the third time tonight, the Sharingan had lured me in, my knees wobbling, and my head drowsy with the forceful sleep. My eyes closed, but I hoped if I die, I'd haunt Madara Uchiha until he'd pee his pants in fright. Oh yes… I'll get my revenge…


	6. Mombo with the Zombo Combo

**Author's Note:**

**Me: Hey guys! I wanted to say thanks for all of the reviews so far, and a special mention to Kakashi Forever, who had been really supportive in giving me feedback every chapter so far! **

**Itachi: Yay… woohoo… hurrah… okay this is irrelevant…**

**Me: Itachi-kun, this is for everyone who has liked my story. Now cheer, and STOP BEING EMO!**

**Itachi *sighs* Hurrah! **

**Me: That's awful. I bet Kisame can do it better than you.**

**Kisame: Yay! Thanks! Please review for miragechick2!**

**Itachi: Kisame, you're a girl.**

**Kisame: *waves pom-poms in the air* At least I have spirit!**

**Me: Hehe! This is why I prefer you over Itachi… And you rhymed on that last part, too! *to viewers* Thanks so far, and I hope you enjoy more of Akatsuki! Please review, or I'll send Itachi to your house and he can bitch about his problems.**

**Itachi: I can't believe she prefers Kisame… *starts beetle position in a corner* **

6

Okay, this is getting ridiculous.

Someone was carrying me by my legs, my head bobbing like an apple in water. The least they could do is not drag me on the cement. Wait… CEMENT?

I opened my eyes, the sunlight from outside burning my eyes to a crisp. I recovered, and didn't go blind (kinda like Itachi), but I tried to rub my eyes. No… wait… my hands were still tied. Freaking rope.

I wanted to see who the hell was dragging me with my face on the ground, so I tried to swing myself to see who was in front of the carrier. I saw butt hidden under the cloak, but I never would have guessed who was carrying me when I saw who wasn't.

Kakuzu was in the lead in the middle of some street I hardly recognized, and the holder…

"OY! KAKUZU! Where the fuck are we going? This is the middle of nowhere!"

Kakuzu rolled his luminous green eyes in annoyance, having dealt with Hidan's bitching for probably the thousandth time today. "Hidan, patience is a valuable part of what I spend on this damned organization. I suggest you use it, or someone's heart will be taken out."

This is the reason that Kakuzu remains one of my favorites. We both hate Hidan, and we both want him to be eaten by Zetsu, live in that black hole he has for a stomach, and still be alive to see his body parts be digested by whatever mutant acids are in the psycho cannibal's body. Ah, what sweet silence, no swearing, just torturous screams from the inside of Zetsu's belly. Hehe, what a bad way to go down.

"What about if I pray to Jashin-sama to lead us the way to the kyuubi?"

I laughed hysterically, and then I realized my mistake, trying to cover my big fat mouth. Too late.

Hidan dropped me right on my face, and let go of my feet, in alert that I was a tick about to suck his blood out. I felt like a freaking worm, with my hands and feet tied together so that I could only escape from the Zombie Combo by making my way through without my arms and legs. Heh, that's a thought… two S-Rank criminal ninjas chasing after a girl who is trying to get away by wiggling across the street.

I felt the hood of my sweatshirt being raised, and myself along with it. God, do these guys work out that much? If Hidan was replaced my Kisame the wonder shark, I'd probably be flung to the other side of the earth. That guy has awesome muscles. But Hidan, compared to any other person I know, was still looking like macho man. I had to give it to him, because I was impressed by the little strain he had to show when grabbing onto me.

Hidan lifted me so I could see his face; and Kakuzu as a second deal. His purple-pink eyes burned into mine, like poison.

"Dude, you know you have very girly eyes," I pointed out oh-so-matter-of-factly, "They compliment your beautiful blue nail polish and slicked back hair… wow, do you always use this brand of shampoo?"

Hidan, completely insulted, rose up his tri-scythe to my neck and grinned like a madman. Geez, man, calm down. You're acting like Juugo. "Time to die for what you have said, bitch!"

Kakuzu faced him calmly. "Hidan, you imbecile, she's our main key. If you kill her, then I have to face the consequences… and Leader will have my head… and my next paycheck!" Kakuzu looked like he was on the verge of crying, then going suicidal. Can't wait to see that.

Hidan glared at his greedy partner in hatred, and then lowered me down so that I was upright and miraculously standing. Good, I was two steps away from running away like a complete idiot. "Good," I murmured under my breath, the immortals watching me with intense security, "Okay, I want to complain!"

Hidan cocked his over-gelled hair topped head back and laughed. Kakuzu took this seriously, creepy zombie eyes glazing from his baka of a partner to me, and my reaction ended up shrinking back. I held my stand, but the thought of this crazy, outraged S-Rank criminal going bzerk… I won't survive two seconds.

"Damn, bitch, you're loud!" cried Hidan, gripping the hold of his death weapon, reminding me of the freaking grim reaper, "Jashin will punish souls like you!"

"Shut the hell up, Hidan," Kakuzu moaned, coming in close to me. Creepy. "Haley, as long as you remain silent and obey everything we have to say, we'll decide whether to spare you or dispose of you. Have you got the message?"

I gave a long, dramatic sigh and mused out loud, knowing it would annoy the living life out of him and his five beating hearts. "Sure, just one some questions that need to be answered… one: Why am I with you guys, two: why can't the deaf people hear and see us walking, and three… where the hell are we?"

Hidan smirked, showing noticeable glowing white teeth. Sadly, he was one of the hotter ones in Akatsuki, as it bothers me to say, but he's no Dr. Shmex! "Heh. It's funny how much shit and action happens when you knock a bitch out… kinda like that time I drugged that girl at the bar… AND THEN IT CAME TO THE BED!"

Kakuzu looked like he needed life-support. "Don't. Ever. Mention. That. Night. Again."

Hidan continued like it wasn't a big deal, when to me, the only female here, is almost at the verge of pissing her pants having to deal with him. "Well, we have you because we're traveling to the exact location of the god damned kyuubi of where we saw the wormhole… and we want to get you over with so that we don't have to deal with you for the rest of the time… no offence, bitch."

"None taken," I shrugged sarcastically. "I get it a lot."

Kakuzu took over, knowing that Hidan would talk too much to this loudmouthed, irrelevant little girl. "The pedestrians can't see and hear us because we happen to be cast as a gen-jutsu, thanks to Itachi. We're invisible to them, but we can do whatever we want to them-"

"Yeah, Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled, clearly interrupting, "I sacrificed probably one hundred souls to the almighty Jashin… more than I can do in a day! I kinda like this fucked up world!"

That was when I felt a huge amount of sympathy for Kakuzu, the living rag doll. He had the deal with him. Every single day. That would be coming to hell for a vacation. I'd rather hang out for a second of threesome with Princess, Lollypop, and Pinocchio than to be with Hidan on missions.

As I guessed, Kakuzu rolled those big ones and continued. "As to where we are…" he sighed deeply, "… we don't know. There are all of these buildings, probably for inconvenience."

I cut in, having an idea. "They make a lot of… MONEY…"

This was the funniest part of my entire day. He went bzerk, but when he heard the word money, he exploded into surprise, head following each billboard, each advertisement, each building. He looked like a dog, trying to find the missing tennis ball. That's just pathetic. "Where?"

Hidan laughed. "WOW…"

I grinned while Kakuzu came to my side. "Little girl, if you can help me and my idiot of a partner steal a bunch of your world's money from any of these stores… then we'll keep you alive until you're in the hands of the others. Got it?"

"I want my hands and feet untied first."

Hidan exploded in rage. Poor guy probably wanted to send his partner's ass to hell just because he was as Kakuzu would call himself… 'Conservative'. We both turned our heads in Hidan's direction, probably thinking that he didn't take his meds this morning. "Kakuzu, you mother fucker…"

"Shut up, Hidan…" Kakuzu walked calmly behind me and untied my bonds. I twisted my wrists and feet around to see if they were still numb. Nope! I hopped on the ground in excitement, Hidan looking at me ironically thinking that I didn't take my pills this morning. Then, the lightbulb came up as we continued walking past the crowds of oblivious people. "Hey, what did you think of the whole 'Madara' thing? I mean, it was pretty-"

Kakuzu had the same thought as Hidan and started treating me like a lesser person than when I mentioned the word money to him. "-Girl, I have absolutely no idea what nonsense you're talking about, but time is money, and we shouldn't waste it."

I sighed. Kakuzu and his phrases… wait… WHAT?

"Are you kidding me? You guys were both there! Tobi… and Madara…"

Hidan smiled crazily from in front, a corner of his girly eye towards me. "Bitch, you must have been knocked out HARD. She's talking shit, Kakuzu…"

They faced forward and kept walking. This was impossible… someone must have slipped them a couple of amnesia pills or something.

Then I felt something heavy in my pocket, like a little weight, and like myself, curiosity got the better of me and I reached into my pocket. A letter?

I unfolded it and it was neatly scripted. Someone must have gone to penmanship school, or was part girl… I bet Deidara wrote it… I read the letter slowly.

_Dear Haley-kun,_

_This is your final warning from me. If you dare spill anything about my identity to the other members, your head will be decapitated from the rest of your body… and that's only the highlight. You probably have brought the topic upon my members a few times, but still, I remain one step ahead of you. You see, after I induced you into twenty four hour sleep, my actions took into my pawns. I produced a specific jutsu that wipes a person's mind of some activities they have remembered… and so they have everything to forget about the name Madara Uchiha. So don't even try, or you will be killed slowly and painfully. You have been warned, and so the hunt for the kyuubi begins. _

_-Uchiha Madara_

Well I be damned.

"Come, girl," Kakuzu muttered as he walked ahead of my pace.

"Yeah, bitch, we have another bank to rob and fuck up," Hidan smirked, following behind his senior.

I stood blankly ahead. Geez, that Madara is really evil behind that orange lollypop mask. I began to miss Tobi and his annoying behavior a lot more. What did Deidara think when he saw his true identity? Eh, he probably would have hugged and kissed him for only acting like a dumbass for cover. Pein would have pissed his pants (again); Itachi would, as Dr. Shmex would, be unemotional and totally emo over his great- great-great… thousandth greats' grandpa, Hidan would be like 'whatever, hey, do I get to kill more people?', Kisame would probably crack up and roll on the floor, Kakuzu would ask for a bigger paycheck from his new leader and would be a little teacher's pet for the prick, Konan would ditch Pein for Madara (I'd laugh so hard if that happened… oh! An idea!), Zetsu would already know, and Sasori, the cool guy that he is, would come to Deidara and Madara smoothing and be like: 'WTF'. Yeah, that's probably what happened. The main thing is that Madara's keeping me alive for his own benefit. But why… I'm not sure.

I came back to reality, people passing by me. Once I saw a glimpse of Hidan's too much over-gelled old man hair, I ran, crimpling up the letter and putting it in my sweatshirt pocket. "Wait up, you assholes!" I yelled impatiently, totally loving the fact that me and the 'Zombo Combo' were going to rob a freaking bank. 


	7. Grandma Badass!

**Hello readers!**

**This chapter is more of a filler, but read it. It's pretty funny, if you want to see both Zombies get their butts kicked. Kinda sweet at the end, but still the same old immortal idiots. (Warning: very little OCXZombies, and also more swearing from our friend and yours… that immortal womanizer)**

**Thanks so far for the reviews, and I'm really happy that so far you have liked the updates. So in appreciation, I'll answer all reviews given out for the chapter, and I'll include them in the next update. Again, thanks for paying attention for this really boring author's note, and I'd like some more reviews, telling me it's great, sucky, or any suggestions or questions. **

**Miragechick2, away! :P **

7

"Well, there's a McDonald's across the street, we could rob that… fast food on the go…"

"Hell no, bitch. Too many fatasses, not enough skinny virgins for me to sacrifice."

"What about Hooters then? Plenty of skanks working there."

"Not happening. We want to steal from the national bank… more money for me."

"Then-"

"We wanna rob a fucking bank!"

I sighed. Both of these idiots are hard to communicate with. I want to see someone recognize these two anime characters rob a bank, let alone, humiliate themselves trying to rob **McDonald's**, and that person would clearly laugh themselves to death. Hey! I wanted a fun time with these guys.

"Hey! You two failures!" I yelled carelessly. They both glared from the corners of their dead eyes. Geez, fellas, I didn't hurt you that badly. "Are you sure we're in a gen-jutsu?"

Kakuzu scoffed, insulted that I asked him that. "Positive. Honestly, you are almost as idiotic as my partner."

Hidan laughed at the five-hearted criminal's joke, but after five seconds of trying to rewire his empty head, he stood in a mixture of disturbing confusion. "Wait… I'm your fucking partner! Damn you to hell, you cheap old bastard!"

Wow Hidan. You really are an idiot. I started cracking up until Hidan lifted me up the ground and drew out his scythe again. "Don't you laugh, bitch!"

Kakuzu sighed, tentacles coming out of the sleeves of his cloak. They came to Hidan's head in stealth mode and attached to his head, pulling on his neck. Kill me, piss off Kakuzu. Yeah.

"Hidan," he grumbled, reminding me of an old man, "Put her down. She's too important. I understand she's… immature…"

"Hey!" I yelled, insulted enough already, "Unintended!"

"…and she's a huge brat, but she'll get us home. Them everything will go back to normal, and I can get my paycheck and my savings all at the base. Do it and I'll decapitate you and stick you in the toilet seat… again."

I could imagine that image and shivered. When Old Man Kakuzu needed to be evil, he sure could. Hidan let out a sweat drop, dripping down to his neck, and eyed his partner in annoyance. He dropped me on the ground, I mean, really hard. My head connected to concrete, and I screamed in hurt. Stupid immortal. No education at all.

_How about I test that unbelievable gen-jutsu crap,_ I thought, trying desperately to move to another person walking through the streets of New York City. I spy, with my little eye, an old lady feeding the pigeons on a bench. I grinned evilly, like I was part of Akatsuki. Perfect. (Add thunder and lightning in the background.)

"Excuse me, Miss?" I switched to my innocent five year old voice that could get out of any trouble (well, except THE AKATSUKI, but whatever). I batted my eyelashes and magically my eyes got bigger. It may be impossible that a sixteen year old could pull off a puppy dog face, but I manage under tons of practice.

The old lady didn't even look. Maybe she's deaf, too. Ah, stupid gen-jutsu. I did the best I could to get her attention. I knelt, I begged, but the one time I tapped her repeatedly on the shoulder, she jumped from the shock and gazed sweetly at me. "Hello sweetie."

I changed into my puppy dog face again, using the innocent voice. Buhaha, it works every time. "That man over there was hitting me, and pushed me to the ground," I whined immaturely, pointing to both Hidan and Kakuzu who were in the middle of arguing about something stupid, "I didn't do anything, but…" I started fake-crying, and I used real tears. I covered my arm to brush off any tears, but it was just a cover up if I didn't get any sympathy.

The old woman blinked her bags, and then gave the old, "Oughhh". She brought her cane next to her, and lifted herself off the chair, trying to kick the fed pigeons away until she made a bird pathway. Ouch. Kakuzu and Hidan will get their asses handed to them… by Grandma. This will be interesting. I'm thinking YouTube… I pulled out my camera like the Flash.

The extremely upset old hag limped over to the two immortals, a pout on her face. Time for asses to be given. "Excuse me, you two gentleman," she noted, hands on hips. You go, Grandma.

They both were caught off guard, both exchanging weird looks. Hidan was the first to speak. "We're not the Akatsuki…"

Wow, Hidan. If he had a dollar for every stupid comment, he would be the envy of Kakuzu. I started laughing on his idiocy.

"Shut up, you," Kakuzu threatened again. He drew his attention to the old lady. "I'm sorry; you must have the wrong people, old woman."

I blew up the bomb, as Barbie would say. "Yes, Miss…" I pointed the middle finger at both of them, saying that something's going down. "They did it." After she turned away, I grinned evilly. Hey, I could be in this crappy organization if I could. I'm evil enough, might as well hand in the cloak.

Hidan got what I was doing, his face reddening until he had no paleness left. Wow, he could do that and he skull thing. Cool. I wonder what happens if I strangle him, or if he throws up. Green and blue. Sweet.

"Get back here, bitch! I'll sacrifice your unworthy ass to Jashin!"

I laughed. "If only you could touch it!" I retorted cruelly, shaking my butt from ten feet away as the old senior separated us. The old lady reminded me of Grandma Chiyo, except more badass. Again, I could see the headlines: 'Grandma Badass kicks two Zombies out of their graves!'

"You both hurt this little girl," she scolded, wagging a wrinkled finger at the two, "and I have authority to call the police."

Hidan laughed, not knowing what was coming to him. "Yeah, and what is an old bitch like you gunna do about this shit? No fucking way, Grandma."

Oh. He's going down.

Grandma Badass ran with a limp, and she was fast. Before the impeccable Hidan knew it hit him, she tackled him to the ground in pure Bruce Lee. I pulled out my camera, switched to video mode, and Kakuzu stood in shock that his bloodthirsty partner was getting beaten by an old person who just fed the pigeons.

Hidan reached with his only hand for his tri-scythe, with lay on the sidewalk, unnoticed by the other people walking the streets of New York. He cringed, and was in a head lock. "KAKUZU! GET THE FUCK OVER HERE AND HELP ME!"

Kakuzu, having five hearts, ran to reason with Grandma. Before anyone knew it, she used her main weapon: her purse. Kakuzu also knew that killing an old woman in public would just be cruel, and he backed up a couple of steps, hands out. "Look, we didn't even touch- Ah!"

The old lady had started repeatedly whacking Kakuzu in the family jewels with the big knitting bag, and I laughed as I recorded this on tape. Pure tape, and later… YouTube gold. The old rag doll had tears running through his eyes, and I cringed in amusement. Once he was positioned down as low as Grandma Badass wanted, covering his privates with his hand block, she took out her secret weapon: pepper spray. I wasn't the only one laughing at this, Hidan decided to join me in making fun of his partner, his now decapitated head rolling on the ground and his body collapsing from this once in a lifetime moment. Granny sprayed it at the right time, and Kakuzu's eyes were open wide. "GOD DAMN IT!" he cried out, waterfalls gushing out of his now entirely red eyes. He knelt down at rubbed his eyes rapidly, wishing the pain in his sack and his eyes would go away.

The old pigeon lady nodded her head at the two of them, and then turned to me and my recorded evidence. "Honey, are you okay? I hope those two rascals got it. You know, I was in World War Two, you know… well, I would run for the heavens if I were you, looks like you have a bit of a situation here. Here's a quarter for the booth call to the police. I hope they have learned a lesson." She picked up her purse next to Hidan's headless body, and skipped away. I sighed, now having the best video on the world.

The two immortals got up, except for the fact that Hidan's pathetic head was still rolling on the ground, having a swearing fit. Kakuzu was fine, but his eyes were red, I mean, Dr. Shmex Sharingan red. They vibrated, and from this silent death glare I was getting, I was in it. Badly.

Hidan's body picked up his head and his precious killing spree weapon and came wobbling over to where I was. Kakuzu had spread out eight rape tentacles, all pointing at me. His eyes were red, and crossed over. I flinched back in shivers. Oh my god. Creepiest thing I have ever seen. I mean, imagine that. Two men trying to kill you, but they've gotten creamed from the eighty year old war vet. One is decapitated and intending on making you no less than a cremated bloody corpse, and another red and insanely cross-eyed, eight threads just wanting to suck your heart out. Ouch. Not a very good death.

The one I was most afraid of was Kakuzu. That bastard now and forever will be freaked out at by me. Hidan smiled from his dismembered head.

"Oh no. Now you've done it, bitch. Kakuzu's gunna fuck with you…!"

I trembled with the camera in my hands. "Okay, okay, gentleman… let's be rash…"

"RASH!" the immortal rag doll exploded violently, "What positive thing could come-"

"Well, actually, there's two things: one, you made my day, and I have video gold, and two is that now we… heh, know that… it was a crappy gen-jutsu… heh… you fellas, GUYS…!"

Kakuzu's rape tentacles came at me in sonic speed, grabbing onto every part of my body as humanly possible. My mouth was now gagged, and I couldn't move any part of my body. Damn you, psychotic greedy rag doll. Hidan smiled.

"Heh. Got the bitch. She's in for some trouble…!"

I don't know what I retorted with, but I was wiggling on the ground like a worm, trying to get away (déjà vu, anyone?) and I bet I was swearing probably more than Hidan would cuss usually… which makes me have an awesome idea… swearing contest later. I'd pwn. But anyways, I was pissed because one decapitated zealot and a bipolar rag doll with the scariest face I've ever seen had just recalled me as their luggage for the journey. Kakuzu picked me up, apparently two handles on my tied up back. Great. The human backpack.

I thought about how much time would come when both of those idiots would be dead, rolling in their own graves, Hidan swearing still and Kakuzu signing his will for all of his money to go into his casket. I thought about Granny Badass, and if she had some major chakra in the Naruto World, she'd probably whip Madara into place, even the Akatsuki. Brrr. Grandma trying to take over the world as Leader of the top criminal organization. I would laugh if that happened.

Hidan and Kakuzu chatted, which is totally creepy for those two especially, and they debated about the situation.

"So are we gunna rob the fucking bank?"

Oh man. The national bank of America. No way, I'm not going in the news as a captive of these two idiots. No-

Kakuzu smiled deviously behind that unwashed mask. "We're cleaning out everything. This dimension looks weak, well… except for that old woman…" He shivered as I tried to laugh my brains out. Kakuzu, the great heart stealer of Takigakure afraid of the old pigeon woman who served in the war less than 70 years ago… jeez, what a pathetic match.

Hidan laughed. "Well, you shitted on her, and the wrinkled bitch got you back… and the funny thing is… the kid recorded it! Ha! You should have seen your dumbass face-"

"Hidan. Shut. Up."

"-and she laughed at you. She's not bad for a bitch… I like her. Nice ass, devilish smile, blue eyes… I'm starting something, Kakuzu." He gave off a smile, which bothered me insanely. Hidan, the immortal womanizer… I guess that's what else he was known for, hooking up and killing. News for you, girlie eyes. Not happening.

Kakuzu spat in disgust. Hey! I'm not that bad. "You and her, the perfect couple. Two dangerous idiots. I can't wait to see that… right after we fill up on funds."

Both of them walked into the lights of New York City, I was the human backpack, and I was Hidan's next torture victim. I don't know where this will take us, but the Grandma made my day, and I'll need a computer to upload this gold. Pretty good, day, and after this, we're robbing a bank. Can't wait…

I fell asleep on the shoulders of the man who almost killed me today, but I could tell with his partner… he secretly enjoyed it.


	8. No Fuzzy Feelings Aloud!

**Hi there, peoples!**

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while… school started, and I've been up to my head in homework and sports and other crap… but who's stopping me from updating! **

**Yeah, it's chapter seven with my favorite Zombie brothers, and I promised you your responses from previous chapters… so ta-da! Here they are:**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.1): Thanks… and Congrads! First response! Um, yeah, it was a bit short, but ya know, it was for suspense… and yes… I also love Saw… and their parodies!**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.2): yeah, I realized the mistake when I updated, and thanks again. **

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.3): Haha same thing… noticed it when I published. But anyways, it's great that you love the series! (Makes my friggin' day with all of your comments!)**

**-windwolf1988 (chap.4): (woooo) back to you? Can you clear it up…? Um…well any comment is fine with me :D **

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.4): Yes, I agree, Tobi/Madara needs their asses kicked. I mean, have you checked out the latest manga? (I'm ruining any spoilers if you didn't) But still, I miss Tobi and his personality terribly. :'(**

**-WildTiger777 (chap.5): Thank you thank you thank you! I love your positive comments! And I promise to update more for you guys! **

**-MegassaTheBomber (chap.5): I think Chapter 5 was the best chapter so far! Haha thanks so much, and Chapter 6 is pretty hilarious too! (Zombie Bros)**

**-narutokurayami (chap.6): thanks a ton! Love your story!**

**-akatsuki FAN KYAAAA (chap.6): Those are the right words bhahaha thanks for reviewing!**

**Kakashi Forever: I have nothing against the immortal Jashinist… I actually think he's smokin', but he's annoying as heck!**

**-WildTiger777 (chap.7): Grandma Badass reminds me of my grandma… and haha yes, she does pwn… and for the HidanXHaley thing… that's coming up soon 0.0**

**DidiTwitches: Just to tell you, I love your story! It is kinda like yours, and I appreciate the review! Looking forward to updating on that!**

**Kakashi Forever: Just imagining the Zombie Bros getting beat up by Grandma is LMAO! I came up with it as I wrote… so thanks so much for loving that scene!**

**Okay, so there you have it. All reviews answered… speaking of reviews… afterwards, respond (those of you who commented) and also I would love some new commenter's. So please, for the sake of the orphans… REVIEW.**

**Okay, sorry for that boring and REALLY long author's note… so I'll shut up and you can read ahead! Here we go! **

8

I woke up to more swearing, god, he wouldn't stop. Can someone get the masking tape? I tried to plug my ears, and then I realized that I was the tied, up human backpack… on the ground. Oh crap. Kakuzu didn't even let me go yet.

I must have been knocked out for a while, since it was sunrise. A good night's sleep my ass. My mouth was still gagged; my skin was squeezed tight by that rag doll, and my stomach rumbled. I felt like Zetsu for a bit, or Choji, they were the only two disposable food characters that eat everything and still remain hungry. My stomach roared now, and Hidan heard it.

"Oy! Kakuzu, guess who's hungry."

The frugal Akatsuki member sighed. "Good thing we stopped by." He lifted up something that made me jaw drop. A Happy Meal. No freaking way.

I screamed in delight and laughter, and the two head me loud and clear. Kakuzu turned me around and narrowed those Christmas colored eyes of his. Good Ole St. Kakuzu, delivering McDonalds to every good little boy and girl.

He untied me, knowing I was awake, and Hidan snickered a laugh. "You're lucky we know our way around this strange-ass place, or we'd be fucked… and Kakuzu got cheap with the dollar menu options-"

"Don't question my decisions!" My captor yelled impatiently as he handed me my breakfast to go. "I am in charge of the Akatsuki finances. You know nothing about reasonable spending."

"That's because I'm not a cheap old bastard!" Hidan snorted. I innocently looked up at them for once. Even I couldn't handle them fighting for so long. Go kiss and make up, guys.

"Look," I explained drily, "I want to eat my fucking happy meal, and I want to see that badass Buzz Lightyear toy in my fucking happy meal. Got it, you dickless bitches?"

They blinked at me in surprise, Hidan in amazement and Kakuzu in insult. Hidan then smiled, not his usual smile, but something like he was… lovestruck. Oh crap. I'm screwed if Cupid misdirected his arrow. "Boy, can that bitch use her mouth… I wonder if she can use her-"

"Nope. Nope. Nope." I spat out, chewing greedily on my Big Mac. Kakuzu laughed viciously. Geez, dude.

I frightfully envisioned me and Hidan with the cycle of "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Hidan Jr. in a baby carriage" thing. I almost threw up my burger. I mean, he wasn't ugly. He was smokin' hot, and sadly he knew and loved it, that immortal womanizer. Quit Akatsuki for Jashin angel modeling. Just don't have any ideas.

Hidan came next to me, all cocky and whatnot and I stiffened, almost choking, and tried to protect my Big Mac. No one comes between me and food. Oh, another Zetsu/Choji quote. Anyways, he raised his eyebrows and wiggled them, and I'm disgusted in ways that even Dr. Shmex and Purple Buggars (Pein) would think was horrifying. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and once I swallowed, he started to lean in. Oh my god…!

I did what I needed to. I smacked him right in the face. Yeah, right in between the eyes, I'm just that badass. Kakuzu started to crack up, even though he likes to hide it, that five-hearted cheapskate. Hidan was in shock, and I got up and brushed off myself, thinking of the best comeback in the world. "You weirdo!" I squealed in a six year old voice. "What the hell do you think-"

"I…I, wanted to-"

"Don't have any motives, Church Boy! I happen to be a full virgin!" I tried to stomp away impatiently, "I mean I'm not very turned on to your old man hair, and jeez, that whole emo, stabbing yourself thing for your fake god… not helpful! Go see Dr. Phil about your problems, and he'll solve it! Itachi's probably scheduling an appointment already about Sas-Gay!"

Hidan was shaking, I mean, like erupting shaking. If he blew his top off then I'd be dead. Literally. Kakuzu was chuckling to himself. My patience was wearing off, usually what Dr. Shmex would say to himself. I slung on my sweatshirt from the side, and started to walk right to where we could get this over with.

"Come on, you asses! I'm finally going to show you where the bank is, all right? I want out of this constant fighting! Make up or break up, you two!" Never did I notice that my face was still hot and blushing from Hidan's pathetic attempt. I started pacing myself and started unintentionally combing out my snarled hair with my fingers as I stepped ahead of them while the Zombie Combo was left behind, both in witnessing shock. Stupid Jashinist, trying to flirt with me. Not happening, Dracula.

I heard footsteps following through the exit of Central Park, more like running steps than anything else. Both of them decided to not sit on their immortal asses for more than five minutes in surprise. What a surprise. "Wait up, you bitch!" Hidan. "Which way is the bank?" Kakuzu. Both finally caught up and I decided to look on the ground until we got there. They didn't talk that much, ever since I slapped that cocky bastard, and Hidan trembled his hand for the handle on his scythe. He thankfully knew that if he ended me, Purple Buggars will hear about it, and when Purple Buggars hears about it, shit is going down. Either on Hidan, or in his pants.

I wondered to myself. Did Hidan like me, or even more? I never imagined me being paired with him in any mental parody. Me and Dr. Shmex, oh, hell, yes… but that's another topic. I mean, he's an idiot, and he's so much of one that he doesn't even realize it. Kakuzu knows from experience, and I just obviously know. He's hot, biker hot. Hell's angel hot. Not Dr. Shmex hot. Never Dr. Shmex hot. He's obsessed with a particular god… that doesn't even exist, for God's sake! Spills blood everyday! And yet, I've always wondered how many pools that blood could fill in a week… He thinks he's all that, and he's just… not. It's not like I don't like him, but he's not my type. Sorry for all of those Jashinists out there, but Haley van Peterson doesn't take just anyone.

I stopped in front of some double doors, and both of those idiots crashed into me. I swear, no matter how old these immortal dumbasses will be, it sure beats out their I.Q. number by quadruple. Kakuzu looked up in greed, and I could have just seen him smile for the first time in a while. "The motherload," he muttered crazily to himself, "If we hijack this place, then we'll be the emperors of this irrelevant dimension. We'll be kings-"

"Door's right ahead," I informed impatiently, "Knock yourselves out. Literally." I pushed the door open for those two idiots, raising an eyebrow to Kakuzu.

"Oh no, you're not escaping. Not without our money. In fact…" he mused for a second, scratching his stitched finger on his chin, and then grinning crazily at me as well as the immortal womanizer. "… You're part of the plan."

"Wait, what?"

"Yep, that's right," Hidan smiled widely, pursing his lips like an old grandma, "Bitch, you're…" He blinked repeatedly, looking at his five-hearted partner for help. "…Kakuzu? What is the plan?"

One word. Idiot. Should I repeat it? Idiot. I stared blankly at Hidan, sweat dropping big time. We have big time work to do with him.

. . .

"You know the fucking plan, bitch?"

"Same question to you, you immortal womanizer."

"Touché."

"You two, we have it all secured. Haley," Kakuzu turned to me desperately, clutching my shoulders in nervousness, "You got this, all right?"

"Yep, you got, Stitches."

"Wait… I don't understand the plan again."

"Hidan, you blow stuff up."

"YES!"

Kakuzu's Christmas eyes linked onto everybody, envisioning more green than red. **(Get it? Green! Like money… well, I tried.)** "Awesome. Break, then."

The plan was in effect. We put our hands in all in one, and we lifted them up in action silently. This was going to be epic.

Hidan whispered in my ear as I ascended deep into the building. "You better make sure this fucking works, whore. Or Jashin will enjoy you for a sacrifice."

"You and your words, you naughty, naughty man," I snickered, impersonating Grandma Badass. Hidan shuttered like he caught a case of Wuss-itus. I laughed, but an idea sank in. It needed to be answered, or I'll totally mess up. "Hey, Kakuzu?"

"What? What could it possibly be?"

"Um… are you guys going to, ya know… kill people?"

Kakuzu lifted his head up, staring me down. Literally down. The guy was almost as tall as Kisame, Willy the Wonder Shark. He was glaring at me, still not forgetting what happened yesterday. You think the guy would forgive you, but no, he gave me the big stare, and not to mention… I WAS A HUMAN BACKPACK. I backed up for once, and he responded, growling in a deep voice. "That is information that is kept to the organization, not in the mind of a thirteen-"

"SIXTEEN!" I whined immaturely.

"Okay, sixteen year old little girl. Nothing's for your eyes."

I stood on my tippy-toes, trying to face his ragged face. Okay, so he beat me by like, more than one foot, but my height being five-foot six, I wasn't bad. I beat out little Pinocchio (aka. Sasori no Redhead) by barely one inch. Shorty. I love his guts, but really, a thirty five year old in a boy's puppet body… kinda frightening. I continued to show off my bravado, and Kakuzu stood dead serious. My hands stood on my hips, lip out like a diva.

"So you're secretly saying… yes, yes, you are going to kill people. Innocent people who work a bank. Like little old ladies at the secretary desk-"

"Wait a second," interrupted Kakuzu, eyes widened with the hellish experience he encountered yesterday, "That old lady was no innocent person. She had…um…"

"Yes, badass ninja skills," I replied sarcastically, hands now crossed. Kakuzu looked a little bit smaller. Yes, I was gaining on the height contest. "With, may I say, the: kick-in-the-crotch-no-jutsu, and the: pepper-spray-until-you-look-like-a-weed-addict-no-jutsu… oh! And I must imply, the: handbag-whack-a-mole-no-jutsu… nhmm… very affective." My sarcasm was oozing everywhere. Even Jashin's ass kisser was impressed as he stood polishing his salad chopper of a weapon. "Even the great heart stealer of Takigakure bowed to her in surrender. And… all on tape. You like apples, old man? I have blackmail. So how do you like them apples?"

Hidan grinned stupidly. I swear that guy couldn't even get past BrainQuest Level one. "I'm not liking those apples, but Gala apples are pretty damn good…"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes while I couldn't help but crack up. "Just ignore him. I see your scheme, so apparently now we won't be killing people, Hidan."

"SHIT!"

I crossed my arm in a smug way. "Good. I hope we had set a compromise, my old friend. So we carry out the exact plan now… well, except no blood or gore or crap like that. We can explode things through, Hidan…"

"YEAH! SUCK IT MUTHA FUCKAS!"

Me and Kakuzu exchanged annoyed glances and put our hands in again. Hidan ran to us, breathing insanely like Juugo. Wow. He has a lot in common, now that I mention it. He has Jashin to obsess over, and Juugo wants to legit marry Kimimaru, who I think is a complete psycho as well. They both attack randomly for some stupid reason, like if someone couldn't open a pickle jar or something for them. ("Pickles? Why can't you open my pickles?") Anyways, they just act alike, and they're both completely deranges, especially if one tries to pick up on you (cough cough Hidan). Lesson learned: don't fall for a crazy gelled haired, Jashinist, well, if you want to be better off living.

I stuck my hand in first. "I'm in. Let's do this thing so I can go home sooner."

Hidan stuck his second, trying to hold my hand in the process. "Let's go rob the fucking bank."

"As will I. We deserve this extra money," the five hearted rag doll muttered almost to himself, placing his hand on top of ours.

We stood there while we both thought. Okay, this is awkward. They looked at me for support.

"I dunno, maybe… maybe we should do what Guy Sensei did in that episode where he grunted like he was constipated, and then we all scream and yell like a bunch of idiots! Let me start off the sympathy!"

I cleared my throat as I began. "Hmmm….. hmmm!"

They gave me blank looks, Hidan with one of confusion and Kakuzu one full of despises.

"Come on… like you're on the toilet! Hmmmmm!"

Hidan followed in pursuit. "Hmmmm…"

It reminded me of the exact episode. Kakuzu was roll playing for the part of Neji, where he stares Guy Sensei (he's my f-ing hero!), starts glaring at him back, and then he eventually does it too. So when Kakuzu gives me the old St. Nick eyes, I glare at him right back with my baby blues. And this continues for quite a while. I sent the old man vibes, my mind telling him to do it, like for example, I thought: _Do it. DO IT. DO IT!_

And he did it, sighing and giving up. YES! I am superior to the rag man of Takigakure.

Then I started off as they both grunted. "Fight! Fight! Fight! FIGHT!"

Hidan then gave an official "Fuck yeah!" while Kakuzu headed for the bank door. "Come on… I never get paid enough for babysitting you two idiots."

I walked in after him with a grin shining on my face. "Yeah! Let's do it, you old cheapskate!"

Finally. Me and the Zombie brothers get to rob a bank! I sighed to myself. Let's do this thing.


	9. Epic Bank Robbery and Spock!

**Hey, hey!**

**Best news ever. It had me jumping in complete happiness. Five reviews for one update… I love you guys!**

**Please continue your awesomeness! So here are your fantabulous reviews! (You all can tell I'm tired… I'm staying up and writing for you guys at 11:30) **

**Ria- The Ninja of Time (chap 8): Omg. You have officially made my freaking day with that comment. Thanks soooo much so reviewing, and I'm really glad you love it so much. It made you laugh that much? Wow… thank you! I'm really glad my bad comedic sense in working! **

**-Kakashi Forever (chap. 8): Thanks a bunch again! Glad you enjoy it! And an extra THANKS! Because you have been the best continuous reviewer in this story! Congrads, and Thanks!**

**-xx1ofAKindxx (chap.8): I'm glad you love it :P and I'm updating as soon as I can for each one! A lot of crap going on, school sports, more stuff, but thanks for your support!**

**-WildTiger777 (chap.8): Fav. Chapter? Awesome! I actually put barely any time into it, and I was kinda in a rush, so I'm really glad that you loved it!**

**-HayaUchiha (chap.8): HAHAHA thanks a whole freaking much! The Zombie Bros are my favorite group to work on, and I'm really happy your love them with Haley. :P And trust, me with your review, I'll be keeping this fanfic up for a really long time.**

**So thanks guys! Um… okay, I know you want the Author's Note over with, blah, blah, blah, but I'll get what I need to get out of the way.**

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!1!1 **

**Okay, and also, if you caught up, this is where the epic bank robbery chapter is! YAY! So enjoy the continuous adventure of Haley and the Zombie Bros in 3…2….1… GO!**

7

Okay, here we go, I guess. Just two stupid immortal Akatsuki members and I opening the doors to the national bank of New York City. No pressure, I guess I'm just sweating from how hot it is outside, ya know, on this fifty degree day… hehe…

Okay, you, I guess the cat's out of the bag. I'm going to be an official criminal along with these guys, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm so friggin' nervous I could crap my pants more than once. I'll be on the news, and my parents will see me, St. Stitches, and the Official Immortal Idiot robbing an important American bank. Then I won't ever get those new mangas…. Oh crap.

But then, I'm with AKATSUKI, goddamn it. That sure beats anything else, a group of ultra-sexy criminals who want your help and are holding you captive. Pure freaking fantasy. I guess I shouldn't complain.

So… let's start from the start, shall we, my friends? Okay, so left off at the part where I walked in… with a dress. Did I ever mention that?

A dress. Haley in a dress. That's like putting your scurvy preventing everyday orange juice into your official Captain Crunch cereal. Or like Naruto and Hinata. Complete opposites. They don't mix. You can't do that in public; everyone will give you the stare like: What the hell? But anyways, I didn't mention I was in a dress. Kakuzu randomly came up to me with a short-cut, red dress that was my size and that it was part of the plan. Well, first, I called him Captain Pervert and a First Class Stalker for knowing my dress size, and for his taste, it probably came from the clearance rack at Goodwill. Then he called me a smartass, and handed me the bag. He also told me annoyingly that it was Hidan's idea, and he couldn't help but agree with part of the plan, and that he stole it at an expensive fancy-shmancy place in downtown. Typical old kleptomaniac man. Finally to top it all off, he threatened me to wear it for the plan or I'll be feeling and seeing red from out of my insides. I grumbled into the changing room, swearing to the top of my lungs, so that Hidan could feel more inferior and turned on by my asshole of a mouth. Mom and Dad would be proud.

After I came out, they both… nosebleed, fainting on the concrete. I laughed my ass off, and they both woke up ten seconds later, Hidan blushing his pale face off and Kakuzu faking that he was annoyed with me and Hidan. Hidan said I looked like Jashin's fucking Angel, for Pete's sake. God, the boy cannot get away from me. I dunno, I sort of flushed, and Kakuzu pushed me from behind telling me to open up the double doors, and telling me that I knew the plan and I was expected to follow it. Gosh, Scrooge, don't get up on me. Go rob some poor, defenses orphans.

So that's my little story. So I was walking into the bank, smirking with red lipstick, a red dress, and some stupid high heels that I can barely walk in. Weirdly enough, the secretary was, um, a dude, like a nerd. He reminded me of Kabuto, like; he had the exact round glasses, wore pretty purple clothing, and had this stupid look of hope in his life, working as a secretary for banking. I can't the plan is to attract the secretariat and the male guards to me. I sighed in misery. Kids, don't ever let your guard down. Never, or else you'll be in the situation where two horny perverts make you dress like a skank and help rob a bank.

I came up to the desk, and the Kabuto guy, (I'll call him Captain Spock), is laughing in that nasally voice, you know, where the nerd snorts and repeatedly breaths funny, like he's in need of his inhaler. He's probably playing solitaire, playing Pong, or watching a clip on YouTube about ways to get a girlfriend. Well, he's gonna try once he sees me in this slut suit. I turned around; Kakuzu and Hidan's faced are pressed against the wall in curiosity, Hidan is a little too pressed; his lips are squished against the glass, like he wants to kiss me. Haha… not happening, you douche bag. Kakuzu is giving me the death stare of the century, and I stuttered. Hidan gives me the thumbs up for good luck, and starts kissing the glass. What a complete idiot. My response was, as always, flipping him off, and turning my head back, trying to get the head guy up front, Captain Spock, and some of the other guys. Some of them see me, and their jaws drop. I cough seductively (?), and Kabuto is frightened like a little schoolgirl and jumps five feet in the air, eyes on me.

"Excuse me," I mumbled deviously, "Is there anywhere I can go change, maybe… a Johnny house?" Okay, so 'Johnny house' was the first name I could think of for bathroom (and I'm from NYC!) and maybe it wasn't that attractive in a sentence, but it sure reeled in the secretariat. I turned to the two zombies waiting for me; Kakuzu slapped his face and Hidan still grinned, licking his lips. Okay, you, I'm not feeling comfortable.

Captain Spock (aka. Kabuto Number 2) met my eyes, and he fell over from his chair, red all over like tomato sauce on pizza dough. All of the security guards turned to where I was, and leaned over, practically drooling. Oh my Jashin. Could these idiots be right about the plan turning into a success? I'd die over if it did, but I'm not making any promises, especially to Shark on Legs (Kisame), who called it first.

Well, the security guards came in closer to me, wiggling eyebrows and winking, and the secretariat got up off the ground. He stood frozen stiff, and I grabbed his tie, which, did I mention, had little purple Barney's on them, to match his other puffy purple clothing. I grabbed in, and he turned sickly white, reminding me of Kabuto who turns into a child of Orochimaru with all that pale pimply skin of his. (Side Note for anyone who's seen it: What the crap is with Kabuto? First he's all loyal to Sasori, and then he's some Oro mutant thing? Please leave a comment if you know what the hell's going on, because I apparently missed that part.) So I tug on his tie, biting my lips to hold them from going at it, and I murmur, "If you know where they are, can you give me an escort? Or come with me. We can do it slow and out of public. I don't want anyone to know, for a cutie like you."

Bam! Kabuto hit the ground, fainting cold on the ground, a huge nosebleed coming into the ground. The security guard looked at the knocked out Captain Spock, and came in closer, not caring about the nerd who just got offered a trip to the bathroom. I gave that signal to Kakuzu and Hidan, pulling out my compact and shinning the mirror light into the distance. I heard the door swing open, and one security guard met my face. "Hey, gorgeous," he grumbled, "Wanna go get donuts?" How lame, asking out a sixteen year old girl to go get donuts with you… Ew! I cringed my face, almost barfing, knowing secretly what he was saying. "Um, no thanks," I muttered, and went into the center of the bank. Perfect.

"So have any of you boys have a pen? I need to write down my phone number so I don't forget…" Oh good job, Haley, "… and I need to call my… sniff… DIVORCED HUSBAND!" I started to fake cry like with Granny about how Kakuzu and Hidan were 'beating me up'. It was great. All of the security guards were running to me with pens in their hands also crying in pity. That's really sad. Now I know what SasGAY must feel like with all those girls surrounding him.

I looked across the room without the Mini Po-Po looking. Kakuzu was ready, and Hidan was heading towards the stairs. I grinned. "Hit it, RAGDOLL!"

I saw Kakuzu's Christmas eyes cross with evil joy, like he'd received a nuclear bomb. Shit's gunna go down with this guy.

His shirt ripped and all of his hearts came stretching out in shadows, each one in a position. Ha. Like the Power Rangers. If you think about it, they do, with their different colors and elements, they are the Mighty Five! Wind, water, fire, electricity, and ice! Dude, Kakuzu brought the Power Rangers on his back to help! Thanks for the presents, St. Stitches!

All of the people couldn't believe it, and Hidan was maniacally laughing, screaming at the terrified people. "All of you are FUCKING SCREWED!" He called as he ran to the main bank vaults. Old, classical idiot. "May Jashin save your goddamned souls!"

I stood still in position. Since the blackmail scheme was still on, (and if Kakuzu didn't do what I allowed, I'd show all of the Akatsuki his humiliating defeat by Grandma Badass,) I wouldn't get anyone here killed. So instead, the plan was to freeze everyone. So Grandpa Ragdoll is pointing towards the screaming security guards, but everything was so quick, and all of them were still holding their pencils out to me and giving me stupid googly eyes. They never even got the chance to turn around before everyone in the bank was frozen in the Power Ranger's ice. Kabuto/Captain Spock was still out cold, so he wasn't conscious either. Here we go. I cracked my knuckles and walked towards the computers. I gave Kakuzu the thumbs up. "Thanks, Scrooge!"

He sighed. "Just get onto the main computers, or this won't work out, and if this doesn't work out, then we'll forget about that little compromise we made about having you alive."

"Ouch. Harsh. Looks like your stitches are too tightly pulled; I would suggest loosening them up a tad, especially on the head. You look like you're going to pass out on overdose of crazy-"

"Just get to the damn computers! I'll go check for more witnesses." Kakuzu left on the back of the freezer guy and left me alone with all of those copper's eyes staring at me. Creepy. I stuttered and went to the desk. I was right, laughing my butt off. Captain Spock was in his place, nose-bleeding all over the place. I still can't believe it worked, that the Haley Akatsuki Fangirl would pass off for a Blonde Megan Fox Skank-a-like. I better get paid by these guys, or I'll sue. And I know Ragdoll will die of five heart attacks if a big bill came to his door.

I got to the computers in no time, reaching for the mouse. I skimmed the links. I opened the one linked onto YouTube and pulled it up. Ha. Looks like Kabuto was looking for some dating advice and another link… ew, porn. I exited out of the perverted video and left the dating one. I smiled evilly. I had an idea.

"BITCH!" Hidan. "I NEED THE DAMN CODES SO I CAN GET THE FUCK IN HERE!"

"Hold your ass, greasy hair!" I retorted, pulling out my video camera and my chord. I had no idea why I brought the chord, but ya know, desperate times, or should I say, hilarious times, call for desperate measures. "I'm getting them!"

I linked it in, clicked on every button possible, and as soon as possible, I clicked the 'share video' button. A little beeping voice came on, and pop-up came saying that my video was there on the face of YouTube. YES! Kakuzu and Hidan will be the laughing stock of Akatsuki, New York City, and the whole freaking world that is addicted to Naruto as much as I am.

"BITCHHHH!"

I groaned. Stupid Jashinist idiot. "One sec!"

"BETTER DAMN BE!"

I pulled up the link. Damn it, it needed a password. The username was 'FrodoBagginIt', and I started collapsing on the floor, laughing. But then the password was so freaking obvious that no one even needed to think on that one. I typed in the word 'Spock'. The computer let me through. Success!

"Okay, Hidan…"

"WHAT?"

"HIDAN!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. God, did he want everyone to know that the Zombie Bros and a kidnapped Fangirl were robbing the National Bank of New York City? Oh, wait, I DO!

"OKAY, SO THE CODE IS…" I pulled up the link in a flash. "1,2,3,4,5,6,7… 8…" Oh my god. That's so pathetic it makes Pink Eyes look like a genius.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" He screamed insanely, "THIS PLACE WAS MADE FOR DICKLESS TWO YEAR OLDS!"

"I don't know what to tell, you! Just be freaking happy we have the passcode!"

Hidan grumbled as he opened the door from far away. Not long a siren sounded from the entire building, red and louder than hell. Kakuzu came back, riding on the Ice Power Ranger, confused.

"Haley, what is this annoying flashing noise?" He asked over the bell.

I started panicking. This was worse than when Grandma threatened to beat me up with her cane if I didn't wash her feet with soapy water. "It's an…. alarm that alerts the… umm…" I tried to put in words that even Hidan would understand. "…ANBU."

Kakuzu's jolly Christmas eyes widened. He knew shit was going down if we didn't move quicker.

"HIDAN!" he grumbled loudly. "What's taking so long? I sent one of my hearts to help collect some of the money-"

"OLD MAN, I AM TRYING MY JASHIN KISSED ASS OFF! I DIDN'T GET THE PASSCODES THAT EARLY!"

Kakuzu glared at me with that crossed eyed insane Santa Clause stare, trying to scare me with fright, like my homeboy Yamato. They could be brothers, those two, with their evil ass stares and that they're secretly major perverts. "Okay, okay," I reasoned, "I tried my ass off to get the passcode-"

"Hey, what's that video camera doing-"

"Nothing! Nothing! You must be so old that you must be going blind, you poor old elderly ragdoll!"

"Well, whatever, we need Hidan here and ready to evacuate soon, or-"

Interrupted again, poor Kakuzu, except… I swallowed. The serious Po-Po are here. With guns.

"Come on!" I shouted over the siren. "We need to go; Hidan can survive on his own."

"What did you say, bitch?" Hidan was there with Fire Power Ranger (he swallowed all of the money), arms crossed and pissed off. Okay, I was in it from both Immortal Idiots if we live.

"Nothing! Okay, we got everything, and we need to go now. The… ANBU are here."

Hidan smiled evilly, cleaning his salad chopper for a weapon with his sleeve. "Leave all that shit to me."

I looked forward, innocent policemen's bodies lying lifeless and scarlet on the concrete. Not happening. Not with that scene. It's like running over a boxful of abandoned puppies. It's almost soul-scaring. Not that the immortal womanizer cares; he's too much of a moron. "Nope."

"Why the hell not?"

I coughed, and turned green, thinking ahead to what I'm going to do. I came towards his muscular ripped body, caressing his head, and our lips met. I did it wildly, but with no tongue. That's just gross, and definitely not with this guy. So many Hidan fangirls would shoot me right now.

I let go, and my head spun. Hidan came back up and looked plainly at me. "You just kissed me."

I gagged, almost throwing up in my mouth. "Yep. Now in exchange, we're blowing up the building instead. Just don't try and mistakenly kill anyone."

He walked off, dazed, and Kakuzu looked upon me in disgust. "Wow. That was just… really, really sad."

"You gotta do what you gotta do, Stitches," I responded, patting him on the back. A tentacle pushed my hand back onto my side, and I groaned sarcastically. "I know you're jealous, Scrooge."

Kakuzu almost jumped one foot in the air. "What the crap? This isn't the time to discuss this, Haley! Nor am I attracted to you in any way." He turned to an upcoming explosion from the roof, and he turned back to see a few cops trying to get in through the sealed glass door, sadly seeing us. "Come now!" He grabbed onto my hand and shot a string up to the roof, away from the fire. "He lifted me up, grabbing onto my hip and looked up. Suddenly I got this rush. It was gross, like in the movies, but the way Kakuzu held onto me like that and the way he looked down at me… it was sickening emotions. I think… I…

"COME ON, YOU FUCKERS!" Hidan yelled excitedly, pulling Kakuzu's string up to him. He smiled insanely and we looked off of the roof. Hidan could be Deidara's brother if he wanted to, like Yamato and Kakuzu. Both piss-your-pants-excited about blowing crap up, and bad hairdo's on men. He smiled to me, holding onto my hand as Kakuzu still held onto mine. The police screamed in fright, one pointing up at us and the rest following him. I felt superior to them, with these two Immortals… it was kinda cool.

"Here," Kakuzu pointed out, and one of his remaining Power Ranger Friends, Mr. Wind, came and landed on the roof, all of us hitting a ride. Mr. Fire would follow in pursuit with the money. Everything was perfect in plan. I still can't believe this all worked.

"Come back, you assholes!" screamed one police officer, shaking his fist violently into the air.

Hidan laughed his ass off, and flipped him off before we disappeared onto the clouds. Once we were all alone without any noise, I leaned on Kakuzu's back, who was sitting on the front. It was nice, and Hidan, who looked at me from the back, smirked. "I guess we didn't fuck up. Way to go, guys."

"Mhn." Were both of our responses. Me and Stitches enjoyed this, and didn't want Hidan to ruin it. I thought about today. Big Macs, Kabuto/Captain Spock, Power Rangers, Kissing the Immortal Womanizer, and falling in love. I sighed. Looks like we have a love triangle going on. Hidan likes me, and secretly… I kinda like Old Grandpa St. Stitches here. How funny.

I sank into his Akatsuki cloak, and Hidan's purple eyes watched me as I sank into sleep.

This has got to be the best day yet.


	10. Television Time, Secrets, and Fish DNA!

**Hey Guys!**

**Okay, so I had stuff to do. Big deal. You can cope without me for two weeks. Don't blame me. **

**Naw, I'm only kidding. Except the fact that I'm totally busy, so the next update could be a while. Not that long as you think, though. I'll try my best to bring 'em in!**

**So… COMMENTS!**

**Kakashi Forever (chap. 9): STICHES McCHRISTMAS! That's a good one! And yes, Hidan, no matter how hot he is, has nothing on Haley. She's rather be with Scrooge, sadly saying. Thanks for the review!**

**WildTiger777 (chap.9): Yeah… I kinda made the whole relationship thingy while I was typing away. But now it progressed, and BAM! You got it. Thanks for the comments, and I'm glad you still love it!**

**Darcy of Akatsuki (chap.9): Omg. Your name is Hayley? Haha, that's ironic. My name's not really Haley, but I love the name ;) so haha thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoy more!**

**MidnightNinja777 (chap.8): Hehe, so I'm not the only one who uses bad puns! Not that yours is bad… I love people who use them! Thanks for enjoyin' it! (not that good, sorry haha) :)**

**Osuwari-657 (chap.7): Grandma Badass hitting Kakuzu in the package was the funniest thing I think I have ever written. I love you for giving me one of the best positive reviews ever, so CONGRADS! And human backpack… no one beats that but Captain Kakuzu himself. Thanks!**

**So… I'm really happy for all of the comments, but I'd like some criticism here and there. What do you want me to write about? Type it for me. Just to say whatever, put it in. **

**I'd like to say thanks for so much for patience and other crap like that because of my sports and honors classes, so in return… here you go! The tenth update! Here we go, peoples! **

10

"Hey, Haley-chan…"

"Mhmhn…"

"Girlie, get up…"

"Get away from my waffles, you prick… or I'll hit you with my… 12 inch revolver…"

"I got it… GET UP OR HIDAN WILL HAVE TO GET YOU UP!"

My eyes opened straight up, and I blinked, looking around the room. It was in a hotel. The bed was huge, enough to fit even one Choji. And of course, I knew who was there… Stitches McChristmas himself, and who else but my favorite and only shark on legs, waiting for me, standing up at the side of the bed. Kisame was grinning, and Kakuzu was giving me the stare again, and if you've kept on, it's the one where he has those blend of red and green, and he narrows his eyes and thinks he's the best thing ever created on the face of the earth… my ass.

"Ha! Hey, there, girlie! Kakuzu! That was the perfect wakeup call!" Kisame laughed. And the thing is, he laughs so weirdly. Like he was coughing up a furball of something. I tried to laugh the same way as him, but it failed me completely when I got the hint from Kisame, who pulled out his big ass sword at me with a pissed off look on his blue face.

"Do you remember who I am?" he roared, teeth looking like saws from my distance.

I mused sarcastically. "Hm… I got this… K…K… Konan…" Hehe, this reminded me of Might Guy (my hero) in that episode where he battles Kisame, and Fillet O' Fish here is all pissed off that Guy doesn't remember him. One of the funniest episodes. Ever.

Kisame blinked. "Wait… what? No!"

"No, no, that's not it, you're right… hmm… OH! You're one of those guys from Avatar! Those blue people from Pandora! No, wait, even better! You're from Davy Jones' crew! One of those mutant pirates from Pirates of the Caribbean!" I jumped out of bed. "Omg! Can I have your autograph?"

Kisame was turning purple (ya know, blue plus red equals my favorite color) with fury and Kakuzu was holding him back from me. And sadly, Kisame called shots on killing me first. Aw, too bad my sweetheart isn't letting him, or he'll call in the color rangers from his back. Oh jeez… did I just call him my sweetheart? I need more sleep; it's official.

While Sharky was yelling and swearing as Kakuzu pulled him out, he raised his eyebrow to me. "Haley… you'll be needed at the lounge in a minute… Leader's having a meeting. And I had to pay for EVERYTHING, so just come down."

"Sure, whatever, Ka-ka-ka-kuzu. Ya know, your name sounds like a bird-"

He slammed the door in my face. That was nice. Prick. I can't believe I like him.

I put on stuff that was in the drawers, instead of my stinky sweatshirt that smelt like blood and crap from guess who but our favorite Zombie Brothers who kept rolling me into the human backpack. I had my dark green navy cut shirt, my black leggings and tan boots. Practical. I shrugged in the mirror. I looked like crap. My blonde hair was all snarly from the rambles and I had dirt on the sides of my face. Nice one, Haley. You'll be surrounded by the sexiest criminals in the freaking world and you'll look like crap. Dog crap, I might add.

I opened the door, not really caring, took the elevator, and went down. The elevator music was bad as always, and I was there to finally see… The Akatsuki! What a surprise.

It was pretty funny, this whole stupid scene. The security guards were all knocked out on the ground, slumped over. Captain Shmex was in charge of that one. The hotel secretariat was tied up, duct tape plastered onto his mouth, and he was panicking, sweat coming out of his face, tears coming out of his eyes. This reminded me of Captain Spock/Kabuto 2.0. The secretariats always get beat up, not to mention. The lights were all on, and my eyes widened. The Akatsuki were looking at me.

"So… hi, guys." I replied, looking around. I pointed to the poor secretariat. "Is this necessary?"

The unnamed guy tied to the chair cried even more to Sasori, who was right next to him. Pinocchio sighed, and chopped his neck, blacking him out. He fell, sighing and I cringed as his head hit the cold floor. Sasori looked at me, expecting some sort of retort. I sighed. "Okay…" It's not worth getting into a fight with Mr. Immortal Artist here, boyfriend of our beloved Deidara princess in the corner, sipping orange juice delicately in the corner. I blinked tiredly and made my way into the waffle maker area of the caf.

And on perfect timing… Tobi the secret asshole.

"Haley-chan!" Tobi cried, breaking the silence. "It's been soooo long!" He hugged me. That about squished the brains out of my head, thank you very much, Lollypop.

"Tobi, get the hell off of me, or you'll be seeing red from your insides," I growled. He leaped off immediately. "See?" I pointed to my chest in pride. "I got that one from St. Santa Stitches. Yeah, he about made my day yesterday."

"Hmm…" an ice cold voice crept behind that mask. Oh shit. Madara's back. "I've heard you've been sharing miniature affections with one of my members. Love is a pathetic emotion…"

"And this is from the guy who's lived one hundred years and have never kissed a girl before!" I laughed, leaning on Madara in order to hold my stomach. Let's just say he didn't like it. He grasped tightly onto my arms, pulling me off, crossing his arms, trying to connect eyes with me.

"Wow, you can be a real bitch, can't you?" I laughed, wiping the tears out of my baby blues, "And if you're trying to melt my brain with your brother's stupid Sharon-gan eyes, you've got another thing coming, asshole."

His voice rose. "Do you know who you're talking to?"

"Hm, well first, I wouldn't yell if you want your subordinates to know who you are… AGAIN…" I raised my eyebrows, "And also, I know you're Madara Uchiha. So there. I do."

"COME INTO THE LOBBY FOR AN ORGANIZATIONAL MEETING!" Pain in the Asses called out. The walls shook. I smiled. "Well, we better be getting there, or Leader will have your neck."

"I'll have yours soon after we're done with this irrelevant mission." Madara grumbled. He stomped out, but when we met at the lobby, he started skipping towards Deidara, the drama queen rolling his eyes. How girly. "SENPAI!" He cried, a childish voice coming out while Deidara's face went red with anger… or maybe embarrassment that Tobi was his boyfriend? Who knew these days.

Purple Buggars eyed everyone. "Okay, so we've brought everyone here before us. To inform you all just in case you all didn't hear from rumor, but yesterday, Hidan and Kakuzu had gathered all of the necessary spending money to use in this world… approximately ten million dollars."

Ten freaking million dollars? Oh man, I'm screwed.

"All caught on tape, I must add," Pein grumbled, grabbing the clicker. He flicked on the news on channel nine and pointed on the screen. "This box informs us all of the importance of this world, including outside news."

"And SpongeBob, and Scooby Doo, and Teletubbies," I added, pointing too. Pain gave me the eyes again, just like Kakuzu, and I slumped onto the couch, pouting. Assholes can never appreciate good television these days.

And speaking of Kakuzu, he sat next to me, stretching his stitched arms on the couch, one arms near my shoulders. "Hey," he whispered, stretching a smile for me. "What did I miss?"

"Hm, I dunna know… TEN MILLION BIG ONES? Are you serious, here, you cheap old bastard! And don't try to hit on me, or Granny's coming back!"

Kakuzu's Christmas eyes widened, and he cringed as he was covering his package, looking towards the window for any sights of that Badass Granny Chiyo look alike. Kisame raised an eyebrow, and a grin came on. He copied me as Kakuzu was too busy looking for the exit sign.

"What scared your boyfriend, blondie?" he asked, smirking already. "Spent all of his money or something?"

"Hahaha… no. It's something I'll have to show you later, but in case, because you're my second favorite Akatsuki member, it's a little blackmail for the two zombie bros. YouTube is the solution to all problems, my dear friend… and also, he's not my freaking boyfriend!"

He chuckled darkly. "Sure, sure… but if you don't want to be his lover… than Hoshigaki Kisame is available, and no one says no to me."

Wait… what the crap? He freaking likes me? I almost needed a barf bag, there. I don't know what caused his mother to have done it with a shark, but his blue shark-merman son is a huge pervert. ME with KISAME. Oh boy.

"Um… how do I put this lightly as possibly…? Um… no way in HELL, YOU WALKING TALKING BOSTON MARKET TO GO!"

"Eh-"

"I'm not taking anything from take-out from Red Lobster! Kakuzu's mine! And I like him!"

"Um, blondie…"

"You know what I said! Wait… did everyone just hear that?"

"Hehe… yeah…"

My eyes widened as I watched all of the Akatsuki eyed me with intensity. Deidara was hiding his laugher, and Purple Buggars, well, ya know. He was being over emo like always. Hidan was clutching his chest, grinding his teeth together, breathing deeply. The stripper Jashinist didn't like this one bit. "Fucking bitch…" he shook insanely, like he was no some drugs that Juugo had used before attacking some innocent little girl randomly walking up.

The old rag doll blinked. "Haley… is this true? You have… I can't even pronounce it."

"No!" I bellowed; fists into balls now. "No, it's nothing! It's stupid, you five hearted bastard!" I formed tears but I didn't want anyone to see. I glared at Kisame, who sighed, grinned, and waved at me from the couch. Again, I hope he dies soon. The new manga comes out tomorrow and Kisame's on the run. Or even better, I'll fry the fish right now.

Pein looked like he was growling. "Now… can we continue without any irrelevant disruptions? Good. Let's focus in onto the upcoming news report. It shows the robbery that we committed, and the alleged ANBU are on their way. So here comes the broadcast. Listen, especially you three." I felt his finger point at me the most than the Immortal Idiots. I was the one in the dress.

The same lady from New York City's news report came on. Again, character similarity. IT was Karin. Well, a more skankier version, not that there was a difference. Too much makeup, and the picture was in high-def too. Hair was red, glasses, lips always pursed out, and eyeing her co-anchor. Ha! They could be twins if they wanted to.

"We interrupt this program to bring you this news bulletin. Yesterday, an attack against our City bank has been reported. Taken was ten million dollars…"

I felt warmth on my hand, tight. I looked next to me, and that person was smiling under his mask.

"What do you want, St. Kleptomaniac? Want to steal my wallet before you die of old age?"

He glared again. Ah, such good memories. "Shut up, you."

"Okay, okay, just checking, Scrooge." That was it. He liked me back.

I continued watching as we secretly held hands as tightly as possible. "… and the criminals suspected were seen in black cloaks with red flowers on them..."

"FLOWERS? FUCKING FLOWERS? BULLSHIT!" I didn't even have to look up to find out who that was, but when the weather lady skank described the cloaks, I burst out laughing.

"Deidara! You finally got what you wanted! A feminine touch on such fashion!"

Kisame couldn't breathe properly after that one. Barbie's face burned red. "Shut up, hmm!"

No retort? That gives me a hint. Anyways, onto the rest. "… and a girl about teen age with a short red dress and blonde hair. The evidence left were as secretariat knocked out on the floor, with what seems to be surrounding him as blood…" No duh, lady. It's floor ketchup. "… and frozen security guards in blocks of ice. They are being unfrozen as the crime goes on, but keep an eye out for anything suspicious. On to you, Kent." She smiled, looking at her anchorman. I totally called that on Karin Number 2.

Pein in the balls hit the power button, expecting an answer from his subordinates. "We were successful, but it was a narrows escape, from what I heard from Kakuzu. Next time, don't be so predictable in this world. They are much weaker, but they have technology. They almost pinpointed our identities. Don't be so obvious. Understand?"

"Yes, Leader," was the only thing said in a mile. Pheh, stupid followers. I mumbled, "Suck it, you prick" by myself without anyone finding out. And I though these guys were ninjas and knew everything. Apparently not, now that I know most of them. Then I remembered what I was going to show, just for everyone's enjoyment. I grinned wildly.

"EVERYONE TO THE COMPUTERS! I HAVE TO SHOW YOU ALL SOMETHING!"

Haha, yes. Revenge is served sweet with a side of Grandma Badass and Zombie leg.


	11. Who Wants to Watch Youtube?

**Hi guys! **

**So 11****th**** update! Thanks for your stupendousness!**

**Um… new update… new character… and with my Dei-kun and Sasori no danna! That's what you'll be seeing next week, maybe even this week, my lovies! And here are the comments:**

**Corrupted Justice (chap.10): HAHAHA thanks! And with your character, I'm on it! And SpongeBob's imagination rainbow is epic. :P**

**Kakashi Forever (chap.10): Hehe yeppers it will trust me. Thanks for reviewing!**

**WildTiger777 (chap.10): Yep! I cordially thank you for commenting! Just remember… the internet is a magical place… lolz**

**DidiTwitches (chap.10): 0_0 just wait and see… hehe… *sneaky face* thanks for reviewing! By the way, I love your story! PLEASE keep updating ^_^**

**Yep, so regular drill, peoples who read this. Review for Kakuzu's sake.**

**Kakuzu: "Help! I'm being held hostage by this psycho! She burnt my money while I was tied up! If you are reading this, come and kill her!"**

**Pheh. That was nothing. If there are any Kakuzu fangirls, please come and glomp him. He's all yours. **

**Kakuzu: "NO! For the money's sake!"**

***pushes him aside* Peoples, let's read the epic adventure of Haley and the Akatsuki. AND REVIEW. Pay no attention to the captive in the corner. Thanks! *awkward smile* **

* * *

11

So where did I leave off… hmm… oh yeah! Sweet, sweet revenge.

I rushed to the main lobby, grabbing one of those swirly chairs and spun my way onto the computer. "Come on, you guys! It's probably the best things you'll ever see!"

Pein in my Ass sounded from the lobby along with his stupid assholes for subordinates. "If it is irrelevant to the topic or it is something to escape, you have no mercy."

I narrowed my eyes to that Pierced Wonder. No wonder he can't catch a girlfriends. Heh. Even with all of that metallic jewelry, he's not a… (wait for it)… CHICK MAGNET! I cringed in my own humor… again, I could be David Cook one day.

"What are you fucking smiling about, bitch?" asked Hidan miserably in the corner, stabbing himself with his salad chopper. Wow. His guy has serious emo issues. Him and SAS-GAY would get along well. His face hid behind shadow, his lip quivering with blood.

"It's the best thing you'll ever see… trust me…!" I cackled and I could hear the evil organ playing with the thunder and lightning in the background. Then I snapped back, seeing a puddle right next to Stripper Boy. "Wait… are those TEARS? Oh my god, you're crying!" Where was the camera for that Kodak moment? Click! I could see the headlines, peoples! Jashin fanboy cries of Patheticness!"

He turned bright red. "Fuck no!" he spat in my face, the wind blowing against me, "If you fucking think I give a fucking shit about bitches like you, you're fucking screwed on that guess!"

Wow. We got ourselves a pottymouth here, son.

I grinned. "Well, I've got something here that will lift your spirits! Hey guys, come on!" I yelled to those stubborn babies on the lobby.

"No." Guess who that was. No shocker for Purple Buggars.

"What if I tell you it's about the kyuubi Jinchuuriki Uzumaki Naruto?" Gosh, that's a mouthful. I dare you to say it five times fast without adding a spasm onto your tongue.

…And Pain approaches! With the other members! Kakuzu's giving me that loving, caressing look of death again, and Dr. Shmex and Pinocchio… bored as ever. Never get tired of those two goofballs. And Kisame Hoshigaki can't wait. Just look at his face. He's dying for it. Deidara… enough said. Those gullible idiots. They'll never know what hit them.

I logged onto YouTube. Click. Click. Click. Subscriptions. Then my eyes widened.

"New Freaking Manga! Kisame, I get to know if you die or not! Let's see it!"

Shark boy swallowed. "Um, let's not."

Pain refocused those creeper eyes at me, and then I almost collapsed on the ground in fright. I swear Yamato, Kakuzu and Purple Buggars are all related. "Show us the information on the kyuubi."

I groaned. "Fine. Worthless assholes," I muttered, **(SPOILER ALERT!) **"Geez, and by the way, Kisame, Guy kicks your ass. Knocked out. You're captured by Killer Bee, Naruto, the semi-hot pathetic guy with the goggles, Guy, my homeboy Yamato, and some other character whose name I never know. You're getting your mind read by the goggles guy, and you're whole youth life is spilt and we come so freaking close to seeing the controller of the fourth Mizukage and then you bite your tongue off when you wake up, and now you're on an unstoppable rampage. How's that for a summary?"

Kisame twitched. "I'm glad… I had first shots on you; girlie… you're dead after this."

"Aw, don't like your fortune?" I snickered while I tried to find the video. Ah, here it is. "Here it is in color, Leader. It says, 'Old Rag Man and Jashinist Pottymouth vs. Grandma Badass'… oh my lawd! It's gotten 5 million views since yesterday!"

"Wait, that's not it…"

"Kakuzu, do you know what this is? Fucking hell will be let out!"

"Don't you press that button, Haley."

I snickered. "Then pray for your pants, boys!" I reached out to click for play. A tentacle came shooting out of Kakuzu's arm, fast as lighting, going to grab my arm. Time slowed as I looked from Good Ole St. Stitches to my arm. Both grabbed. And I clicked right before he grabbed my arm and pulled it back.

The video played. There was Granny with my two main characters, and something is muttered, and Hidan swears (like always), and my favorite part comes. Bruce Lee on Hidan. Body slams everywhere, and our favorite stripper priest is being decapitated while his ear is pulled by an 80 year grandmother. And the laugher begins. Kisame's already going to pass out, and then Grandma played Hidan's head like a basketball and dribbled him. Almost everyone laughed. Except for Pein in my Ass and Itachi. Zetsu was going crazy on the white part of his twisted face while black was yelling about being hungry.

Then Kakuzu came on the screen, trying to reason. And aha! There comes the purse in the tenders, and the pepper spray in the face. I turned to see Dr. Shmex… he cracked a smile. Oh my god. It's the apocalypse!

The video ended when I was being grabbed by Scrooge there with his rape tentacles, and that about ended it. I mean, who wouldn't laugh at those idiots being kicked in their immortal asses by an elderly pigeon lady. And Kakuzu's face back there… priceless. Speaking of the devil, I glanced back. He. Was. Pissed.

"Haley…" he started grumbling underneath his unwashed mask. Literally, does he take that thing to the cleaners every once in a while? Oh god. Crazy eyes are back.

"Hey, what's that video?" Deidara pointed out, eyes widened.

"Nope. Nope. Nope," Leader argued. Geez, someone didn't have a good time. "Haley, we will deal with the consequences now-"

Click. Click. I smiled in my death-stare to Carrot Top. "Too late." I turned to the members, who were still recovering. "What you see may be mentally scarring, so please… tune in."

The video played. And the music was some really cheesy 70's love song. And right there on the first slide was Deidara and Sasori… making out. "And may I introduce you to yaoi! Deidara, perfect pick for a pansy like you!"

Deidara was covering his eyes, although I could see little tints of pink from his cheeks. Hehe; Barbie's embarrassed that I found that. Sasori was stiff, twitching his left eye, eyes never moving the awful picture. "This dimension is made purely out of insanity," he murmured.

Once everyone saw the fan art, they all groaned. I laughed, being me. "Well, I'm so glad it worked out, but the next slide will kill all of you."

"Haley-chan, you need to stop," Purple Buggars threatened, pulling out the big spike. Ouch. It's too bad he doesn't really have a yaoi pairing of him and someone. I would torture him like Dr. Shmex and his bloody eyes.

The slide transitioned. And on the beach were Kisame and Itachi. Kisame was carrying Itachi baby style, and both of them were looking into each other's eyes, smiling sweetly. And did I mention that Itachi was in… A BIKINI?

"HAHAHA OH FUCKING HA!" Well, readers, you already know who that is, "PWNED! OH SHIT THIS IS TOO MUCH!" he got out of his little emo corner and came to see more. Kisame screamed bloody murder, and tried to get Hidan to give him his salad dicer. That means we get our dinner tonight and we don't even need to pay for it. Cold, blue, sushi.

Itachi, Dr. Emo Shmex himself, had left the room after seeing that. He was in the main lobby, checking his eyesight. "It worsened," he muttered depressingly.

"Well, there was Tobi and Zetsu, but they weren't that popular… so finally, my favorite pairing…" I cackled, evilly looking at the two Zombie idiots in the corner. They looked up at me, and we were having the stare down. The western cowboy showdown music was playing. And while Hidan and Kakuzu were coming to stop me, I clicked play again. They stopped in their tracks, realizing it was too late.

There they were, sharing one grave with each other, holding hands and smooching. A sight to see. Once they saw it, both jaws dropped. "MUTHA FUCKERS! HOLY JASHIN, SHIELD YOUR EYES!"

"I'm trying, but I can't stop staring at it!" St. Stitches added, crazy eyes on the screen. "Haley! If you love me, stop the damn video!"

I couldn't stop laughing at those two go at it in a grave. What a treat. "Love? I love this! Are you fucking kidding me? I hope it doesn't end!"

"NOOOOOO!" yelled everyone, eyes on me, evil thought entering their heads. Uh oh. There was something going on that I'm probably involved with. I tried to hide under the desk, but my algid kleptomaniac insane boyfriend lifted the desk off and flung it out the room, computer with it. Ah man. I was hoping I would show them their other character pairings. I pouted, giving Ebenezer the lip. "Don't kill me, it was only for some freaking fun… right guys…?"

I only heard sharpening of swords and grumblings. That only means one thing. Either human backpack… or I'm getting knocked out. Again. For my Uncle Pete's sake, can y'all stop making me black out?

They didn't even hear me plead for my party. These Akatsuki dudes were unfair. Piercings Boy came up to me, raised black stabber in my face. I hope he wasn't going to freak up my face, or he'll be hearing from my lawyers, and the big bill comes in, and Kakuzu will kill the whole organization.

So anyways, he raised it, Buggars sticking out like bug eyes. Someone get the mosquito swatter before…

It was too late. That emo carrot top slammed my head, causing me to fall asleep for the freaking fourth time. Damn you, Chick Magnet, I hope Konan ditches you.

. . .


	12. Justice to America, Pricks!

**Hello, my lovelies! (Okay, that was a slight bit creepy for an intro, I might add.)**

**So I've got news. Fun news… okay *drum roll*… there's a NEW CHARACTER COMING IN! Yahoo! **

**So I got the awesome character from Corrupted Justice, who was awesome to share, so might as well, right! There is a fine example of a review. (Speaking of, REVIEW!)**

**So here are the comments back to you excellent folks that responded:**

**-Mmyself29: Well, awesome! Glad you couldn't stop laughing! (I'm not really a comedian, but I made stuff no as I go, hehe) and yes, I adore Grandma Badass, and she adores you. Thanks!**

**-Kakashi Forever: Yes. YouTube is God. Jashin has nothing on the land of the internet. Awesome, glad you liked it, and thanks for commenting, like, forever!**

**-jestie kiryuu: Wow, that's a lot of letters to express one's self for this story, and I know what it means and everything, so, well, BIG FREAKING THANKS TO YOU! *throws a cookie… no, wait… a CAKE to you* I APPRECITATE YOUR ENTHUSIASM!**

**Well, also, I want to note that I don't own Akatsuki (BUT I REALLY WANT TO), Naruto Abridged (if you haven't seen it, go on the holy site! YouTube, for all you pricks who don't know what that is), and George Washington (yeah, you'll see if you read).**

**Have fun, read, REVIEW, and well, um… HAPPY TURKEY DAY! :P**

**

* * *

**

12

Here we are again, same old place, same old pavement… wait… WHAT?

My eyes opened, seeing wooden butt. That's attractive. "Hey Gingie! Might wanna stop dragging me on my face, or you'll be the wood for the fire out on our next camping trip!" I pouted, about to smack Sasori-no- get a clue. Pinocchio dropped me on my ass again, and then I realized my hands and feet were tied. Hey! The Worm is back, everyone!

"Might wanna recap on that one. Why don't you send yourself back to Disney? Your creator still might have his head frozen somewhere in the freezer."

A simple no was heard. Then I saw a shadow approach me. I looked up; there was a perfect lock of blonde hair. "Hey there, Goldilocks! Can you be a nice girl scout and untie me?" Heh heh. So I was with the two lovebirds this round of the trip. More blackmail means more torture for them! I wanted the cue for the thunder and lightning; I guess that didn't work.

Dei-dei sighed, bringing me up to my feet and only untying the feet. "You're walking, hm."

"What, no little art project? I was expecting a big chicken to soar us to Wonderland," I made a whinny face and stayed in my place. Sasori walked to me. Slowly and sexy like. Mhn hm, work it, boy.

"Listen girl, I don't stand nonsense. I expect you to be silent throughout the entire trip to our next destination, or your head might be decapitated from your body. Understood, girl?"

I nodded, but interrupted. "Wait! Can I at least get something off my chest, first?"

"No-"

"FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!" I yelled my brains out, enjoying every bit of little freedom. "DEIDARA AND SASORI ARE GOING OUT BIG TIME! OH LALA! Oh, okay, I think I'm done now, redhead." I breathed out intentionally, loving this. Deidara showed hints of red on his face. Aw, how cute. "I can't believe we can't kill her, hm."

"Yeah, what a shame," Sasori replied, still thinking about what to do with me. "But we can make her shut up. You've got your clay, right?"

"Yeah, hm, tons of it." Oh shit. This is going somewhere, and not good on my part.

Deidara gladly passed him a little, and just before I knew it, he slapped it on my mouth before I could even breathe. That was nice, Haley. Way to get out of it. "Hm mmm mn hm!" I tried to scream, but the Barbie's art project was dead on sticky. I wish one of Barbie's professions wasn't to be an artist, because the doll right here is a failure at that. We continued walking, and Deidara was having a good old time, laughing his ass off because my mouth was covered. Bitch.

. . .

It was getting hot, and we were on the highway to the west, and I needed to piss. I mean, like, fire hydrant piss. And without my mouth, the two boyfriends couldn't hear me, so made an attempt at trying to communicate. "MHM!"

"What, hm?" Deidara grumbled in a bitchy way. Oh yeah… he was a drama queen. Never forgot about that part. He came to me and ripped it off my mouth. "OWWWWW! Geez, you wanna rip my lips off?"

"Partially yes, hm."

"Okay, I gotta piss like a racehorse."

"Have fun. There's no restrooms."

"Well, no shit, Sherlock," I retorted, screaming and blowing saliva all over his pretty little face. Sasori looked back at us. "What?" he asked plainly, not really caring.

"She's gotta go, you know… pee."

I almost collapsed in laughter. Never have I heard anyone feel some uncomfortable about pee in my life. Wait 'till it snows… he'll be seeing yellow spots all over the snow, like gross lemonade slushiness. And the funny thing is that he was telling this to his puppet boyfriend. Like they haven't talked about 'down there' before.

"Okay, okay, fine," Sasori sighed, untying my wrists, "Just go in the bushes in the woods." He finally got me loose, and I scrammed to the nearest bush. Yes, I did my business, and then I pulled up my pants, secretly hoping that those two didn't see me do it in action. Nah, they probably were too grossed out to be seeing girl parts. But then again, Deidara was a girl. Eh, whatever. I started to walk back when out of nowhere; someone grabbed my leg and pulled. When I was pulled under the trees, there was a girl. A psycho girl I knew with short black hair, was shorter than Sasori-no-height, and wore red, white, and blue. Oh, of all people, it had to be one of my best friends.

"Haley, I'm here to save you! Don't worry! It's going to be okay, just shut up and stay still!"

The girl had unrolled the deadly duct tape. No! God damn it, I thought I was out of here! Before I could react, she duct taped my mouth and my body. Then she started dragging me. "OH-M-F-GEE! You're hallucinating! Maybe you've been hypnotized my Itachi! Oh my god, that's it! Or maybe-"

"MHNN HMM!" (I'm going to friggin' kill you!)

"Don't worry… Justice is here to save the day! Well you know, Haley, me, Justice, and the other supreme justice of America! It's my new trademark. You like it?"

She let go of me and I fell to the ground like a tree to the ground. Timber. "Wow, to think that my best friend robbed a bank with… Hidan! Oh my Jashin, that guy is soooo freaking hot that it would take the whole New York Firemen to cool him off! I can't believe that you're with the AKATSUKI!" Yeah… did I mention she was a fangirl? If you thought that, give yourself a round of applause. You're not an idiot. Justice had finally ripped off the duct tape, and I winced in pain.

"OWWW! You wanna fucking rip my mouth off my face? But… as good, as it is, I'm really happy to see someone I know." The girl had put me in stranglehold of a hug. "Okay, kay, I love you to, Justice."

She released, giving me the whitest smile. Then her big brown eyes widened. "Oh yeah! We have to get you out of here! You robbed a bank! You were on TV, and it's all over the national news! And then I was looking on YouTube, and Kakuzu was getting his ass kicked by an old lady-"

"YOU SAW THAT? YESSS! That was my recording, thank you very much." I bowed to her, and she clapped amusingly. "7 million views and counting!"

We both squealed. Yes… best friends tend to do that together. Justice looked at me innocently. "Wait… we have to get you outa here! As a member of the United States, I have the right to kidnap you back!"

"I don't think that's a good idea," one particular blonde snickered playfully while his boyfriend creeped up behind him. Ew. Puppet sex. Our faces were of horror, and I cried out: "You two are sick! I can't believe you saw me going to the bathroom!"

Sasori crossed his arms. "But we didn't-"

Justice's eyes widened. "Okay, what the fuck? You guys can't do that! Besides…" she took a slide step near Deidara, raising her eyebrows, making a move on Barbie. "…if you wanna check out a girl and ask her to lunch… call on me, k?" She smiled, those pearly whites coming out. Deidara was practically twitching, seeing a girl hit on him… oh sorry about that… her.

Sasori, being the deceptive little red haired midget that he is (no, seriously, he's 5 foot 3, and I'm 5 foot 5. Beat 'cha!), grabbed Justice by the neck collar and Deidara grabbed my wrists that were still held together with the evil stuff known as pink duct tape. "Hey, let go of me, Pincchio!"

I laughed. "Heh heh… that's what I call him."

She faced the puppet man in attempt to slap. "If you think you're kidnapping me, you've got another…"

I gasped. No way, you crazy yaoi obsessor! Justice's head slumped and Sasori-no-pinchie… well, you know from previous times. I could hear Justice snore. She was known for that. "Hey, Barbie! Let me go and I'll give you my sparkly pink hair brush!" Attempted smile, succeeded fail. "Stop calling me that name, hm!"

Well, here was the rest. Sasori carried her the whole time, and boy, she would have loved it, well… if she weren't knocked out. I, on the other hand, had the bad end of the deal. Barbie was behind me, holding my wrists together. He looked around a lot, his beautiful ponytail flowing in the breeze. Come to think about it, his hair was blonder and prettier than mine! No fair, he's from the opposite gender and still can pass as a more attractive girl that me.

"Hey, drama queen."

No response.

"Hey there, Barbie, it's me, Ken."

Nothing.

"I decided a different tactic. "_He's a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world-"_

I got through to him. "Shut the hell up, hm! Or else I'll have to tie you onto the bird."

Whoa, whoa. BIRD? "We're taking the chicken-mobile?"

Deidara looked particularly insulted. "It's a bird that flies, hm! Chickens don't fly! And don't insult my art! One more word and I'll have to show you what a real bang is, hm!" He let go of my wrists as he made his little hand signs of doom. Then with his hands- OH GOD! Those things were on my hands and EW!- chewed a piece of clay and he dropped it on the ground. It exploded, and the chicken was here. "CLUCKY!" I yelled, waving my hands in the air! (A/N: I love Naruto Abridged, so there may be a few references in here)

"What the hell just happened?" Guess who's awake? Justice was rubbing her scalp, not realizing she was being carried. Then she looked up and saw No-Danna narrowing his eyes at her. Nope, sorry Puppet Boy, no Sharingan for you. Justice looked at me, and she realized her captor was Pinocchio in the flesh. "Aw crap!"

We hopped on the bird, and Deidara cackled slightly while making his little hand signs, flying Clucky into the air. While we were up, Justice sniffed. "You might want to add this little sign to your jutsu." And then the best thing happened. She flipped off Deidara and Sasori at the same time. I almost fell off the bird, laughing my ass off, and Sasori rummaged through his bag hidden under his cloak.

"Oh! Mysterious bag of surprises!" Justice cooed; brown eyes wide, "Is that where you keep all your spare parts? Or maybe it's full of crap to feed the giant pigeon!"

From the background, I heard: "It's not a pigeon, hm!"

Sasori grabbed the object. A needle. "Oh, some sewing, then? To make Dei-dei a pink fluffy sweater?" I asked innocently. We both laughed at the pathetic puppet known as Sasori-no-balls.

"No. This is for my jutsu to make you my servants and hopefully do as I say temporarily-"

"Oh, ha-ha!" I snapped, "I looked this up on Narutopedia! And with Yura! That guy was no fun. He died for Itachi! That was awful; I thought Dr. Shmex would at least loose a limb or something!"

"Uh, I don't think he's kidding, Haley," stuttered Justice, pointing at the needle. "You may be screwed, but I'm not! Small brain, remember? He can't bury a needle in me!" She smiled as she knocked on her noggin. Never did she realize that she wasn't the brightest bulb, either. Well, she wasn't an idiot, but more innocent and beginning to learn that anything else.

Sasori started to smile, those stupid George Washington wooden teeth showing. Oh no. We were screwed if this happened. "If I don't come back, tell Kakuzu that I love him!" I screamed as the needle was coming my way. Justice blinked and smiled. "Congrads, Haley! Oh, I'm so proud of you! Where's the ring?"

As I stated, we were screwed.


	13. Look! It's FemNaru!

**Peoples. You kill me.**

**10 REVIEWS FOR ONE UPDATE?**

**This is why people like you guys are awesome. With a capital AWE!**

**Okay (*sigh* this will be long), time for reviews! (And by the way, if I get over 10 responses, then I'll just send you guys a private message, but I'll share to the entire web who said what!) :P **

**DidiTwitches (chap.11): Yes! Major YAOI! Haha if they really saw it, then nose bleeds would be a squirtin', crap with be flowin' and Hidan… well, he going to try to find the possible way for him to do suicide. Can't wait for that holy day.**

**Sasunarufan101 (chap.11): Yeah, but I'm not really that big of a yaoi fan, but I did it because it was hilarious. SO DAMN HILARIOUS. Thanks for reviewing (:**

**Kakashi Forever (chap.12): Oh no. That won't happen. Trust me. Deidara may have some partake in Justice's love life, but not the Immortal Stripper. I'll let you have him, my awesome reviewer! ^_^**

**Jestie kiryuu (chap.12): YES! (I love enthusiasm and big letters!) Thanks soooo much (AND I FREAKING LOVE YOUR PROFILE PIC! XD**

**Emi and Alex (chap.12): Omg I must be a psychic. It's funny how thing go! And it's your brilliant idea for making Justice so thank you! And with the duct tape… yes. Yes he does. Thanks for reviewing and check out more chappies!**

**OsuwariKawaii (chap.10): YouTube shall reign as Hidan's god instead of Jashin, because he's got nothing. God of death = Computers. And thanks for reviewing! And with your flute story… PLEASE DO MORE! SOOOOO GOOD I NEVER SEE FANFICS LIKE THOSE ANYMORE! And with that, I have one tiny request… by one chance, can you stop by my page and I also have a story about a girl from Konaha joining Itachi and Kisame to go to Akatsuki (it's in the Untold Story of Betrayal) it's kinda ling for each chappie but I works kinda hard so… I would love you forever Osu if were to check it out ^_^ just please keep doing the flute story!**

**OsuwariKawaii (chap.11): I actually and literally lol'd at that one :P (And trust me… GRANNY'S COMING BACK TO HAUNT SOME PEOPLE. A lot of people absolutely love her)**

**OsuwariKawaii (chap.12): Clucky is from Naruto Abridged (and I love that show!) and if you haven't seen it, DO IT. And for Grandma Badass, she's not going to see Barbie and Pinocchio anytime soon, but Itachi and Kisame will ^_^ (just because they're my favs!) :3**

** (chap.12): If Osu told you this, she's awesome! And you've actually given me a helpful review. I feel really appreciative! (kudos to you!) Thanks for reviewing and I saw your deviantart pictures… omg. Those are amazing. My fav's Sasori ^_^ I also have an account under my name… but they're not as good.**

**WildTiger777 (chap.12): Haha thanks! Epic is right!**

**So thanks god I'm done… so here you go people! The lucky thirteenth chappie! **

13

"Whoa, whoa, puppet boy, this looks a little too dangerous, sticking that thing near my eye. You wanna back up so we can deliberately throw you off Clucky?"

"Once this is buried in your head, I'll make you stitch your mouth shut," Sasori-no-freaking-patience growled, clutching the needle hardcore like.

"Oh! Haley! This will be soooo fun!" Justice squealed, jumping up and down like she was Tobi on some Redbulls. Trust me. You should never picture that image. It's like seeing a pinball machine or Immortal Asshole on crack, killing everyone he sees. It's just mentally scarring if you had ever lived the experience. Just look at blondie over there. His brain got so messed up from seeing Tobi on sugar energy drinks that he turned into some mean transvestite in love with Pinocchio. I bet he's seen that movie a thousand times… in slow mo.

"No, no! This will not be fun because I know that jutsu in the manga, wait, you know Yura, right?"

"You mean the pathetic guy who killed his guards and took these guys here to go in Suna?"

"Yes! And this guy's gunna do that!"

Justice gasped, grasping her heart. "No fucking way is Sasori going to hurt my best friend! Come on, you can't do that!"

Sasori scoffed, thinking he was Deidara and the top of the world. "Oh? And why not?"

"Because I can call up Granny Chiyo and tell her what a bad boy you've been to two innocent little girls like us… no, I'm actually serious. I have her number in my cell phone." I blinked in shock as she pulled out her cell phone and Pinocchio stood still. She browsed through and called. "Yes, Granny Chiyo? Hi, this is Justice, remember… I helped you on the street one day? Yes, this is her. No, not Sasori… actually, I was here to talk about-"

"No! Shut up!" Sasori jumped and everything was in slow motion, and do you know who enjoyed it? Deidara Barbie doll. Bow chica wow wow. Sasori covered her mouth and exited out of the call. "Okay, okay, I won't perform the jutsu, all right? Just don't call in that… woman…"

Justice laughed at him. Clearly we have declared a winner. "I knew it. Just untie Haley's ropes, and we have a compromise." Sasori-no-balls, who groaned, came up to me and un-wormed me. (You see that? It could be used as an official verb now!)

I came beside Justice in WTF mode. "How the hell did you do that?"

"I don't have Chiyo's number… I just pretended!" She smiled deviously.

"I friggin love you right now, Justice. I was almost Pinocchio fodder," I rubbed my wrists while Deidara snorted in the background.

"What is it now, Blondie? Break a nail?"

The suicidal maniac transvestite person glared me down as he would to Tobi, except that he doesn't know who Tobi is, and I do. He's giving it right back at you from behind the lollypop mask… or he's making googly eyes right back at you, you blonde flirt. Then he or she turned to the ground. "We've got a sighting, hm!"

I looked down with Justice, and apparently Sasori-no-wanting-to-face-grandma thought he was too cool to look down to see what's going on. Either trying to be cool for the boyfriend or he's afraid of something else. Well, the name says it all.

What we both saw was a blonde kid with a orange jumpsuit, a blonde spaz by the likes of it, whistling apparently really loudly because we could hear it from 2000 feet up in the air.

"AFTER HIM, HM!" yelled you know who with a cry of happiness. Ouch. Too many happy pills for Dei-Dei. He dragged us down, the gravity being mean, blowing our faces towards the sky, and by the looks of it, Barbie was too excited because his tongue and mouth-tongues (Ew! I've always hated that!) were flying out of there. We landed, and then the kid starts running. But then from far away he turns to us, and starts running in our direction.

"NARUTO! WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU DOING? HE'S THE FREAKING ENEMY!"

"Aw!" Justice cringed, going all puppy-dog face on him, "I love Naruto-kuuuuunnnnn! Can we keep him, Saso?" She turned to puppet boy, who never responded back, jumping off Clucky with his boyfriends. I expected them to start holding hands. Saso and Dei-Dei. How cute. Pinocchio looked back to us girls with a pleasant scowl on his face. "Don't go anywhere or that needle's going into both of your hearts, because clearly both of your brains are far too small."

"Hey! I have a 4.2 GPA, thank you very very very much!" I shouted at redhead. Shut up, I'm a geek.

The boyfriends stopped in their tracks and with Naruto, some other people came out.

"Kyuubi, please come with us if you don't want to get killed," Sasori muttered like always, "We only want to establish peace."

Establish peace my ass. They want to end up in a closet doing it to each other, that's all. I laughed at more DeiXSaso Yaoi that should go on the video I forcefully showed the fun gang.

"I'm not Naruto, but thanks, cutie, my costume is very real-like," smiled the random cosplayer, "I like yours too, I'm totally in love with Sasori." He squealed, pulling off his hair, a mop of streaky blonde with purple stripes. "He's soooo fucking hot."

I was laughing on the sidelines when Justice nudged me. "What's going on? Naruto's a girl?"

"No, no, that girl was a cosplayer, and they don't know that yet. And the people behind her are dressed as other Naruto characters."

Sasori-no-comment, well, you know. And Deidara was on the verge of panic. I covered my mouth not to laugh at the scene I was witnessing. There was another Deidara. A fat one.

"And Deidara!" rumbled the oversize girl, "I could play with his hair all day!"

"Wait… Tawny, is that a clay bird in the back?" questioned the Fem-Naru.

Tawny? You've got to be kidding me right now. "Yeah, I guess, Christa." She even had the man voice right. Perfect. "You guys are amazing that you set this up."

"Okay, listen up, whoever you are, hm," Barbie spat, putting out a hand to stop them from talking again, "We're looking for someone who looks like you… um, except not a girl, hm."

"Woah, is that a real mouth on your hand?" screamed Christa, smiling like the devil.

He was in shock, and Sasori was on the verge of breaking up with him right now. "Um, yeah, I use it for my art hm, over there." He pointed to Clucky again, and when the cosplayers looked, we ducked down. We didn't want to be spotted with those two to look after.

"Then you must be… DEIDARA! And SASORI! Tawny, get the rope from Kendal over there. We got the real thing, right here." Her light blue lipstick stretched across her face while Deidara stood in fright. "Help, Danna!" He hid behind puppet boy, who felt that Dei was inferior to him. As always. Boyfriends have got to protect their girlfriends. "Look, ladies, I don't want to put up a full fight… oh my lawd!"

Tawny (I'm calling her Sumo-Dei) had jumped on top of both of them before they could react, and her butt oversized them all. Christa smiled again as they both moaned for Mother Mary, and the crowd of cosplayers picked them off the ground, duct tape in hand.

"That was OUR duct tape, baka!" yelled Sasori, getting his mouth glued.

"They must have found it… sorry, I know that was for other matters," apologized Blondie, being dragged away by numerous girls, "But this is HELL! HELP! HALEY! JUSTICE!"

Their sounds faded away in the background of all the crazy crowds marching the streets of Washington D.C. Me and Justice looked at each other in awe. Deidara and Acasuna no Sasori just got captured by fangirls.

"Haley… did you just see what I saw…?"

"As in those two getting beat by a four hundred pound Deidara and confessing that they use duct tape for more reasons than one… yes… I think so…"

"Are we gunna go… save them?"

"Uh…"

"Then Justice is to the rescue! Zooming above all heights, saving all friends and fighting off FemNaru's and Fat Barbie Dolls! Then you know who to call if there is a need for help… JUSTICE IS HERE, BITCH!"

I sighed to myself while we both started walking down the streets. She did try to save my life… but then make it worse. Might as well go along with it for… oh my gawd. Another lightbulb.

"AND MORE YOUTUBE GOLD FOR ME! If Grandma Badass go over seven million, then this torture stuff with the fangirls will be legendary! Let's go, then, Justice!

"One sec! I need my cape and mask!" She put on the essentials for fighting crime. A blue blanket and red undies with holes cut for the eyes. "Come, sidekick!"

Here we go again. "This isn't the Powerpuff Girls, you know…"

And this was the pathetic day that we were going to save the two 'artists' from having to have girls make out forcefully with them… and everybody knows that they don't want that.


	14. Break In, Biatch!

**So… hi. How was your Christmas? **

**Yeah, wanted to start the Author's Note with the SAME QUESTION I GET EVERYDAY. Really.**

**So! Um, ten reviews, again. YAYZ! I am in full debt for people's amazingness, so I think this one will be a doosey. PLEASE REVIEW LIKE THESE AWESOME PEOPLE HAVE!**

**-Akatsuki's a bang (chap.13): Haha thanks! :D These guys are so awesome that I need to make fun of them sometimes! (Especially some *cough cough* Deidara *cough cough*)**

**-Erin Ehmazing (Chap.13): Don't worry my amazing reviewer… that was you! I don't know what happened, but my stupid laptop was being a bia-tch. Um, There was that Sasori one where he's on the brink of death… it was sooo cute! I never really liked Sasori, but he looked epic! Nice job! The duct tape was in fact pink and used for more that sticking (bhaha), and Bow chika wow wow… that went nicely with Sasori. Thanks for being super amazing and saying all of those nice things! ^_^ I really appreciate it! It's readers like you that I keep on writing! (:**

**-DeadlyToaster (chap.13): First off, I cracked up at your name. So freaking epic. And with you staying up for it, greatly appreciated! Um, yes, with Saso and Dei, I felt bad writing it! Sumo-Dei's also a meanie, and she's just there to squish the living life out of people that annoy her. And this chapter will be great, don't worry! Thanks again!**

**-OsuwariKawaii (chap.13): First: Yes you are, and they're really great! Second: Haley's name is spelt like this. It's fine! Third: YAYZ! *smilie smilie smilie* Fourth: Yes. Yes. Yes. Just send in whoever in a private message and I'll get right on it and plan it with you! Fifth: Naruto Abridged is great! Haha and have you seen CanadianJutsu's as well? Grandma Badass will be there! Sixth: THANK YOU WITH A THOUSAND THANKS! AWESOME REVIEWER! *throws a virtual ten-foot cake at you* ENJOY!**

**-MidnightNinja777 (chap.13): Thank you sooo very much! And trust me, with Haley, Justice, Haley's famous camera, and YouTube, they form the team of AWESOMENESS. Fighting crime and saving the world from boring Akatsuki members!**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.13): Yes, yes, Hidan is yours. :P But Itachi and Kisame are both mine, just to let you know, awesome reader! **

**-narutokurayami (Chap.13): Those are such sweet words of greatness thank you very much! :D and by the way, I love your fanfic with a passion :P please update sometime!**

**-Jestie Uchiha (chap. 13): I'm sorry, everytime I look at that profile pic, I crack up. Literally. Not lol. And thanks for your positivity! It goes a long way!**

**-Dragonfire2lm (chap.13): I laughed at how simple that one was. Thanks for commenting! :D**

**-Emo Chibi Kitty (chap.13): Woah, woah. Breathe please. *gives you an inhaler* well thanks! **

**Thank god, phew. Now on to the awesomeness that is Haley's Adventure! Review and fav and follow! For the sake of humanity! **

14

So where we left off… oh yeah! The couple in Akatsuki got kidnapped by FemNaru and Tawny the Fat Dei-Dei. And we've got to get them back… just because I need this for my personal YouTube videos and just because they're our business to torture them. So anyone who even thinks about Sasori-no-bravery and Princess Dei getting theirs… is going to hear from me and Justice… and oh god, yeah, she's the one sprinting around D.C. with a pair of red undies on her head.

We took the taxi, and oh boy, not a good move. We were in a rush, and he kept yelling at us to shut up and give him the money needed. We said that it was an emergency, and he drove away. Ass.

We ran instead, like one of those ninjas that run super fast that I'm surprised that they don't trip… but I got tired, and I decided to walk. "Come on, Haley, we have to save Deidara!" Justice complained, pulling on my arm but didn't affect me at all.

"Wait… why just Deidara? Does someone have a crush on Barbie? I didn't know you've gone lesbo, Justice!"

"No! I'm not! He's just really hot! And he's a guy who doesn't like other guys, so I might have a chance!"

I raised my eyebrows. "Really? Dei and Justice? That'll be interesting. You know what? I'll make a bet with you. I bet 20 dollars and the right to brag if Deidara's a girl. And you have to kiss one member of the Akatsuki you don't like. Like… ZETSU…" I knew Zetsu gave Justice the creeps. He also scares the living shit out of me for being all cannibalistic and emo.

"WELL IF YOU'RE WRONG AND DEIDARA'S A BOY, THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO KISS KISAME! AND YOU'LL DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF KAKUZU!"

Oh fuck. Kisame. In front of Kakuzu. He'll be giving me the crazy eyes if he sees that. And with Kisame of all people and fish-kind. Crap.

"Okay, okay, you've got a deal… but no backing out, and we'll find out once we get to the fangirl hideout. There's going to be some evidence." I smiled like the devil, and Justice hesitated, but shook my hand.

"Wait… if this is a cosplay place, then don't we need costumes…?"

I sighed, patting her on the back. "Justice, sometimes a real good plan comes into your head…" I looked and Justice followed my glare into a costume shop. Damn, I'm good.

. . .

"Why do I have to be Guy?"

"Because that was the last costume after I grabbed mine," I retorted, pulling down my Akatsuki coat. No wonder Zetsu complains a lot. These things are uncomfortable.

"But why do YOU of all people have to be Deidara?"

I flipped my blonde ponytail dramatically. "Because I'm actually a blonde, and with these baby blues, I must say that I look a lot like your so called boyfriend. Just remember that he's dating Sasori."

"HE'S NOT GAY!"Justice shouted, and everyone on the block staring at us with the WTF look as a Guy and a Deidara come walking near the White House. If the president sees us… we're screwed. And I don't want to be in jail with all of those other tough looking ladies with crew cuts and swear to kick your ass when the guard isn't there. Oh hell no.

When we got into downtown and near the apartments, the mental lightbulb lit up. And this all was happening at night, so all of the lights were off… except for one, with a million people in it. And two were isolated among the rest… Deidara and Sasori, screaming their little gay lungs off in agony. If Dr. Shmex was here with his hotness, he would look at this torture and collapse on the floor. No Sharon-gan can compete with fangirls mobbing you on the wall.

We snuck in, with the door completely open. Wow, these cosplayers are possibly stupider than Hidan, if that was even possible. Then we got into the crowd… and oh boy. It was like the carnival for freaks. It was all girls, and the one that stood out the most would have to be the Asuma. A girl with, I think… REAL FACIAL HAIR. First Sumo-Dei than the bearded lady was there in full Asuma wear.

On the wall was a drape, not a clean one either. Poor boyfriends. I guess FemNaru was showing for display. We peaked inside when no one was looking.

Then Justice came up to me with wide brown eyes. "My poor Dei! Look!"

Oh my freaking gawd. I whipped up the video camera in an instant. There were the real Princess and Sasori-no-loved, pinned up against the wall with staples, and pink duct tape on their faces, and on that duct tape, Deidara's said: "My lips are art, un.", and Sasori's said: "Chucky". They stood with wide eyes, and exchanged glances or horror. And all of the fangirls were here to see them.

The duo looked at us with tears in their eyes, literally, and then Justice ripped the tape off of Deidara. There's a surprise.

"FUCCCCCKKKK, HM! Stupid girl, why did you do that?" Then Deidara took one look at me and tried to cuddle near Sasori, who was in full disgust. "You! You tackled me and sat your big fat ass on my delicate structure, hm! And it's like looking into the fat mirror!"

Did he just call me-

"OY! YOU DUMBASS TRANSVESTITE! IF YOU'RE CALLING ME SUMO-DEI, I'LL KILL YOU INSTEAD OF LETTING YOU FREE, YOU BLONDE PIECE OF SHIT! That's the last thing you wanna call a girl!"

"Woah, woah, Haley, don't be mean!" Justice said, grabbing me before I could kick him where it could hurt.

Then Deidara looked to Sasori-no-clue. "OH GOD, HALEY? AND JUSTICE- why did you dress as a gay, bowled hair cut ballerina, hm?"

She looked down her legs to see the leg warmers. "Oh god, I have no idea… but we have to get you out of here, and also… I really wanted to say that, Deidara, I really like-"

Guess who was there to interrupt on Justice's little confession. Sumo-Dei (Tawny) and FemNaru, hands on hips. Bitch. The bodyguard Princess look-alike grabbed us by our collars. "What are you trying to do?" she rumbled like a giant. Justice gulped. "I don't like her."

Well no shit, Sherlock. "What are you two doing here? You can't look at the surprise until later!" FemNaru snickered, trying to get her way. "Tawny, take 'em outside. They're not invited."

"Well, I thought Naruto was supposed to be the good guy! You're just the big fucking meanie!" Justice retorted, wiggling out of there like my worm.

"And what the heck are you supposed to be? A gay bowl-cut haired ballerina?"

Deidara laughed. "Told you!" Then his mouth got taped on again by FemNaru, looking happy for herself. "Oh, I wouldn't worry about you, cutie. You and the love of my life, over there," she glanced at Sasori, who panicked. "Kick them out, Tawny." As we moved to the door, closing the curtain, the last glimpse I saw of all of them were the stain on Sasori-no-balls' pants.

"NOOOO! Not Dei-Dei!"

"Shut up, Guy. Gosh, I don't even like him, "Tawny responded. I spaced out for two seconds, getting that weird feeling that her and Kakuzu came from the same deep-throated family. I tried to loom for an Adam's Apple, but she literally threw us down the three floors of stairs before we landed on the bottom. Okay, we need a plan B before Barbie and Ken meet their dying fangirls.

"Oh Haley, what're we gunna do? They've got Deidara and they've locked the stupid doors, now."

I looked everywhere. The apartment was all closed, and the next door neighbors had a laundry cable next to the fangirl cosplay base. I grinned.

"You ready to do this?" I grinned to Justice, who looked puzzled as usual. Then she knew the idea and grinned as well. "They're gunna be sniffing my ass when we get Deidara back."

"Oh, I get it… Dynamic Action Entry." I quoth upon the famous words of Guy-Sensei.

"Yep… Dynamic Action Entry."

. . .

We got everything set up as planned. Justice was on the rope, ready anytime to go. To tell you all, we had the guts to climb the apartment next door, dodging an old man with a big-ass cane trying to beat it at us from the window. Nice try Grandpa. No one beats out Grandma Badass.

"You ready, Justice? You wanna get back the love of your life?" My camera was ready to record again.

"You betcha' socks off, bia-tch!" Operation 'Get-The-Two-Gay-Ass-Men-Back' will be successful. "3…2…1…zero! Let go, Haley!"

I let go of her belt, and she zoomed to the window about one thousand miles per hour. She really did look like Guy. Then I went, and I was screaming for my life. Then we landed, crashing the window in front of all of the fangirls, the FemNaru bitch, Sumo-Dei, Facial Haired Lady Asuma, Deidara, and Sasori. Everyone stood still as we recovered. Then Justice got up from her glass-stained fanny and gave everyone an official thumbs-up.

"DYNAMIC ENTRY, BIATCH!"

Everything happened so fast. Deidara formed hearts in his eyes, Sasori looked at us in disgust, and all of the fangirls got out their official kunai knives and plastic Zabuza swords. Oh shit.

"GET GUY! HE TRIED TO KILL KISAME! HE'S MY FAV!" one person said, I think it was the one in the Zabuza costume. Oh, KisameXZabuza. Poor Haku's all alone.

"CATCH 'EM ALL!" yelled out FemNaru, whip in hand. Haha… Pokémon Theme Song.

So, readers, we were in big do-do. Crap-ola. Surrounded by a bunch of pissed-off cosplay fangirls. I kept thinking about how much my heart was pumping, my brain pulsing out of my skull… and how much I want to see how many views this gets on YouTube… well… if we survive it all.


	15. That's Not Lemonade!

**Hey, and happy 2011!**

**So… let's start off with the basics, so I can get it out of the way… REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!1!11!**

**Okay, then, another thing… tada! We have another new character, brought to by my good friend OsuwariKawaii! Here is your virtual truckload of virtual cookies, and thank you! :D**

**So if anyone has suggestions, new characters, and maybe other stuff, put in the review and we'll chat, and possibly get it on my story! So don't be shy, peoples!**

**Okay, previous comments:**

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.14): Well, I love that one because of his cute, innocent… dying. XD I just think it's a very good part of the story that he realizes his true self within his death (true words of wisdom) ;) Wow I kept you writing and you didn't start! Thanks for being awesome and hope this one's good!**

**-Emi and Alex (chap.14): In fact, I do remember you Emi, and I actually guessed that you both were Corrupted Justice, and it's totally fine! :D And by the way, Justice is a beast in this chappie, and you'll find out more from her! Okay, then! P.M. me if you do change your name, but anyways… thank youz!**

**-Dragonfire2lm (chap.14): Pokemon is the all time classic. XD You'll never know ^.^**

**-Jestie Uchiha (chap.14): I still can't get over that profile pic, by the way XD and thank you for the review! So many freaking Upper Case Letters it blows meh mind!**

**- OsuwariKawaii (chap.14): Well, too bad. You're awesome. Deal with it. And trust me, it's an honor that you look up to me as your Senpai and an amazing author! As a reward… here's your character, fully ready to go! ^.^**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.14): Bhahaha I added a dramatic moment! XD Thanks for reviewing!**

**Okay so here we go, fellow readers and Akatsuki fangirls! In 3…2…1… Carameldansen! **

**No! No! Juat kidding, there. No Carameldansen, even though I really want to see all of the characters doing it! So hang on to your seats, and get ready for the EPIC TIME OF THE DAY! (Just don't forget to review, or Sumo-Dei's gunna sit on you until you die of intoxication. So enjoy! ^.^ **

* * *

15

Yeah, remember last time, when we were surrounded by a bunch of mad cosplay fangirls, and Dei-Dei (who apparently likes Justice) and Pinocchio were pinned to the wall with their pink rape duct tape on their mouths? Yeah… read on if you dare.

Well, Zabuza (and Kisame's secret closet lover) charged fist into Justice, who gave her the official thumbs up from Gai Sensei, our hero. The sword came crashing down, and she dodged it gracefully. You go, gay ballerina man with a bowl cut! Then Zabuza swiped again, and looked really pissed. Boy, if Kisame were to meet her, I could forget all about that little bet, Kisame would be all hers, well, to do more than kiss… but I'm not getting into that when this actual fight is going on.

I was back there with my little camera and suddenly from behind me was Asuma himself… oops. I mean the bearded lady, an evil grin on her face. While Justice was kicking major ass, I was in deep crap. I tried to retaliate by putting my hands in her face, but she laughed. Gawd. Deidara does nothing; he doesn't even have a cool weapon like that big-ass blade Zabuza's got over there. Just my mouth hands. Nice, Princess. You'll be in big trouble with me once we rescue you from the damsels in distress.

So Asuma grabs me by the collar (and she's apparently the strongest woman, and the bearded lady. Half man, half girl… the thought still makes me wanna crap), and gags me with that rape tape (ha! There's our rhyme for the day, and a new one to use!) , and stuffs me in a potato sack. Well, here we go again. Hailey's always the one that gets kidnapped, or interrogated, or is screwed. Dandy.

I have no idea what the hell is happening right now, and apparently I'm being moved, and someone picks me up. Oh gawd, not Helga Asuma. "Hey!" FemNaru by the sound of it. "You better stop fighting with Kelly, Guy-look-a-like!"

"Oh yeah? And what?" Oh boy, Justice is really into this. She's on a Red Bull rampage.

She brought me out. "Or your friend will be dropped out of the window." I could tell she was smiling evilly. Damn, she and Granny Badass could team to be leaders of Akatsuki. Or the mafia.

"Justice, don't listen to her!" I shouted. Uh huh, I could participate. I ripped the tape off later before, bia-tches. "She's eviler than Kakuzu in crazy eyes!"

"Shut up, you," Helga Asuma responded, kicking my potato sack, knocking me upside the head. Geezus.

"Okay, okay, I'll give, just don't hurt my best friend, or I'll fucking knock you on the side of the head," Justice responded. Then the worst thing happens… she gives up on me. Justice, I thought Guy Sensei's Ninja way was to kick the crap out of people! Oh damn, now we need to be rescued.

So the fangirls applauded in victory, and Asuma-girl stuffs me in the closet, fully wormed, bagged, and raped taped. Awesome. And then Justice joined me after, having done the exact same thing. Okay, we must be the worst villains ever if we're trying to save the Akatsuki couple from fangirl attack. Oh man, I bet the presentation had started without me. I would have been the first one to throw a tomato at Sasori-no-appetite and Princess Peach back there. We gave each other worried glances. What if I never see Kakuzu again? The Akatsuki can't get away with it without me humiliating them! And my partner in crime here was going to make everything for them worse! Damn! Haley angry!

"Damn it, Haley, why did you steal from the New York Bank? I mean seriously, if you wanna date all of the Akatsuki at once, let me at least help!"

Oh meh gawd, an angel came in the closet, trying to set us free… in the form of Shikamaru. This person ripped the tape off of my mouth. "FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK! What the hell is wrong with all of you? It's rape tape, not some manscaping thing… but I admit, thanks for saving our asses… but the why the hell are you here dressed as Deer Boy, Casey?"

She shrugged, ripping off Justice's tape too, and with that followed a great big: "SHIIIIITTTTT! Really?" She undid our worms and by her face, she wanted an explanation. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you all who don't know this person. This is Casey Lynn Carter… my cousin. And you can tell she's my cousin because she likes to kick certain members in their certain uncomfortable parts. She's an Akatsuki fangirl like me and Justice here, except she doesn't cosplay them… just Shika. Somehow I don't get that, but whatever. She's saving our asses right now.

"So, um, what up, cousin? I saw your video on YouTube, and you should have called me in for that role of Granny! I could have stuck it to Old Horny Porny in the first place!"

I blushed. St. Ebenezer wasn't going to like this. "Shut up! We're on a rescue mission!"

"Ohhhhh! Kakuzu and Haley, sittin' in a tree…" she sung it loudly, and Justice was about to flip. The sugar rush is now over, sadly, I had fun recording her beat up Zabuza, the Kisame lover.

"We have to save Deidara! Wait… why are you here?" Justice panicked, sweat coming out in buckets. Oh come on, really, he's not that important to save. I mean, she may want to, but I would have joined the crowd of fangirls and thrown bananas at those two… and record it.

"Well, these girls invited me and were dressed up as Naruto and a really fat-ass Deidara-"

"Sumo-Dei." I concluded, proud of my creativity with names. And it wasn't that hard to figure out, either. Justice had a bone to pick with her. If Deidara was used for later, if the damn Barbie were still alive, then she would get to a chapel and they'd marry, and have gay flabber kids. What would Sasori say to that? Puppet man's going solo.

"Okay, so let's go, then," I concluded, smiling, "I've got my camera, Justice has her… Guy powers? Um, and Casey-"

"I have DEER PISS IN SPRAY GUNS!" She smiled crazy, like Kakuzu. I stared at her. No one goes that far into making a St. Stitches face. She's a professional. Wait-

"How the hell do you have that?"

She lifted up her Shika coat and grinned like Naruto. There were squirt guns in there. Oh god… I hope that's Gatorade or something else, not what she thinks it is…!

Justice jumped in the air. "Yeah! I can get my Dei-Dei back with these things! She took one out of Casey's pocket, and shot one squirt up in the air. Casey's teal eyes widened. "NO, no, no!" If you don't hold your nose-"

The piss went near her when stupid gravity took over, and she fainted while I tried to look away, disgusted, and Casey holding hers in. "Um, and it smells really bad."

I stared at her like Dr. Shmex does to me… in annoyance. "No shit, Sherlock, you just made our key player here faint… which will make all of the other girls faint too so we can rescue the two boyfriends! Yayz!"

Casey rubbed the back of her head, blushing. "Well thanks, Senpai." By the way she calls me that all of the time, which makes me feel like Princess Dei with that respect. "Let's go kick some ass, right?"

I grabbed a piss gun from her. "Hellz Yeah! Wait… where did you get all this deer piss?"

"That's something you should not know, now move out, soldier!" She pushed me out of the door, and there everyone was, standing right there, with plastic swords and little paper kunai out. "Seriously?" I laughed like Kisame, "Who made **those** for you, Konan?"

They were pissed. I mean, like Purple Buggars pissed. Like all of the Akatsuki, Grandma Badass, Sumo-Dei, and Helga Asuma were all in one gang. Oops. Dei-Dei Princess was looking at me in relief, and Sasori was also pissed for some reason. Hold on to your wooden balls, buddy. Here comes the real shit.

"You assholes don't kidnap the kidnapped! We kill you, right Casey?"

"Um, yeah, that's it. Listen, I'm just here to have some free food… and HAVE SOME LEMONADE!" She squirted some out, like pistols, and some girls were seriously confused.

"PISS OFF!" I screamed to the top of my lungs. Oh yeah, I went there. My boyfriend Scrooge and Immortal Idiot would be proud of me, raising their little baby girl into a ferocious killer squirting deer pee at everyone. The terminator came out of my Akatsuki cloak (my gun that Casey gave me) and it exploded everywhere over everyone. "Adios, muchachos!" People went down left and right, and Casey started going one by one. FemNaru wasn't happy, to say the least.

"Tawny, sick 'em!"

Oh god. Not Sumo-Dei. She'll eat my limbs for dinner, like Zetsu would if he wouldn't be on a leash all of the time. So she storms out of the cloud of deer piss, and she tried to grab my neck when Casey squirts her once. "Bad dog! Bad dog!"

Easily blinded, Sumo Woman backs away with her eyes as red as Kakuzu's. Ouch, that kinda sucks. She screamed like a mad person, and FemNaru couldn't stand it. "AT LEAST GET DEIDARA AND SASORI OUT OF THERE! WE NEED THEM!"

"Duh, okay!" Tawny replied, going to the wall. Oh man, there goes our plan.

As soon as she reached out and slung Deidara, who was still in a pathetic state, someone stepped out, fists coming out. "Don't. Touch. My. DEIDARA!"

Apparently Sumo-Dei was afraid of Guy Sensei or something, because Justice was out for blood. She leaped on her and instead of hitting her, she used Princess as a shield, so he got kicked in the wrong place and not Tawny. I think his girly opera screams broke every window.

Justice tried again, except she tried to do the Morning Peacock move, and a direct hit was taken, and Deidara, though all that pain below, had hearts in his eyes. There. Love is a battlefield. FemNaru had no chance. "Come on, Tawny! We need to go! We're no match!"

You've got that right, Sis Naruto. Take your kyuubi ass outside and out of here.

They left, and Tawny ran out of there like a chocolate bar was being waved towards the door. FemNaru screamed out: "We'll get them back! You'll see! Sasori and the Akatsuki will all be mine!"

I yelled back in my Dei-Dei voice, which is way more Soprano than mine. "Fuck you, bitch! You can't beat us! We are the… Group of Deidara, Shikamaru, and Might GUY! You have no chance!"

The door closed, and we all screamed in victory and high-fived each other, and hugs were involved also. Meanwhile, Dei was lying there, unable to recover from that "attack". He stood there, lips out.

"Woah, I think I made him go through puberty! Sorry, honey!" Justice apologized, blushing. Then she undid his staples and rape tape. She ripped it off in a flash. She's acting like Guy too much it practically scares me. "OHHH MOTHER MERCY- HMMM! Why did you-"

She leaned in, and the glorious moment commenced. They kissed passionately, and it was touching, yet… ew. Soon he'll start using his hands for her to kiss on. But I felt good for her, you know, her boyfriend-

"Oh my gawd, our bet!" I squealed.

"Yep," Justice grinned, smug as ever, "And I have proof, too. I kicked him… in the NUTS. He has nuts, Haley… which means… I DON'T HAVE TO KISS ZETSU!"

I sighed in humiliation. "And damn… I have fish boy to look forward to."

Casey's eyes lit up. "What? Senpai, you little weasel! Kisame's the hottest member, and he is so sexy with those abs I'm going to faint! Eep! Lucky ass!"

We began walking away from the rundown apartment in shame. "Okay, first of all, the only weasel is Dr. Shmex. Second… I have to kiss Kisame Hoshigaki! Kakuzu's gunna be pissed! And third… you like him?"

"Yeah, so? You like Old Horny Porny with the wrinkled face of terrorism!"

"Shut the hell up, Shika-deer-piss-Nara!"

So we went outside, and left, walking a long way with me and Casey clearly having cousin bonding time, Deidara, the known male, holding hands with Justice and both of them sweet talking each other. We got to our destination point in no time, the White House.

"Hm, the Leader told us that this was our destination place, hm."

"Deidara-kun, you're soooo freaking smart I might again from your good looks!"

"Hey, Haley… do you think we forgot something? Like another one of my squirt guns?"

"Nah, I don't think so, I think we have everything here." I grinned like Naruto when he gets treated to ramen. Today was painful, but I have a feeling it will end nicely.

. . .

(Not Haley's Point of View):

In the apartment's wall was a person who was living through ultimate hell right now.

Sasori was giving up screaming through the duct tape in despair. "Help! Help anyone? Help- oh screw it," he muffled.

He knew he'd be there for a really long time.


	16. CloaksToGo!

**Hello, this isn't miragechick2. This is Uchiha Itachi, and beside me is Hoshigaki Kisame, and we have officially taken over this fanfic. **

**Nah! I fooled you! But even if they were here, they would probably fail at writing a fanfic about making fun of themselves. And I'd probably be tied up in a broom closet somewhere 0_0 **

**So… hey for realz! I appreciate all of my fans out there! You guys are amazing! Like these ones:**

**-Akatsuki's a bang (chap.15): Well, Sasori's one of my favorite characters, and they just forgot! He was stapled to the wall with rape tape on his mouth! :3 but don't worry, he's coming to get revenge…**

**-OsuwariKawaii (chap.15): I got that nickname from a friend who loves Kakuzu! And trust, me Haley, drink that and you'll die. For realz. :P **

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.15): I think… you like Hidan? Bhaha yeah, I know, and to tell you, my awesome reviewer, I'm giving you Hidan for free… and at no cost :D**

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.15):Don't mess with the deer mess :P and Osu was great at giving me some ideas, and I love her! :D Forgetting Sasori was one of the thing I wanted to do the most! But don't take it hard, he's one of my favorite members :3 thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**-Jestie Uchiha (chap.15): I was wondering when someone would laugh at that! *gives cyber cookie for good comment and awesome wall picture* thankssss!**

**So there it is, all you peoples out there. Read, review, fav, alert, follow, do whatever. Whenever I get emails about my fanfics getting praised I jump up and down for twenty minutes, listening to my iPod :D so please, I love you readers out there, just do me the favor of responding to what you think! **

**So here you go, I'll end the author's note with a bang, hm! :3 \/_^**

* * *

16

Okay, what the heck. They locked the door on us. Yes, us. The awesome group of sexy Akatsuki members and their hostages. Well, except for Casey, but she's just in for the party. Oh boy, wait till I get my hands on them… or maybe Justice, aka: Guy Sensei over there can.

"This should be it, hm, that's what Leader said," the official navigator, Blondie Barbie over there said with reassurance from his date, my best friend, Might Guy. I knew someday that Kisame and Guy would break up from differences, but really, to Deidara? Hm, I guess he needed a little more youth.

"REALLY GUYS?" I shouted from the ground, yelling my ass off, "THE WHITE HOUSE?"

Then came crashing down the presidential furniture through the window. Hello, Police, ANBU, Po-po… anyone? Okay, that's not right, there. Then came an anonymous, "FUUUUCKKKKK YEAH!" from a known person in that room. Hidan, if the president isn't killed right now, he's gunna kill you via… pretty much anything he wants. He's the freaking president of the United States, if you didn't know.

"OY! WE GOT COMPANY! THE BITCH IS BACK!"

Kakuzu's head popped out of the window, and a rush of happiness washed over. Damn… I hate this emotion called love. "Who do mean, you idiot, Haley or Deidara… oh my goodness, he's holding hands… with a girl! OH DEAR GAWD HE'S A MAN! Hey, everyone, I called in all bets against Deidara being a girl! Kiss my ass, Kisame, I've got all of yours!" I saw dollar signs where his St. Stitches eyes would be. Good Ole' Horny Porny.

"Damn, you, Kakuzu! You've already robbed the whole bank!" Kisame replied from the center of the room indoors, while Casey's eyes were mini-hearts. If only the world wasn't cruel as it made it.

"I'm not a girl, hm!" Deidara cried, I think literal tears coming out. Justice was comforting him. This action… just came from the Bruce Lee of Naruto? That's it. I'm going insane like Zetsu, and then I'm going to split my personality in half and argue with myself. Won't that be interesting.

"JUST UNLOCK THE DAMN DOOR ALREADY!"

"Okay, okay, _**I will, little girl, unless I change my mind about not eating you." **_And there was the king of cannibalism himself, holding the door wide open.

Now, I must tell you all, Casey had a fear of Zetsu, and starts panicking. Then she starts mumbling to herself: "It's just a piece of broccoli… heh heh…" as we made our way to the main hallway.

And there in the main hallway was the Akatsuki themselves, and as soon as they saw three girls, and saw Deidara holding hands with one of the girls, all hell broke loose.

"OH DEAR LORD!"

"Someone get the fire extinguisher!"

"Three of them? I'm going to die in here!"

I was on the verge of going Juugo on these guys. "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

All was silent, except for Hidan who called me a crazy psycho bitch. Again. "Okay, so that worked out well, and before you all start to get out your weapons, eyes, and maybe a fork, Zetsu, I'm warning you the most, we just saved your two comrades, Deidara and Sasori here."

"All right," Magneto questioned, "Now where's Sasori?"

My mind blanked out for a bit. Then… OH SHIT! PINCHHIO'S GUNNA KILL US!

So I put my extremely awesome poker face on for the guys. "He's gunna catch up… it was just the average day-to-day mauling by fangirls type of thing."

I thought I heard Dr. Shmex mumble: "Oh my god, not that again," but I wasn't sure.

Purple Buggars narrowed his purple buggars. "Then who are these girls? Other hostages?"

"Well, sort of. Let them introduce themselves." I backed off and Justice went out on the stage with Deidara, whose self-complexion mattered more than anything else. "HI THERE! So… I'm Justice, and this is Deidara, my extremely hawt boyfriend!"

I heard laughter, and Barbie was close to doing C4 on himself. I can't wait for the day that actually happens. Leader stopped her before anything else. "We know Deidara, girl dressed as a gay ballerina with a bowl cut… we want to know your purpose."

"Oh… well, first off, I'm not a gay ballerina, I'm Justice! I'm just dressed up as Guy Sensei, the green beast of youth!"

Kisame's blue skin turned even bluer, if that was humanly possible. "Oh sweet Geezus. Not him… anyone but him… SOMEONE GET THE ANBU!"

"Well anyways," Justice continued, ignoring Fish on Legs as he went to go re-assure himself, "I'm Haley's best friend, and I like pizza, and Deidara, and America, and Akatsuki!" She smiled, and the entire Akatsuki were blinded by it. Hidan replied with an occasional: "AH, MY FUCKING EYES!"

Justice, proud of herself, stepped back with the trembling Blondie and Casey came up. Oh, this was going to be interesting. "Well, I'm Casey. I dress as FemShikamaru, and especially for you Hidan, I spray deer piss at people. I like my Manochan noodles, so stay away from my ramen, or I'll use the Bruce Lee moves on all of your asses. And… I like kicking you all where it hurts!" She winked at a certain blue skinned member, who was still recovering that Might Guy was still in this room. Then I think he turned purple, with the blush being red, and well mixing in with, well, you've got the point. She stepped back, and I faced forward. "Well, whaddya think, hm?"

"FUCK YEAH! I LIKE THAT BITCH WHO KICKS PEOPLE IN THE TWIG AND BERRIES!" Immortal Idiot responded, fist pumping like it was Jashin's birthday.

"Well, then, I guess more captives are better than anything else," Pain in the Ass sighed, "You're all in, but you're our slaves, and we tolerate no betrayal, and we need trackers for the kyuubi."

"YAHOO!" I celebrated, and all of us came into the group hug. Tobi soon joined in pursuit, glomping everyone. "Hi, I'm Tobi, and Tobi's a good boy!"

Justice's eyes had little itty bitty hearts on them now, and Dei-Dei was getting jealous, oh! "AWWW! I love Tobi! Hey, does anyone know that Tobi's real-"

I covered her mouth while Tobi got up off the ground, giving me the eye of death. Up yours, Madara. "They all aren't supposed to know about you-know-who."

Casey interrupted, eyes wide. "Voldemort's not under Tobi's mask, it's-"

"SHUT UP OR HE'LL KILL ME!" I whispered with a hiss. Oh, I'm getting better at this whole Orochimaru hissing talking thing. "They don't know about Madara, and if any of us end up spilling the beans… then we're all dead. Literally. And when we say you-know-who… no, Casey, it doesn't mean Voldemort's under the Lollypop mask, okay?"

I got a salute from FemGuy and FemShika. "Yeppers!"

"Okay, now we have to change out of these clothes, but we don't have any others."

Oh meh gosh. The official lightbulb went off in a flash. "Hey, Piercings Prick! Do you have any extra Akatsuki cloaks? I need to get out of this awful wig…"

"HEY!" Dei-Dei responded, red all over, "My hair is a work of art, hm!"

"Yeah, yeah… but we really need some clothes, my ass is scratchy," Casey muttered, looking right into Purple Buggar's eyes. Wow, someone's brave.

Leader of the Losers sighed again. Geez, dude, get some sleep or something. "Yes, I have spares. But if you tear them, we'll use out ultimate brand of tortures on all three of you little, irrelevant girls."

He pulled out from under the cloak of wonders three Akatsuki uniforms to-go. In a little plastic bag.

"Wow, you must be magic, Mister Magician," Justice gazed in wonder, "Can you tell how many fingers I'm holding behind my back?"

"Um, your middle finger?"

"EXACTLY! So don't mess with the best!" She showed her wonder finger, and then grabbed her set, and I got mine, then Casey got hers.

"Oh my god, we're actually in Akatsuki!" We all shrieked, a bunch of fangirls jumping up and down.

"YOU… YOU… YOU ALL FORGOT ME…"

Everyone paused to see who crawled into the window. There in the wood was Sasori-no-manhood, with parts of wood missing from his face and chest, carrying one of his arms with the other one. He looked pale, for a puppet, and wet because of all the rain outside. If he was Kakuzu right now, he'd be PISSED.

"Master Sasori!" Dei-Dei yelled, coming in for a friendly hug. Oh, justice has a little competition to deal with.

"I… DON'T WANT TO HUG YOU… I WANT REVENGE!" Oh, we are so screwed.

"But why, Pinocchio?" Casey questioned childishly, "Why did you stay back at the apartment?"

"BECAUSE I HAD NO CHOICE! YOU ALL LEFT ME THERE!"

Leader looked at us, and Kakuzu looked at me in the "piss-off-I-want-my-money" type of way. "Okay, okay! Story time, then!" I tried to run for my life, and then Kakuzu pulled on my Akatsuki collar. "You're not going anywhere, honey." Wow, that was just plain creepy.

Since I was forced to stay, Sasori had a blanket around his body and sat down near the fireplace with all of the Akatsuki, a saddening expression upon his adorable little Pinocchio face. Again, I repeat, Justice had some BIG competition, even though Sasori-no-height is 5 foot 3.

"Well, since these stupid girls-"

"HEY, HM!"

"-And Deidara left me with staples in my arms, pinned up against the wall with tape on my mouth, I had no choice but to get out of that death trap by myself. I saw some nacho cheese on the ground in a bowl with a few mine scurrying around, and I could use my chakra strings. So I decided to grab the bowl with my strings and pour it onto my bonds so that the mice could set me free… well, I wasn't prepared for what happened. The cheese sauce had split all over my face and body, and the rats came up and, with chewing my bonds, had begun to chew off my face as well. In excruciating pain, I escaped, only carrying my dignity. I knew the next meeting place would be at this place, wherever this is, and I walked all the way there, and next thing I know is that a mother saw something wooden and grabbed my arm, separating it from the rest of my body, and it's child used it for a piñata celebration. After I killed them all, I came here after two hours of freezing cold rain and children playing with my body parts."

All was silent, and all everyone started bursting out laughing. "Shut up! This was a serious matter!"

"TOO FUCKING HILARIOUS, MAN!" Hidan shouted, collapsing on the ground.

"I THINK IT'S POSSIBLE THAT I COULD DIE OF LAUGHTER!" Kisame roared, his hands up in the air.

Even Shmex was laughing. The apocalypse is back, everyone.

Once the laughter was over in an hour, and Sasori was done being ashamed, I asked the most obvious question in the country. "Hey guys… where's the president?"

All of the members turned to Leader. "Let's say he's resting."

"OH MEH GAWD YOU KILLED THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, YOU BASTARD!" All three of us yelled, pointing fingers.

"No, no, you all clearly don't understand… it was Itachi's doing."

Itachi's smile turned upside down. "It was to be done."

"Wait, so he's asleep?" Casey popped the question, while my mind was set on glomping this guy.

"Exactly."

. . .

(Meanwhile, in the official Whitehouse Closet)

The president woke up to the laughter of many people. Then he looked down to realize he was tied up in the official broom closet.

"HM HM HM GM HM!" (DAMN YOU, DR. SHMEX!)


	17. All the Single Tobi's Out There!

**We meet again! (smiley face) :D**

**I have to say that I really love your support, guys. Reviews are coming in and thanks to everyone who favorite and followed and reviewed. I really appreciate it! 3**

**As usual, my responses to awesome peoples:**

**-Akatsuki's a bang (chap.16): Yes, I may have to agree with you on that, but this one's a fictional president (I feel like I would get in trouble for adding the real one 0_0). And yes! The Sasori story will be known throughout history as the biggest FAIL eva! **

**-OsuwariKawaii (chap.16): Ph yes, the big ones are here, and ready to shoot at any victim, especially a moving pottymouth Jashinist :P and he will fall on the ground. Probably unconscious from the smell.**

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.16): OH MEH GAWD REALLY? I didn't realize that! I am a disappointment to Deidara himself! T_T And thanks for reviewing, and really, I don't care if you repeat stuff, it's a review! I love 'em and what you, as the reader, have to say about it!**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.16): Sigh… I wish… upon a star… :P but really, it would make my life if this was all real. Thanks for commenting! :D**

**-Jestie Uchiha (Chap.16): You will always get a cookie if you review! :3 and thanks by the way for reading my other story! **

**-narutokurayami (chap.16): Thanksssss sooo much! :3 and I can't wait for another chappie of your story! :D**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.16): This chappie will be even more awesome… but to warn you, awesome reader, I further apologize for the sake of Hidan (you'll understand at the end)**

**-obitoforever (chap.16) I had the exact same story with another fanfic I read, and I couldn't stop either :P and I don't think anyone wants Madara yet, the old fart bag XP (except we haven't seen him under the mask, btu I bet he's kinda attractive… don't judge me for liking old men!) Thanks for reviewing!**

**Okay, so I want to do a disclaimer and say I do not own Akatsuki (even thought it would be a freaking dream come true, and everyone didn't die, but Kabuto would), and the Song Single Ladies, and the White House, or the president of America. None of that is mine, people. XP**

**So enjoy, fav, alert, REVIEW YOUR BUTT OFF, and have fun reading! This one's a doozy! **

* * *

17

"Well then, while we have time, we can do something fun for once!" I commented, when some of the Akatsuki were either arguing (my boy Scrooge and Old Stripper Man), thinking of world domination (Buggar Boy and Mr. Madara), or just trying to add some touch ups to look good (Dr. Shmex and Dei-chan). All of them looked at me like I was insane.

"Try can't the bitch go in the kitchen and make me a fucking sandwich?" Hidan screamed. Geez, sexist much?

"Hey, there, Grey Hair! If you wanna get a woman to help you, Deidara's in the bathroom powdering his nose!" I yelled back. The Immortal Idiot gave me the WTF look, and went back to arguing with my stupid cheap-ass boyfriend. If only we had something fun to do…

Oh meh gawd. I am a genius. "EVERYBODY MEET AT THE OVAL OFFICE NOW!"

Casey and Justice beside me go: "WHAT? Are we throwing a sugar shot party?"

"Um… maybe…? But it's an emergency! Everyone, come on!"

Pein in the You Know What's came over to me with the Buggars on Fly Mode. "I hope it's for good reason. The kyuubi, maybe?" Ugh. Not this crap again.

"Nope! But I want to do something! I'm bored as fuck!" I pouted and gave the Naruto face of annoyance. "By the way, if you disagree, I'll have to tell everyone about the Nagato story…" I smirked as I leaned in, raising my eyebrows multiple times. He had the voice of death when he whispered to me… and the guy didn't brush his teeth. Geez, Magneto needs some new braces or something, because he clearly needs some tips on dental hygiene… maybe from the infamous Dr. Shmex, who's not even a doctor, but really, with those pearly whites, he could be a miracle worker with teeth!

And here's Bad Breath Magneto with the scoop. "You wouldn't…" Yay! It worked! I knew that story would be a threat! "And guess what?" I added with more suspense, "I'll tell everyone about the frog costume Jiraiya made you wear that one day!"

That made him piss again, except it was coming out like a fire hydrant. "Okay, fine, irrelevant little girl, but next time I shall have my way permanently."

"Sure, sure, pissy pants, sure." I skipped away to the Oval office, flipping my hair like Deidara would.

Pein sighed to himself, making sure his undies were clean of any yellow. "Okay, all, we have a meeting at the main lobby."

"Why? Did Haley tell you about the-"

"Konan! Be quiet, already!" Buggars yelled at the only sane one in Akatsuki. Gosh, come to think about it, this was the first time she's spoken. I think this is a record. "Let's go!"

One by one, like little pre-school kids in a line, they all came into the oval office, and I was behind the chair, and Leader stood next to me, and as I spun my chair to face them, all gasped except for Dr. Shmex. What a surprise. "Okay, kiddies, I'm in charge for tonight!" I grinned while everyone had the WTF look on their faces. I gave Justice the thumbs up sign, and she locked the doors while Casey brought in the sugar-based food products. I turned to the Akatsuki again.

"WHO MADE THE BITCH THE FUCKING PRINCESS, HERE?"

Leader looked down, ashamed of himself, and Konan gave him the 'I'm-going-to-go-all-Granny-Badass-on-you' look of death. I bet he's pissed himself again.

"Okay, this game is called truth or dare. As president, I declare that we all play. No pussies, no give ups, just do it."

Okay, so there were a ton of complaints. Not a ton. A thousand tons.

"WE'RE LISTENING TO HER?"

"Oh god, I knew that bringing her here was a bad idea…"

"GO DIE IN A FUCKING HOLE, BITCH!"

Oh, the irony Hidan. "I will call Granny Badass to teach you all a lesson if you don't cooperate." I stated simply, crossing my arms. Kakuzu, my so-called cheap-ass boyfriend, widened his Christmas eyes. "You wouldn't."

"Oh yes, Kuzu-chan," I purred, "I would. And I saw all of you watch that video, and I know that power of the Granny. SO SHUT UP, AND WE'RE PLAYING! You guys are boring without some crazy event happening, so I decided to give you all a fair shot at this game. It's fun!" I stood up in the official presidential spinny chair and spread my arms out, smiling like Naruto would when promised a big freaking bowl of ramen from Iruka. I mean, come on, who doesn't like ramen?

"Whatever, lets entertain the little babies," Kisame snickered.

"Sure, sure, hm, but I want revenge on certain people in this room and they have to do it, hm."

I smiled, along with Casey and Justice, who shrieked with joy. "All righty, then! Let's just get in a circle and I'll spin a bottle. Whoever the bottle lands on goes first."

So they did what I told them. Hehe, it feels good with all this power, kinda like Madara…. Oh god. He's gunna ring my vulnerable neck after this is over. I shook it off like it was nothing, but the old grandpa sitting next to Leader in the circle was P-I-S-S-E-D. His eye glowed with vengeance. Bring it on, Old Man Madara. I bet you won't stand a chance against Naruto when he comes to kick your ass later.

The bottle spun, and it landed on… guess who? Casey. She squealed, and raised her hands up. "I dare Kisame to take off his cloak!"

We all turned to Boston Market to-go, and he was turning purple. He got up, and stripped off his cloak, revealing the nicest abs I've ever seen in my life. Casey went through the roof. I almost passed out of amazingness. I almost heard Deidara go: "That's a work of art, hm."

I almost cracked up. "What was that, girly man?" Oh! We've got ourselves a yaoi paring!

"Nothing! Nothing!" Justice glared at her boyfriend with fire in those light brown eyes. If Dei-Dei cheats, then he's going down… Might Guy style. Kisame, pleased with himself, put his cloak back on and sat down, winking at me. I almost stood back, afraid of what he was thinking.

The bottle went again, and it landed to Hidan. Oh god, the apocalypse is coming. He grinned with his canine teeth. Seriously, him and Pein need to take a trip to the dentist, in Dr. Shmex's office. "I DARE KAKUZU TO BURN HIS MONEY! AND BOW TO JASHIN!"

Guess what..? Crazy eyes are back! "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, old prick! Take the money and burn it, and cry me a fucking river with your tears. Then bow to Jashin, praying to him that he's the best god eva!"

"Hidan- if you think I'm doing that, you'll be deer crap in a few seconds-"

This was getting good. "Sorry, honey, you have to do it. Rules are rules. But maybe afterwards you can get him back if the bottle points to you," I explained, shrugging. St. Stitches will never forgive me after this. He stood up, and all of us watched him get up and go into the 2nd official White House closet, grab a handful of money, and got tissues. "Itachi, just do it, okay? This is too painful."

Dr. Shmex made those little hand-signs of his, and blew away. Kakuzu stood in front, crunching the box of tissues in his hand as tears formed, streaming on his stitchy face. Aw, this is the part where I feel bad. Hidan was in the state of happiness right about now. He's an evil stripper priest, I tell you.

Then once the flames went out, Hidan proudly set up a worshipping center for the old depressed man and never felt better in his entire life. Kakuzu had no choice but to bow down in shame. "Jashin, I pray to you that HIDAN WILL GET KILLED TODAY AND THAT HE IS SENT TO YOUR HELL. A-fucking-men." He sat down next to me, and I had no other choice but to give him a hug. Lesson learned, Kakuzu.

The bottle spun again after Kakuzu revived that dreadful experience with Jashin, who literally crapped on him from wherever he is. The bottle ironically landed to my boyfriend. He grinned evilly from under the mask. Crazy eyes advanced to Level 2 in its stage. "I dare Hidan to throw that Jashin necklace into the garbage disposal and drink deer piss from one of Casey's guns."

"YEAH! HERE COMES THE LEMONADE OF DEATH!" Casey yelled, grinning.

Hidan, aka: Girly eyes, clutched his necklace in insult. "Jashin is my god! That's not fucking-"

"Rules are rules, Hidan," I added, giving him the pity you look. The white haired demon stripper almost went into searing tears, and he didn't even do anything yet. "Damn you, OLD FUCKER!" And got up and went outside to the kitchen. Thanks to the presidential White House Cameras, we were able to see this stuff and laugh about it without Hidan noticing. The screen went up, and Hidan was there, all right, about to throw his prayer necklace away. Sweat trickled down his brow, and pulled back. Kakuzu, who saw this all, got up from my embrace and marched to the door, slamming it on his way out. Oh, man, we have ourselves a fight.

"Hey, Justice? Can you pass me the popcorn? I can't wait to see this stuff!" I called, and immediately, she got me some and we snacked just before Kakuzu arrived in the kitchen with Hidan in a panic. Like a deer in a crossfire of lions, Hidan tried to run, screaming: "ASSHOLE! YOU'RE NOT CATCHING ME! I'M INVINSIBLE!"

Well, it just so turned out that Kakuzu got his way and grabbed the Immortal Idiot's neck with his rape tentacles. He slammed him into the counter, and broke it with that thick skull of his. Then with one of his tentacles, he grabbed Hidan's sacred necklace and let go, swirling into the garbage disposal. Then after that came a scream I don't ever think a human being could make, much less a Deidara scream. Everyone around us laughed their asses off.

"EEEEEPPPP!" Kakuzu decided to punch Hidan in place with his tentacles for about a hilarious ten minutes and dragged him into our room, leaving Hidan bloody and bruised. "Casey-chan, please fill his mouth with your liquid from those guns."

Casey grinned. "Okey Dooky!"

Hidan, with his tired looking face, grunts to Kakuzu. "There's no fucking way-"

Crunch. There go his family jewels. "AHHHHHH!"

"There goes the choo choo train!" Casey sang, and squirted the stuff in his mouth as we were howling our butts off. After he swallowed, Hidan almost looked like he was going to barf, but then fainted and stopped resisting St. Stitches' grip. Kakuzu put him down on his side of the circle and came back successfully onto his. "As they say it, PISS OFF, Hidan."

Casey pouted on her side. "Hey! That's my line, pinhead!"

I smiled, and Kakuzu hugged me as I twirled the bottle. Next up was… Deidara. "Yay, hm!"

Oh god. Wonder what beauty thing he'll come up with.

"I dare Tobi to do the Single Ladies Dance!"

"OHHHHH!" I screamed to Madara, who eyed Deidara to death with the Sharon-gan. "Burn, bia-tch!" I almost wanted to say: "Up yours, Madara FREAKING Uchiha", but I'd be dead. Very soon. Pein in the Ass seemed pleased with himself as Deidara was in seeing his alleged kohai twist his hips and out a ring on it. Tobi stood up, and immediately, removed his cloak, and all of us gave him the WTF look as he revealed a unitard with footsies. Oh no, here comes the show.

Tobi snapped his fingers, and the Single Ladies music started playing. He tapped his foot, and started out dancing.

"_All the Single Ladies! (All the Single Ladies) All the Single Ladies! (All the Single Ladies) All the Single Ladies! (All the Single Ladies) All the Single Ladies! Now put your hands up!_

"_Up in the club, we just woke up, Tobi's doin' Tobi's own lil' thing, decided to dip, and you wanna trip, cause another brother notice Tobi, Tobi's up on Senpai, Senpai up on Tobi, don't pay Senpai any attention, just cried Tobi's tears, for three good years, ya can't be mad at Tobi…_

"'_Cause if you liked it, then you shudda put a ring on it, if you liked it then you shudda put a ring on it, don't be mad when you see that Senpai want it, if you liked it then you shudda put a ring on it! Woah oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh oh oh! Woah oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh oh oh! _

That was undoubtedly the best song I've ever heard.

I clapped and Justice went on with saying: "Encore!" Deidara was in the state of panic, because he knew that Tobi was talking about him in that song. And then, with an unsatisfied Casey, brought out the big guns and got Madara Uchiha right in the eye when he bowed down after the song.

"The hell? I mean… why did you squirt Tobi, Casey-chan?"

"Because you piss me off! Do more!"

"What-"

"DO MORE!" Oh, demon girl is back. Even Justice backed up. And that's a little harsh.

Madara came up to me leotard and all, and whispered these words: "I swear, once I am done humiliating myself in front of my own members, you shall feel the ultimate wrath of Madara Uchiha. I shall get rid of your annoying friends first, and then, oh yes, personally deal with you. You'll be in Tsukoyomi so long that you won't feel a thing after I kill you from strangulation. Terror shall be your death, Haley van Peterson."

"Well ya know what, Wrinkled Balls? When I say the name Madara Uchiha, I'll reveal to everyone who you truly are. Got it, you big bully?"

"I truly detest you more than that Tobirama."

"And I don't give a damn. Now sing some more or that eye of yours will be blinded by the humiliating fact that it was produced by a pack of wild deer. Now get back on stage, and put a zip on it."

He stepped back, almost growling at me, and got up to the threat of Casey's badass water-guns. "Do more."

He snapped and began to act like Tobi again. Oh how I miss the lollypop head.

"_Tobi got gloss on Tobi's lips, a Senpai on Tobi's hips, hold Tobi tighter than Tobi's Dereon jeans,  
acting up, Redbull in Tobi's cup, Tobi couldn't care less what you think,  
Tobi need no permission, did Tobi mention don't pay Senpai any attention,  
Cuz you had your turn, but now you gonna learn, what it really feels like to miss Tobi!  
__  
__"'Cause if you liked it, then you shudda put a ring on it, if you liked it then you shudda put a ring on it, don't be mad when you see that Senpai want it, if you liked it then you shudda put a ring on it! Woah oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh oh oh! Woah oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh oh oh! _

"_Don't treat Tobi to the things of this world, Tobi's not that kind of boy, Senpai's love is what Tobi prefers, what Tobi deserves!  
Is Senpai that makes Tobi, then takes Tobi, and delivers Tobi to a destiny, to infinity and beyond…  
Pull Tobi into your arms, Say Tobi's the one you want,  
If you don't, you'll be alone, and like a ghost, Tobi will be gone…__  
__  
_"_All the Single Ladies! (All the Single Ladies) All the Single Ladies! (All the Single Ladies) All the Single Ladies! (All the Single Ladies) All the Single Ladies! Now put your hands up!_

"'_Cause if you liked it, then you shudda put a ring on it, if you liked it then you shudda put a ring on it, don't be mad when you see that Senpai want it, if you liked it then you shudda put a ring on it! Woah oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh oh oh! Woah oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh oh oh!" _

Cheers were heard from everyone except for Dr. Shmex. No shocker. Even Leader was going insane after all of this, because he knew that Tobi was Madara as well. Me and Buggars high-fived, and as Tobi put on his cloak and sat down, he gave me the stare of death. Bring it on.

"Okay," I smiled, all pumped up, "WHO'S NEXT?"

**

* * *

**

(Late A/N: This is part one of two of the Truth or Dare part, more excitement is to come later! Keep reading and I love reviews!)

**-Ja ne from miragechick2 ^.^**


	18. Damn Shark Abs

**So hello, hola, konichiwa, gutten toff, whatever the hell language you want to add on… so greetings, earthlings! :D**

**So, I wanted to tell you that this is part two out of three of the Truth or Dare section of our story! So hold on kiddies, for the next update, and that will conclude that arc! Also, I would like to accept any ideas for the stories, suggestions, that would be awesome. My brain's turning slowly into mush due to school and snow, so please help a friend! :P**

**Comments, reviews, and all that jazz:**

**-Akatsuki's a bang (chap.17): Yeah! That was my favorite line, even though, "Redbull in Tobi's cup" would have to be the number one. :D Well thank you! *hugs back***

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.17): Screw homework XD and review! Bhaha, wow, I'm not a very good influence. :P Yes, our new yaoi pairing suggestion of Blue Boy and Blondie… Bow Chika Wow Wow! So thank you for reviewing, Erin, I am sure to have more awesome material for you!**

**-OsuwariKawaii (chap.17): HA! I know what the "Ha!" is! I feel so proud! :D And yes, Casey will soon go crazy. Very soon. :D**

**-I'm here even though I'm not (chap.17): Wow. That's a long name, there… but I like it! :D And of all due respect for your rants… I SHALL MAKE SURE THAT HAPPENS! *evil mind off to work***

**-Jestie Uchiha (chap.17): Tobi equals happy bunnies and Single Ladies. Madara… *shivers* evil, evil, evil old man. I would scream in terror as well, don't you worry!**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.17): I have to agree. Poor Hidan. ): but I'm one of those people that like making the cutest characters suffer the most :D so sorry for my cruelness to him… ya know… it's called An Akatsuki Torture Story! Thanks for reviewing!**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.17): There shall be most stares of death in this chappie than any other :D and the Granny of all Bad-asses will be here soon… very soon…**

**-Grimmjow's girl (chap 17): THANKS! I love how this is one of your favorite stories! :D Much appreciated, enthusiastic reader! **

**So, that's it! Please read, fav, REVIEW YOUR ASS OFF, and enjoy! (hopefully!)**

**Oh! And two more boring things to settle:**

**One: Once this story is all done, I shall be planning a SEQUEL leaving off on the ending! (Though the ending of this story will be far off), just wanted to make note!**

**And last: This chappie is probably a bit sadder than others, but don't criticize! It's still just as funny! (And plot thinkening! Muh hah hah!) :D**

**So let's do this thing… and have fun reading! And review! And okay! We're all done with the crappy author's note now! **

* * *

18

The bottle spun and spun, and it stopped on Itachi. Oh god, what is the Prince of Darkness, Emo and Proper Hygiene going to do to some innocent person?

"Okay, let's get this over with… I dare Deidara to read a yaoi only magazine."

"BHAHA!" I commented, pointing a finger at Dei-Dei, who was in hysterics. Justice was pissed. "He doesn't like men, emo baka!"

Deidara… let's just say… exploded. "IS THIS REVENGE, UCHIHA? YOU ONLY CAUSED ME INTERNAL PAIN, HM! FIRST YOU FREAKING HYPNOTIZE ME WITH THOSE EYES OF DEATH, AND NOW… I'M GOING TO READ A PORNO GAY MAGAZINE?"

Oh, Dei-Dei, take a few. "It's in the rules, Princess," I added, pretty much making fun of the guy, "No matter who chooses-"

"Yeah, yeah, hm, but when I die, just tell Tobi not to come to my funeral. Now where is the damned thing, hm?"

Out of nowhere, Kisame grabs a magazine from his pocket and hands it to Deidara suspiciously. I eyed Fish Sticks. "Are you a dolphin?"

"What?"

"Well, I've heard from specific sources that gay sharks are just dolphins."

"Do I freaking look like a dolphin, sweetie pie?" He stood up, Mr. Blue Empire State Building, and I shrunk. "Heh, heh… point taken. But don't call me sweetie pie, or I'll call in Might Guy. Oh, yes, I do have him on speed-dialer." He sat back down, and I swear, he was aiming for that Madara glare, or crazy eyes, but that's not going to happen. No person can do crazy eyes except for my boyfriend. That crosses the line. Zetsu, you may have some shrimp on the barbie for dinner tonight.

So anyways, Deidara took the magazine that Kisame 'suspiciously' had in his cloak pocket, and, with trembling hands and mouths, he opened the first page. "The horror! Oh my god! I didn't know that was possible… or legal, hm!"

I became a little perverted, and excited at that part. "Oh! Lemme see!"

Dr. Shmex caught my collar on my brand new cloak-to-go and tugged, sending me straight across the room. "I suggest you not, Haley-chan. He lacks hatred, and thus, he must suffer." Through Blondie's screams of horror, and though everyone's laughter, I spoke to him. "Well, you're a nice person, Dr. Shmex. Maybe you can kick puppies and rob innocent babies of their lollypops."

He whispered to me. "Then you are comparing me to Madara Uchiha. You know him, correct?"

My eyes widened. "Yeah! Oh my god, you're my hero… maybe we can, I dunno… OVERTHROW HIM?"

Itachi sighed. "Well, there's some news I've wanted to tell you, Haley-chan-"

Please say that he loves me… PLEASE…?

"-To protect my brother, I need to throw Madara off his so called 'Throne' of power. I've wanted him dead for years. Sadly, he has recruits. Pein is serving him, and Konan's in on my plan, and she's trying to get Pein out of the deal. So I have a mission for you… well, if you don't want to be forced to do it from the Sharingan."

"Woah, whoa… I need to straighten things out… you want me to help overthrow Madara?"

"Yes, and your friends can be a part of this as well. But Kisame, he knows about Madara, but doesn't know he's the Leader. I ask of one thing… get him away from Madara."

"AW! You're such a good friend!" I wanted to glomp his ass so badly, and I don't know what urged me not to. "Okay! I'm on with it… but, uh, I want one thing I return, Shmexy."

"Hm?" Typical Emo Uchiha.

"I want a date." I gave away my evil smile. Dr. Shmex sighed. He's so cute when he does that. "Okay, just carry it out. You probably don't have a choice anyways. And speaking of, Deidara is done suffering. I am now brought to satisfaction, I mean, that's worse than Tsukuyomi."

I looked back to Deidara. Poor Blondie. He was shaken from the insanity he had endured, and Justice, well, being herself, decides to stick at his side and hugs him. "It's okay, the men are gone, now." I grabbed the bottle and spun. And… oh no. Sasori. He looked at us with the devil Pinocchio eyes of hatred. "I want to produce a puppet show, with all three girls. I'll be controlling them with my strings, and they will be forced to do whatever I want with them for two minutes, oh, and did I mention this will be videotaped?"

You little bastard.

"That's bullshit!" I started.

Justice brought out some Justice. "Fine, but let me do this in favor." She came up to Sasori-no-kindness, and WHAP! She brought out the Dynamic Middle Finger of Justice. Casey followed us to the stage of the White House (There should be one of those!) and saw Sasori on her distance there, and WHAP! CRACK! There went Sasori-no-manhood. He stood cringing, and tears flowed. "Revenge, oh yes…"

All of us went to the stage, and with all of us groaning, Sasori released his rape strings and had control of our feet and arms. Damn. I hope this isn't painful.

The curtain rose, and all the Akatsuki were there, having a good time. And there was my boyfriend, with my camera. That greedy, psychopath bitch. He will pay. Wait until I get my hands on him.

Sasori was chuckling his little insane puppetry laugh. Grr, I hate his little wooden guts now. He pulls the strings, and Casey accidentally slapped me. "God!"

"Sorry! This isn't my fault! Sasori's being an asshole!" The whole of Akatsuki were laughing their asses off. I hope they die of laugh overdose, those sorry bastards. The beating continued. I punched Casey, Casey wedgie'd Justice, and Justice slapped me. Over and over and over. Life is a bitch, isn't it?

After two minutes of constant beating, Sasori got off the top of the stage and untied our strings. "This is revenge, little girls. Do not mistake the enemy." Bad decision, Puppet boy. On the count of three, we kicked his jewels so hard that they almost came out of the family treasure chest. More tears presumed. "Damn you bitches…"

We all came back after that horrible act of crap and sat down criss-cross applesauce on the floor with the dreaded bottle in the middle. It spun a few times, and pointed to Justice. "YAY… wait, I don't know what to do…"

An explosion of requests was made all at the same time.

"Kick Sasori's little wooden ass!"

"I want another fucking turn, bitch!"

"Itachi needs payback, hm!"

Justice's little epic lightbulb of justice lit up. Brown eyes wide with excitement, she formed the words that I would soon regret. "I want Haley and Kisame to do seven minutes in heaven, and Kakuzu has to watch!"

Everyone's mouths dropped. Mine, Kakuzu's, Casey's… everyone's. Except for Kisame, who looked extremely happy with himself. "Okay, let's do this thing. Come on, Blondie." He tugged on my arm and I followed, trying to resist his grip.

Damn, his grasp was too great. "Kakuzu, I still love you! Don't worry about what happens! And Casey, it will still work out! Trust me!"

After I saw the heartbroken faces of St. Stitches and my cousin, the door to the Official Broom Closet of the United States slammed closed. Shark on Legs, grinned, had me up against the wall, and took off his cloak, trying to real me in. Just keep your eyes away from the abs, Haley, away from them. He spoke with a deep growl in his voice. "So, let's do it while we have the time. You know, I really like you."

"Says the evil shark villain from the Naruto manga," I replied, my face away from his. He paused for a minute. "Did it come out yet?"

"What?"

"The new one. You said that I was probably going to die."

I grabbed my iPhone. Thank Jashin for technology these days. I browed through Mangastream, and I read it briefly, but I saw the ending. My eyes widened. He actually did die… of suicide. And apparently Madara was in charge of this mission. That stupid, spoiled old man. I exited out of the internet, looking down in depression.

Sushi looked confused, an arm across the wall and near me. "What happened?"

I clutched the phone in my hand. One of my favorite Naruto characters died, and here I am to tell him. "…well, um… it's not good." Geezus, I felt really bad telling him, and tears started to form. "Damn it… you… you died."

He stopped. "Really?"

"Yeah. You were cornered after you woke up, and then you broke out of the wooden prison that Yamato set up, then you remembered… about dying. Then you put yourself in the water prison, and made your own sharks eat you." Wow, what a summary.

The Shark Wonder stared at me like I was the freaking Little Mermaid. "No kidding, huh."

It was silent for about a minute, and I heard an: "Aw, come on, you fuckers! Do it and make some baby bastards!" from the outside. Hidan, I swear, shut your asshole of a mouth.

"You know, I never had a girlfriend before," Kisame sputtered out, blushing a little bit, "Except for that time when I dated Haku… but then I realized that he was a boy." Oh no! Zabuza's gunna get pissed about that one!

He looked at me right in the eyes, that demon shark. He smirked, and looked down. "I guess I'm getting turned down again, right?"

Then my heart changed. Ah! Heart attack of love! Dumbass Cupid got me again. I looked at him with sympathy, and I caressed his face when he looked at me again. He leaned against me, his breath hot against my neck, and we connected lips for the first time. Oh my god, what have I gotten myself into?

I heard hoots and hollers outside, so apparently they were clearly watching this from a secret camera somewhere. "AW YEAH, GET IT ON, ASSHOLES!" Again, I'm going to ring that Jashinist elder in the immortal neck.

Ah, screw him. I'm kissing Kisame Hoshigaki in the lips now. I know Casey and Kakuzu's gunna be pissed about this one, but inside, I'm saying: Thank justice for this one, Justice.


	19. Go Captain Planet!

**So hey, peoples! **

**Oh, how I love snowdays, I tell you. It's a freaking break from school, and then you realize that it adds up onto your school schedule during the summer. Then I get really ticked. **

**But anyways, I've had time to work on a few of my fanfics, and this is one of them, and the best one I have! (Thanks for the fake applause, guys)**

**Comments (as always)!**

**ALL CHAPTER 18**

**-Akatsuki's a bang: Yep, that mean bastard… the sexy, Jashinist bastard… hm… well, yes, I feel bad for Kakuzu too, but ya know! I have to pick on the awesome characters! And bhaha… apparently no one likes Madara, I take it. Well, good job, then! Thanks! :D**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas: AWW Meeee too! T_T And he's one of my favorite characters! **

**-OsuwariKawaii: Exactly, my partner in crime… we shall make him suffer… and kick his nuts! XP And thank you for the dango! It tastes delicious! :P**

**- ErinEhmazing: Haha! Yes, it's true! Gay sharks are dolphins! And I got it from TV somewhere, I guess that's where I get a lot of my ideas! :P And I want Sasori to be a jerk-off, so I decided to make him that way! :D I'm glad you like it, and that it cheered up your week!**

**-obitoforver: Well of course! Him and Zabuza! And Kisame didn't find that out until later that Haku was a boy… and was gay! Thanks, and trust me, there will be more Madara torture coming!**

**-Kakashi Forever: Geez! You and Hidan are like bread and butter! :P Aha, for your sake, he is all yours. :D And again, haha, I feel bad for my buddy Kakuzu too… thanks for reviewing! **

**-I'm here even though I'm not: ABSOLUTELY! SHE'S IN ON IT! And with your story, I would love to! Thanks! We can PM about the details, and I'll add my character on! ^_^ And no, reader, thank YOU for your character… she awesome… and youthful!**

**-Grimmjow's girl: Bhaha! XD Why yes he did! Thanks for reviewing!**

**So those are all, and honestly, I wanna get 100 reviews by the 20****th**** chappie, so please! REVIEW PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST READING AND NOT PARTICIPATING! :D**

**And also… everyone hates Madara, apparently? So… go ahead. I hate him too! (burns down straw statue of him and laughs manically)**

**So, all, this is the final truth or dare chappie, so I hope you enjoy! Read, fav, review! ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki (if I did, Hidan would be dug up right away), and Captain Planet. **

**Toodaloo! (^::^)**

19

So… well… it's that time for… RECAP! Rewind the tape!

So now I have two boyfriends, one of them of which I had just kissed passionately in the official broom closet of the United States, and the other one, who's probably going to dry his tears with a few hundred bucks in his hand. And now my cousin's pissed because Shark Boy loves me, and not her, which I didn't plan for. And Freaking Dr. Shmex wanted me on his whole evil plan to overthrow Old Man Madara and his cronies. So… now my life kinda sucks.

We were still kissing in there, and I didn't want Kisame to stop. He was actually really good, admitting it. After a few, we heard the same person I've wanted to kick in the balls for a long time. Here we go.

"OY! FUCKERS! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT IN THERE! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

Did he just say…? Oh, he's dead. We ran out of there like we smelt deer piss. "WE'RE NOT DOING IT!"

The damned Jashinist looked happy as hell, seeing Shark Man and Haley smacking it out in the broom closet for seven minutes. Then there was… well… the rest of everyone, who just gave both of us the WTF look. Then there was Kakuzu to consider. Poor St. Stitches. He looked depressed as hell. It's like watching an old man with a back problem fall down twelve flights of stairs and get laughed at and put on YouTube. Extremely funny… but kinda cruel. I mean, really, he got dissed for the Shark Man. That's kinda sad.

And then Casey. She's in love with the Shark Man. THAT'S REALLY SAD. I mean, I liked him before, but absolutely not as much as her. I bet she's gunna dose my drink with Deer Piss to get rid of my existence. Damn those Shika-Deer for peeing freely!

"So, um, guys, so let's finish our little game here!" I awkwardly stumbled, trying to actually get the fact that Kisame and I were indeed doing seven minutes in heaven. So I spun again, and it went around and around until… bang. It hits me like a stick of dynamite.

"OH GOODIE! MY TURN!" I screamed, and with that, my revenge against someone shall be complete. "Okay, you two," I snickered and pointed to Sasori and Dei-Dei, "Get on some short-cut dresses on, and meet us back here in five. Make sure your hair is pretty too, guys… oops, sorry, I mean… girls!"

All of burst out laughing, and Sasori is pissed in the pants, not Pein pissed, but angry. "WHAT? This is how you treat an artist as myself? By putting me in a dress?"

"Well, Deidara, I completely understand, with the whole Barbie thing going on for himself-"

"HEY, HM! I'M NOT A PLASTIC DOLL!"

"-but as for you, my dear Sausy-poo, I don't like that little act that you made us all do for you, so… here you go!" I smiled, and Justice grinned as well as Casey. "Yeah, bitch! Go change!" we all said in unison as those two sorry saps made it out the door with droopy faces of 'Oh god, why did we sign up for Akatsuki' looks. Oh, we are awesome.

After five minutes, they showed. Fully dressed as playboy bunnies.

Everyone starts cracking up, and people start having heart attacks from laughter. And guess who has video camera at hand? This girl, right here. Dei-Dei's blushing, and Sasori is going to actually piss himself this time, both ways, just to clear things up.

"SHUT UP, HM!"

Justice, who was smiling, trying not to laugh, waved a tissue in the air. "It's okay, honey, you look great!"

"Why is the world so cruel," Sasori started, tightening his fists, "I'd make all of you into puppets!"

I had the best line. "BUT WITH THOSE CLOTHES… YOU LOOK LIKE A REAL… DOLL!"

As soon as we all almost died, Barbie and Ken got their share of humiliation, and got dressed back into their boring old Cloaks-to-go. The bottle spun again, and it landed on whom but… Pain in my buttox!

"Let's see… I desire the finest of things… I want… THE WORLD!" He raised his fists like a five year old had one a game of chutes and ladders. Wrong game, dumbass, I thought you were the Leader of an S-Rank criminal organization. I guess you're just the Leader of Babies R Us.

"Um, that's not how the game goes, Pein-sama," Konan whispered quietly.

The female speaks! "Yes, then how does it go, Konan-chan?" Ew. Don't gross me out, guys. Make out or break out. "Well, I'll go then." Yeah! Step up to the plate, Konan… and kick this guy's pierced ass!

"I dare Pein-sama to watch 4 episodes of Captain Planet."

Oh no. If things get tough, get Captain Planet. For all of you that don't know who Captain Planet is, he's this blue haired, green skinned superhero that saves the planet with useful tips to recycle and plant trees, and uses all five elements to drive away all the bad guys. Well, I love him, but Mr. Pein-sama, Leader of the Pissy Pants… not so much.

"Oh god, oh me, not that man…" Magneto was stuck in his own state of shock, which I not moving at all. "Why do all torture me?"

We all responded, loud and clear: "BECAUSE IT'S FUN!"

He sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll do your stupid, irrelevant dare. When we get back, you're all using your toothbrushes to scrub down Hidan's bloodbath of a room." Konan took him away, and slapped headphones on him so we didn't have to listen in on him. You go, girl! Girl power here, boys!

By the silence in the room, we could tell it started playing. Then the funnys came right on time!

"What-what are you doing? You can't do that to a flower! It needs to be yanked out of the ground… no, no… recycling? What is that crap? Konan, shut it off, I'm the Leader… WHAT IS HE… IS HE HEALING HIMSELF FROM THE LOVE OF THE OTHER CHILDREN? No!"

Torturous screams assumed. After five minutes of that pansy stuff, Konan came out of the room, practically skipping towards us in happiness, like a pony had pooped out rainbows. "Please do not go in there… there's more than a gallon of urine on the floor, and it was practically up to my ankles." She sat down next to Tobi, the joy of sunshine, or Madara the Old Man Crapper, and grinned evilly. Woah, Konan. Lay off the sugar, but you will be qualified to join our group! And now since the members got the hint, they realized not to mess with her.

"Ah yeah, Konan! Floats like a butterfly, but stings like a bee!" I yelled, giving the blue-haired rebel a high-five of victory. "And a thumbs up for youth!" Justice said in her Might Guy deep voice, giving the highest complement of all… a dynamic thumbs up from Mr. Forest Green Spandex.

"Way to go, girl!" Casey cheered from the opposite end of the circle, "Because of your awesome prank, I can collect more piss! But now… well, since Pein's a god and all… it can be Holy Piss!"

"HEY, HEY!" Well, here comes Mr. Jashin is better than your ass. "THE ONLY MOTHER FUCKING GOD HERE IS THE ALMIGHTY JASHIN, BITCH!"

"Well, then, I might as well make you go through puberty twice," Casey retorted with the power of the Shika intelligence, "But I want to wait for the right time. So go die in a hole… oh wait! That's already going to happen!"

Hair Gel Man had it. "THAT'S IT, BIT-"

The door to the piss room opened. And here came Captain Carrot Top, shaking from too much good seen on TV and buggars widened to a point where a fly's eyes couldn't beat how buggy they were. And his pants… probably soiled.

"I swear… ALL OF YOU WILL –_help recycle!_" He closed his mouth from the friendly voice that overcame his insanely deep and evil voice box. Konan and Madara were laughing side to side, and I was about to lose my lunch in holding in my giggles. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE- _by your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!_"

"EARTH!" I started, holding my hands up. "Fire!" I pointed to Dr. Shmex, glaring me down. "Wind!" I went to Scrooge Stitches, also staring me down with the crazy Christmas eyes of death. "Water!" I pointed to Kisame, and he was too busy having a heart attack by laughter, flopping like a fish outa water. "Heart!" I went randomly to Sasori, who still held a grudge about this, so I decided to make it funny. I made the heart sign with my hands, and he backed away from the circle, twitching one eye.

Then all three of us girls went: "GO PLANET! WOOHOO!"

Pein-sama sat on his pissy rear end on in the circle. "Yeah, yeah. Irrelevant little weaklings… I will still have revenge! I will still- _dominate the forces of trash!_ DAMN IT!"

After the leader's little "phase" of torture, we sat again. "Are we done, hm?" Dei-Dei whispered with his soprano voice, singing like an opera star.

"NO! TOBI HASN'T GONE, YET!" Oh great. Can't wait to see what this is about. "TOBI DARES FOR THE THREE PRETTY GIRLS OVER THERE TO TRY TOBI'S COOKING!"

This can only mean one thing… death. Or he'll just get us from Lucky Charms cereal or something. I dunna know what that psychopath is doing right now in his mind. Either he's imagining destroying countries… or the hamster is off the brain wheel.

Justice, still unaware that Tobi was a ball of pure evil, smiled and raised her hand high. "OF COURSE, TOBI-KUNNN! GOSH, YOU ARE SO DARN CUTE!"

Lollypop got up and out the door, and returned in five seconds to us with some ice cream sundaes. "Desert! Here you go! The sweetest treats for the sweetest girls!"

Complete bullshit. I bet he put a missile in there or something. I was going through my ice cream with my spoon, trying to find a little microscopic bomb. "Guys, be careful, whatever you do, don't-"

Justice looked at me with a mouthful of ice cream and syrup. "Try it, Haley and Casey! It's so good!"

Casey glared at the ice cream dish in front of her. "Eh, it's no Manochan, but it's something. Besides, I want something good to revive my soul from a cheater…" she dug in, licking the vanilla.

And you're blaming me? "Casey, I didn't mean to, now stop eating it!"

"Why?" both of them answered, licking the bowls with enjoyment.

"Aw, does Haley need help eating her food?" Tobi asked, leaning down, "Let Tobi help!" He grabbed the spoon. "Here comes the choo choo train!" Yeah! The choo choo train of doom, I tellz ya!

It went like a bullet into my mouth, and the ice cream melted on my tongue before I got the chance. Damn, this is good! I couldn't help myself as I started eating, and I swear from the corner of my eye, the Sharingan was looking at me. Stupid Madara… but you are a good ice cream maker. I would have asked him to stop with plan for taking over the world to open an Ice Cream Shoppe, but my mouth was in the bowl, licking the remainder of ice cream off.

The Akatsuki sat there stiff. I bet they wanted ice cream. Ah, screw them. We aren't S-Rank murderers.

"Guys… I feel… I feel…" Justice fell on the ground, dropping her spoon. She was snoring.

Casey began to droop her eyelids, too. She fell asleep without getting a chance to kick Hidan in the nuts today. And I was beginning to look forward to that, too.

I looked at the two and thought simply… FUCK! I KNEW IT!

Tobi and the rest of the gang looked at me, and they knew it.

I stood up, not affected yet. "YOU AIN'T CATCHING ME, FUCKERS! NOT YET, I TELLZ YA!" Then I bolted out of the room, with Tobi screaming, "Wait! Haley-chan! You didn't finish your ice cream!"

I ran down the presidential halls, and Madara was behind me, and then disappeared. Then when I got the main hall, he appeared right in front of me, looking down at me with evil eyes.

"Sleepy yet? That ice cream contained enough anesthesias to knock you out for a while, at least. This is another warning to you, Haley-chan. Do not mess with the true Leader of Akatsuki."

My eyelids started drooping, and the world spun as I was facing the floor, practically bowing in front of the jackass. Then sleep overcame as I murmured my last words in his arms. "Captain… Planet… please help me… and my pink pony…"


	20. The TOOCOOL!

**WARNING: THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE IS EXPLOSIVE, AND IF YOU DO NOT READ THIS, YOUR HOUSE WILL EXPLODE. AND BE HIT WITH A HURRICANE. THEN A TORNATO. THEN A DOG WILL PISS ON THE REMAINS. THE END OF RECORDED MESSAGE.**

**So hi! The recorded message was just a thing I added to see that you all pay attention! I know that this is a boring note, but who cares! **

**Crowd: Let the story continue, miragechick2!**

**Okay! Okay! (geez, tough crowd… 0_0) Comments!**

**-OsuwariKawaii: Madara will pay… he's one my death list! And no one shall separate the awesomeness of DeiGuyShika! Neva!**

**-ErinEhmazing: Ah! Noes, middle child! (hugs) And man-whore Sasori… that would be awesome! And the artists deserve to be dressed up! They would look soooo cute in dresses! :3 and the heart, I felt like it! :DDD Thanks for being awesome and what not!**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas: Yeah, Old Farty Mardy is no fun at all. Fun-sucker. :P I hope that you, my dear reader, will survive!**

**-KITTY LOVES HIDAN AND KAKUZU: Captain Planet is awesome! I have the theme song stuck in my head now! :D Thanks for reviewing!**

**-I'm here even though I'm not: Hehe! We're all a little crazy sometimes! Stuff slips into my mind, and I write stuff! :3 And talking in the third person… sweet! Thank you, Not here-sama! Praise you and Justice!**

**-obitoforever: Bhaha! I was eating ice cream when I was writing this, so I was like: "hm! Might as well!" :3 and its sad that they're not doing captain planet anymore! ): so thanks for reviewing!**

**-Kakashi Forever: Hidan will protect you! *comes swooping in and uses his body to stop the evil ice cream* bhaha! Love that idea! Thanks for commenting, awesome reader! :D**

**-Sabaku No Ko-chan: CAPTAIN PLAAAANET! Right back at cha! Thanks for reviewing!**

**So there they are! And one thing only, I promise to Jashin! I will be on vacation (finally!) next week, so no update for next Thursday as usual, but please! Stick with reading and reviewing! I love all of you! Peace, bitches! And a very merry February Break! ^/_\^**

20

Oh god, what the hell happened? I feel like a just went through a hangover. Geez, anyone got any aspirin? I'm sixteen, and yet… I know what a hangover feels like. But I ate my ice cream, and the last thing I remember is Madara… BEING AN ASSHOLE AND LEAVING ME TO DIE! Grr, I swear, he will pay…

"HOLY SWEET CORN POPS I'M ALIVE!" I shouted with youth as I opened my eyes. Apparently I was being carried… by no other than Sharky Boy down there. And Dr. Shmex with him. And great! …I'm the freaking human worm. Seriously, I need some worm bait to get this crap off of me.

Kisame laughed, like always, that weirdass Boston Market to go. "Good to see that, blondie!"

"Hey! Don't call me that! Deidara is the only one in the crew who should be called blondie! I mean, he has the best hair for the position! Duh! Now let me go before I'll start performing my ultimate jutsu… I stole it from Pein-smartass… the ALMIGHTY PISS!" The fish squirmed. Apparently he didn't want anything dripping on that OCD cloak of his.

Itachi was on the verge of going insane. Can't wait for that stuff! "Please Haley-chan, if you need to go to the bathroom, use a toilet."

"Screw the toilets! I'll just go on your lovely Wasabi partner here!"

"Okay! Okay!" Fishie was panicking big time, and put me down, untying the worm. Free again to walk the earth, not dig in it! "God, is there a shut off button on this thing somewhere? Or maybe we should get some diapers, since she's acting like a baby." Another attempt and fail at the famous Lollypop glare from Kisame himself. He's too much of a grinner for that. The only way to scare anyone is for him to come up to some little girls and smile with his Jaws smile. And they would run away in extreme terror.

"There, happy? Besides, I know I owe you…" he winked. I widened my eyes. "I'm in disgust, Senor Sushi. Relying on love for one's release of the human worm doesn't cut it." Then I snapped. Where the hell were my buddies?

"Oy! Dr. Shmex! Where are my girls? I miss them, and I need more comedic support!" I whined, stomping my foot. People around me looked at me, and not the walking talking fish man with the great big Popsicle stick and Mr. Big-eyes Wrinkle Bag. How funny.

"Well, Haley-chan, after we had deliberately poisoned you girls…" Kisame cracked up, while I gave him the middle finger. Even the infamous Samehada couldn't beat that. "… we decided to split you up after that nonsense game you had us play, so Justice is with Deidara and Sasori…" Lucky Justice. She gets to be with her boyfriend and his boyfriend. "… and Haley-chan is with Kakuzu and Hidan."

Hm. So I'm with my favorite anime characters in the world. I grinned evilly. The torturous stuff that will ensue upon their souls will eat them alive, like Zetsu with a human body.

"And Haley-chan, since I had promised you, we can go on that… 'date' you wanted to go with us to, before we can go on the kyuubi hunt."

Wait…? What? What did this really attractive Shmexy man say in front of my face? I'm in.

"REALLY? ITA-KUN!"

Then I practically jumped on him, and because this guy, like his freaking emotions, was made of steel, I bounced right off. "Ow! What the hell, ya wrinkled prune? Why ya gotta be so damn hard? At least Kisame is squishy! Like a squid!"

"I am not an underwater animal, Blondie."

"Shut up, Sushi Roast!"

. . .

So by my decision and Kisame's worst fear, we went into Joe's Crab Shack.

Enough said.

So the place was packed, and Itachi seemed to get us a table, and when he got us a table, he used his stupid googly red eyes to force the waiter to get us a reserved place. Life is good when you're an Uchiha, isn't it? Girls all over you, no emotions, a Sharon-gan… Dr. Shmex has got it good. But Kisame… he's screwed in this place.

We all sat down, and I was practically jumping up and down my seat. "Okay! Yay! So what are we having tonight? Stuffed Kisame? Or roasted?"

"Haha, I'm almost dying with laughter," came the response. Itachi, on the other hand, was quiet. The guy reminds me of Hinata, but he doesn't have a creepy stalker obsession with Naruto and doesn't hide his face and blushes. In fact, I don't think he's ever smiled in his life. Except when Sasuke comes. It's always the younger brother.

The waiter came and took our orders, and he was highly considering, with his pencil mustache, to grill up one of his customers. "And what will all of you have?"

I went first, putting up my hand and yelling. "DO YOU HAVE ANY SHARK-FIN SOUP?" I grinned menacingly to Fish Boy across the table. I think if he had Samehada in his hand, he'd end up eating Haley-Soup.

The waiter sighed, writing his little notes. "And you both?"

Dr. Shmex looked blankly at his menu. Literally blankly. The man is blind as my grandma, and she's ancient, and doesn't have a Sharingan at age 92. "I'll have the clam chowder."

"And you, sir?"

This is the part that I was looking for, Kisame's pick. I think he sweat-dropped. "Let's go with the… oh fuck…"

I snickered menacingly. That Shark has no mercy.

"… the lobster, with a beer on the side."

He's going for what? Oh my god, I would pay to see Boston-Market-To-Go on a drunken rampage. The waiter, still thinking he looked professional with that typical pencil mustache, had left with a "Hmph".

"Wow, he was as friendly as Ita-chi-chi! I wonder if he has any tips on how to grow a mustache as thin as that! Not like anyone here can grow a freaking mustache, not even Leader has one! All crime bosses have awesome looking mustaches!"

Both of them gave me a WTF look. I guess haters only hate. "Geez, guys, I'm just saying… we need mustaches if we need to look the part of an evil organization. I mean, seriously, blue isn't the evilest color."

"It is when you're getting choked to death, which will be in a few seconds."

Then my tummy squealed like a human trying to get away from Zetsu, the cannibalistic vacuum. "Guys, I gotta go take a dump!"

"You really had to say it like that?" Wasabi Man questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes!" Then I sprinted across Joe's Crab Shack for a freaking bathroom. And then after a few minutes of bliss, I came back out of the bathroom door when the most beautiful sight came upon thine eyes.

There, in the flesh, was the best person I've ever seen in action, with a few friends at the table near ours, drinking prune juice.

OMG! GRANNY BADASS!

And right when my two favorite members just happened to be at the same place as she was. Now where's my video camera? I decided to pull the old 'innocent child' story again. I got out my puppy-dog eyes, which worked out very well for, me, and messed up my hair a little bit. There we go! I shuffled my way towards Granny.

"Uh, Old Lady?"

The old people turned to me with annoyed look, except for you-know-who, and by that, I don't mean Voldemort. "Hello sweetie! Didn't I just see you at the New York Place?"

"Yeah… but please…" I turned on my version of the Sharingan eyes. Itachi can't touch this action. "I'm being bullied by those two men over there, and they pushed me off the table and threatened to kill my puppy!" I pulled it off again, bitches!

The old lady vet from world war two stiffened, and gave the "Ough!" again, and she got off the table and raised her fist. Again, you go grandma! "We're tired of these hooligans! Good thing I have my backup girls with me!" All Grandmas got up, and stumbled over to our table, which took a decent two minutes to travel from one table to another nearby. I got my camera out; thank god for YouTube, I bet I'm a freaking celebrity right now on there.

"You two hooligans! Have you been messing with this girl?" She pointed her badass came at me, and I smiled and waved, flipping them off as I did the Immortal Idiots. They were going down. Kisame sweat-dropped, and Itachi, being the polite bastard he is, decided to just talk to the tribe of kickass old ladies. Yeah. T.O.K.O.L. More like too cool.

"I'm sorry; Miss, but I have not laid a hand on that girl over there."

Damn. This isn't going as planned. And while I watched, Itachi pulled out his Sharingan on me, forcing me over to sit again. "I really hate you right now."

"You have no choice."

"Yeah!" Kisame cracked up, apparently on too much beer. I checked the empty bottle. Gone. "Those old prunes can go to the retirement home or something-! I mean, geez, they look more ancient than Kakuzu!"

That crossed the bloody line. Fishy is gunna be Sushi with Grandma Badass and the TOOCOOL group.

"I like the polite gentleman, but the talking shark over here…" she wrinkled her bags with intensity in her sightless eyes of hatred, "…needs to be taught a lesson in manners! Come on, girls!"

And here came the best thing I've seen since Kakuzu got his ass kicked. The wasabi was going to be a California roll in a few seconds. Granny Badass first pulled off a kick to the nuts, in which Kisame then presumed to drop to the floor in extreme pain. Then the old ladies had piled on top of him like termites on top of wood, kicking him with force and canes and purses. Me and Itachi watched as Blue Gills was getting his ass kicked. And Samehada was taken away by one of the old ladies, mistaking it as a cane. After a minute, Kisame had tried to get up, but Grandma Badass had sprayed him with the almighty "Peppa-Spray-in-ya-face-no-jutsu!" His smallish eyes then teared up and he went down again. After five minutes of endless kickass, Kisame had stopped moving, and the TOOCOOL group and Granny Badass had felt satisfied.

"Well, that was worth it… me and my girls over here are combat marines from World War Two, and we needed the refresher. So please, dear, call us anytime!" Then they had collected their weapons and left, leaving Samehada and Kisame defeated, unconscious on the ground.

I looked at Itachi, the Dr. Shmex looking at my recorded video. "What? It's funny as hell!"

"Okay, let's go, then," Shmexy sighed, picking up the almost pathetic looking partner of his, seeing a big purple bruise on his eye and numerous scratches on his face.

"Well Damn!" I ended, leaving the restaurant in total bliss… and recorded gold.


	21. Ramen, Dattebayo!

**Well hi there!**

**First off, I'm here, and I wanted to tell everyone that I got over 100 reviews! (jumps around in joy) Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I write for fun, and for my dear, adoring readers! (And for Akatsuki, because they are fun to joke around with) :P**

**Second, usually I would answer comments, but I had over 10 comments, which means I have to send a PM directly to the reviewer, but I'll mention the names of the reviewers because they deserve to be rewards for something! So here ya go!**

**-Akatsuki's A Bang, OsuwariKawaii (my kohai and friend of mine!), Alli ate Sora-sorry Roxas, KITTY LOVES HIDAN AND KAKUZU, obitoforever, narikokurayami, Kakashi Forever (my big Hidan fan!), Mmyself29, Jestie Uchiha, and last but not least, GEMfaerie ( who reviewed at the last second I was able to write the author's note!) :D**

**So here ya go, happy people, and here's the most exciting part of the day… The Torture Story! :D (By the way, OsuwariKawaii helped me out a little with this. She's awesome, so go check her out!)**

**Enjoy, bia-tches! ^_^ (Kisame, peoples!)**

* * *

21

Well then. Let's move on, shall we?

"Heh heh, nice bruise there, Mr. Shiny. Looks shiny, like a silver medal, except you won for being totally pathetic for losing to old women. Shiny, shiny, shiny. It looks bluer than your skin, Avatar. Looks like Chiyo-look-alike just came up and sucker punched you right in the kisser!"

We were at some ramen restaurant, getting something to eat. It wasn't from the dollar menu, as Kakuzu wanted, but what the heck! He's wasn't here! And my conversation continued on with Kisame, who turned out to be actually alive after that! Itachi was ignoring us as always, the big ignorant boob. Then he went off on his own for a few minutes while Jaws and his Fish Stick here was still arguing with me.

"I'll tell you once, Blondie, am I'm not telling you again… this is Samehada! Not a Popsicle!"

"And I'll tell you, Nemo, that it is a Popsicle and you won't share the goodness of that frozen treat with me, damn it!"

"Goddamn, why do I like you…? You're a pain in the freaking neck."

"Well, for your info, I still like Kakuzu!" I grumbled, turning away from Willy Wasabi, "And nothing's gunna change that, babe!"

Dr. Shmex came back, being his very happy self. Note the sarcasm! "Well, I know where the kyuubi is. Finally."

WHAT THE HELL? I was having so much fun! Damn, me and girls won't be needed if they find Naruto, and if we won't be needed… shit's gunna happen… I can't make any more embarrassing Granny Badass videos on YouTube, we won't go anywhere fun, and I still remember that Kisame's called shots on killing me first! That's not happening! Time for Plan A! My inner me was going crazy. Now I know what it feels like to be Pinkie Sakura. Well, without the 'Oh! Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun!' part.

"Heh heh, good work, Itachi. How did you get this information?" Bruce the Shark asked, grinning with his piranha teeth like a child promised an ass-load of candy.

"I found a waiter talking about a blonde haired boy, who had frightened him with a big blue orb in his hand, yelling: "DATTEBAYO!" and I had come up to him and released my Sharingan, questioning him about the kyuubi."

Gosh, you're no fun, Mr. Uchiha. I swear, he'll go blind. I'll laugh, Kisame will end up as his blind-service dog on the leash, and I'll buy him a pair of ugly glasses in which he will have to wear to cover up his blindness. Yay! That'll go out great! "Geez Louise, Dr. Shmex, why do you gotta be so mean to a poor man? It's worse enough that you didn't get beat up by Granny Badass."

"Heh. Looks like we'll find this Blondie Kyuubi as well," his fish of a partner smiled, keeping his jaws from dropping like that, "And guess what, Haley?"

"Hm, asshole?" Oh yeah. I pulled an Itachi phrase on his blue ass.

"You're dead!" He laughed like a maniac, that man-shark. Geez, with that voice he could cough up a hairball, "Leader called me to kill you first!"

"Good news for you, Fishcake, well, if you survive when I bring over my big barbeque stick and grill you up by the campfire. Itachi-kun and I will have a splendid time eating chunks of blue sushi!"

"Why you little-"

Itachi put his hands up to stop us. Oh no, he took the gloves off. This means shit! "Shut up, both of you. If we need to capture the kyuubi, we need to get to him closer. We need to become his allies."

I laughed in bravado like Captain Planet would, putting my chest up. "Well hardy har har, Dr. of all Shmex and Emo-ness. One thing though… WE'RE IN THE FREAKING AKATSUKI!"

They gave each other the look where I'm the problem and need a solution to stop my insanity. Good luck, boys! The Almighty Haley shall reign as insane! (That'll be my new trademark for sure.) "Yes, we are aware, Haley-chan," Shmex commented, almost doing the dramatic Sharingan eye-roll, "But we shall be disguised as Naruto Uzumaki's companions. Now… who are they? Tell me or I shall inflict upon you a terror so evil that all chaos will not even compare." I felt small. Geez, man, take some happy pills already.

"Um… Yamato and Kakashi and Sakura and Sai…?" Gosh darn it! I need to keep my trap shut until I really need it, well, to make fun of other Akatsuki. Itachi thinks he's all that, I mean, he's staring at me like I'm Sas-GAY Uchiha, meaning to need to change my life, thanks to Orochimaru, the pedo-snake man with the tongue that could be used as a slip-and-slide.

He rose again. "Good girl, I didn't even need to use the Sharingan. Now, we need to transform our physical features into them."

"BRAINBLAST!" I yelled with intensity. It didn't come out like it should. Damn, if I only had the Jimmy Neutron hair for it. "Okay, why don't we go to the cosplay store downtown of Orlando? It's only a few away! Come on, Uchiha-kun, Hoshigaki-kuuun, please?" I made my eyes like that puppy dog… and they turned to walk away. I sighed in defeat. Damn these assholes are hard to crack. "You failures are no fun! Gosh, what are ya gunna use now, some transformation jutsu-"

They made the hand-signs, and just like that, Yamato My Homeboy was there in the flesh, replacing Fishstick in a Box, and Scarecrow was there instead of Dr. Shmex. Aw, I'll miss the ole' doc.

"Fine, then! Gosh, I was gunna take you both to the hair salon to get the perfect Guy Sensei haircut with a graceful green jumpsuit free of charge!" I pouted, twisting my head the other way, lip out. Ha. Now I know how Deidara acts.

Kisame, aka: Yamato My Homeboy, fingers me over to him. "Get over here, Blondie. We need to change you, too. You're not getting away." He's even got the demon black, soulless eyes for himself too. Damn the day that Yamato was able to get his own evil eyes of death. Anyways, Fishy/Tree Man grabbed me by the arm and tugged and with some hand-signs made by the Masked Perv, I was now Pinkie Girl Scout, the one and only, Sakura Haruno. Oh crap.

"Damn it, you pricks!"

"Come on, let's at least take our ramen to go, here," Kisame muttered in the serious voice. Wow. That improved.

"Whoa, whoa, take these, guys!" I implied, handing them two packets of spicy seasonings. They looked at it questionably, then just out in on their ramen and dragged me along with them.

Heh heh. Good thing those seasonings are actually laxatives. I grinned as Fishy/Home Boy grabbed my arm and continued to drag me to wherever the blonde spaz was.

. . .

"There he is… standing next to that old man over there."

I laughed scornfully behind the corner of some brick wall. Again, I will have to comply with a comparison of the Michael Jackson of Naruto himself. "Geezus, lawd, I feel like a pedophile creeping on innocent blonde headed goofball kids."

Kisame paused with the Yamato My Homeboy voice. "Hm, that description sounds familiar…"

No Shit Sherlock; lost your pipe and plaid cape at home, I suppose. "Come," Kakashi/Itachi mumbles, and I overheard Naruto's conversation.

"Hey old man, got ramen here, believe it?"

"No."

"Hey grandpa, ya got any ramen coupons, believe it?"

"Screw off, kid."

"OLD MAN! DO YOU HAVE ANY MONEY FOR RAMEN?"

"Fuck you, kid! I don't have any ramen!" Then he turned away and hobbled off on his cane. Aw, poor spaz. All he wanted was some ramen. I would give them Itachi's or Kisame's… but they ate it already. Evil laugher had commenced.

Itachi gave us the all friendly 'obey-me-or-die' Kakashi look while giving the commands. Beautiful. "Okay, when I give the signal- oh god." His stomach had erupted, roaring like Juugo when on one of his many rampages around town terrorizing little kids. Then Kisame's went off like a ticking bomb. "OH SHIT! I GOTTA GO!" They ran for the hills, hiding their packages. Wow. Ya don't see two deranged S-Rank criminals running off because of laxatives to go to the loo.

Now was my chance. I came over to the blondie in a hurry. "Naruto! Hey!"

He saw me with those beautiful baby blues of his and smiled in recognition. Hearts formed. "SAKURA-CHAN!" He literally tackled me to the ground. If I had my spray bottle, I would be using it. He finally got off of me, and I grabbed his shoulders. "Listen to me, listen to me now. Itachi Uchiha and Kisame Hoshigaki are after you."

"Ha! Those two? I could beat the up all day, Dattebayo!"

Again with the 'believe it!' stuff? And they could kick your ass, Blondie. Don't test against the best. "No, no! I'm not really Sakura… and Yamato and Kakashi are Itachi and Kisame! You have got to get out of here now!"

He blinked behind me. I turned around, seeing Homeboy and Scarecrow descending out of the public bathroom. And once they saw me with him, they got pissed. Mega-pissed. "Oh shit! Go, Naruto! Go before-"

I had just realized that Dr. Shmex released his Sharingan as Kakashi. As my mind faded, Naruto saw me fall and attacked full kyuubi. Damn… I thought those laxatives worked for ten minutes of non-stop poop… poop… poop…


	22. Weasel Stomping Day!

**Well guttentoff, people!**

**I know, I know, it's a day late, bleh. Fridays are good too! **

**So I'm loving the fact that people are appreciating this fanfic and commenting! I love you guys! :3 (here are some cyber cookies for all of youz!)**

**So, back to where I was… COMMENTS!**

**-Akatsuki's a Bang (chap.21): Run, Naruto, run! (should have been a forest gump reference) :P but bhaha, thanks for your big incredible enthusiasm! **

**-OsuwariKawaii (chap.21): You should get some publicity, you were there when I had little brain juice to function :P And the crap faces… looks like a combination of someone eating a lemon whole and might guy constipated XD so glad you're here, companion in crime!**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.21): Oh good lord, someone put laxatives in your teacher's coffee? That's AWESOME! And if I was Haley, I would try to get the two sides together, but I have time to glomp every single Akatsuki member :3 but that's just me!**

**-GEMfaerie (in general for the time of the updates): First, THANKS FOR COMMENTS! Second, I'm very happy at a person who just types it all out in hidan language :P Third, I appreciate the funny breaks that are given! :D**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.21): Bhaha, you can't go wrong with the situation occurring. Naruto is too damn cute to be captured, so might as well let the cute thing go! :3 Thanks!**

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.21): My god. YOU ARE LOVED MIDDLE CHILD! (I forgot to include you, when I clearly read your name in the comments! Sorry T_T) And there is always an epic win out of an epic fail. That's how Naruto works XD Thanks for being there, and telling me that! Middle sis is not to be ignored!**

**-Jestie Uchiha (chap.21): BIG LETTERS AS ALWAYS, JESTIE! I LOVE YOU AND YOUR PROFILE PICTURE! Badassness right there!**

**So, yep, all the comments, and please review. For Hidan's sake. I mean, come on, the guy is still in that hole, and all the deer are probably crapping on his grave. And he's probably still alive. But never mind that, just do it so that I can get him out of that damn hole! :3**

**Well, that concludes our stupid little author's note. Oh, and go check out some of my friend OsuwariKawaii's stories, they feature me as her friend in a lot of them, so GO before I send Zetsu. And you know what happens when that happens… **

**Okay! I'm done talking! (Phew!) Let's go at it, and enjoy, biatches! (0/.^) (Zetsu… well, I tried anyway…) **

* * *

21

Poop… poop… POOP! Aw shit, I was K-O'ed. Now I remember. I was Pinkie, and then Naruto was there, and then Yamato my Homeboy and the Masked Muchacho had in it in for me about saving Naruto's Kyuubi ass. Great way to start off your day, isn't it?

I opened my eyes. Damn that Uchiha, for knocking me out. He thinks he the shmex, but… damn! I forgot he is the shmex! God, I have no other insults about him. Well, at least I can insult Fishy Boy with ease.

I was trapped in a room, and I was… not in a human worm this time! That's a progress this time! I think I evolved from "worm" to "chaired". Awesome improvement, but it needs some work, since I was TIED UP! And held hostage by two insane psycho maniacs who think they're the shit. Damn the weasel and the fish. I call a strike. I'll even event weasel and fishy stomping day. It'll be the best before Easter, but it won't beat out Christmas season. I bet Suigetsu and Sasuke would join in with me and have a GREAT time.

The lights were turned on automatically, and the room was white as a freaking ghost. Great, guys, really? A reenactment of Saw? Oh god, I won't wanna know whose hand is up that puppet. Sasori would be insulted.

Then came in the normal Shmex Man and the Lochness Man, one of them grinning with the sharpest bunch of knives I've seen and one who's emotionally so depressed that I would have to call Dr. Phil for an appointment about Sasuke. I gave them the tongue. It's not as effective as the flip-off-no-jutsu, but it will manage. And by the way, did I mention that Itachi the Wrinkle-weasel looked extremely pissed? Yeah, it must have been the fact that Naruto had prettier eyes than he did. Yeah, that's it.

"Haley-chan, I'm really quite disappointed in your loyalty," he murmured in his deep and shmexy voice. Damn whoever voices him for the series; he's really seductive via talking.

I did an effective raspberry following the tongue. "Screw you, Weasel. You own nothing on me."

"Except for the fact that we had knocked you out, brought you here, and tied you-"

"Okay, enough, Seafood," I retorted, interrupting the deep grumble in that guy's voice. Gosh, again, there might be another hairball coming out of that throat. "Since when do you knock people out via eyesight? Yeah, that's right. He did it. And he can do it again."

Itachi gave part of a smile, chuckling lightly. "Yes, I can, but this time, I'm not sure your consciousness will ever wake up to see us."

I raised an eyebrow. I'm good at doing that, by the way. "What 'chu talking bout, Weasel?" I gave a kissy face, and he groaned. Wow. I guess I really suck at impressions. Kisame gave something of a laugh; at least the talking sushi has a sense of humor, unlike the solid brick over there.

"We have agreed to use hypnosis against you to prevent you from letting the kyuubi get away, and to lead us directly to him. Your distractions have grown too much, and I will end it immediately."

Oh shit. They were still talking about the first plan that Kisame had suggested. But I'm badass, I'll survive, right? Oh lord, I'm ready for this. Come on, Sharingan, I'll kick your blind ass!

"Oh. Well." I stammered, looking to the side. "Then… I'll RUN FOR MY FREAKING LIFE, THEN! SEE YA, SUCKERS!" I fell off my chair, and with the damn thing still being stuck to my ass, I decided to worm it with the big weight of the chair on me. Then Kisame, ignoring my screaming for the merciful lord, had picked up the handle of the chair, dropped me off in the right position, and with that, I closed my eyes.

"You ain't getting the better of me, bia-tches! I'm Haley the Invincible, Haley the Conquering! Haley, the, uh… BADASS!" Then when I least expected it, someone punched me in the stomach. Really, Kisame? Really? You had to go for the gut. I swear, once I get back to Kakuzu, he'll kick your insanely buff blue ass. And me and Suigetsu will be there to celebrate. I bet we'd be best friends by then. And sadly, with that disrespectful punch, my eyes widened to see Itachi's. Shit.

"Sleep. Fall." He implied simply. I started seeing red and black swirly… aw, crap. Someone, SOS! Save Our Slave! I slumped, and the last words I heard were mine, murmuring: "Yes, Master Weasel." Yes! At least I ended with a bang, un. Gosh, that damn Deidara… Deidara… Deidara…

. . .

It came on and off about a million times. Like a seizure inside my head, and I advise the readers: if you have troubles with seizures, please don't read. Haha, I wonder what it would be like if Pein in the Pants got a seizure. Hardy har har. But never mind my ADHD, just read the damn story.

So I was trapped in my own mind, pretty much. Like inception. Except a lot more dizzier and it involves hotter guys who are S-Rank criminals. So I got up and walked around the place for a sec. Right in front of me was my brain. Aw shit. I floated up there without a care, and guess who was there? Cat in the Hat? (Too many rhymes.) Nope, just Itachi Uchiha mentally, placing one of his hands on my brain. Controlling it. Stupid weasel. I guess why he's called a weasel.

He saw me, the red eyed beauty queen. "So it looks as though the hypnosis is being resisted. I thought it might completely rid of your consciousness. You're resisting outside your body physically. We're both noticing it."

"Yep, looks like your plan isn't working so well," I informed, hands on hips. You go, girl. "What are ya gunna do about it, Dr. Shmex?"

"Well, I could kill you off mentally, but then you won't help me with my plan against Madara, but I like you being obedient right now. It lets me off my headache."

He made a clone of himself, with one weasel still keeping the sign on my brain and one coming up to me with a kunai. Damn, I wish I could get out of this, I wish his kunai went away. I waited as death tried to get me. Dude, I wish my girls were here to save the day!

Suddenly, Dr. Shmex, two feet in front of me, was sucker punched right in the ding-dong. I looked to me, and standing right there were my two amigos, one with water guns and one harnessing all the power of Might Guy, the best man who ever lived. "Oh my god! How are you guys in here?"

Justice winked at me and giggled. "We're a figment of your imagination, silly! You wanted us here, your little brain got Itachi to get Casey'd. It's simple!"

"Now let's kick him again!" my cousin implored, handing me one of her spray guns, "LET'S TELL HIM TO PISS OFF!" They both went rabidly over the knocked-down Itachi, who, by the way, was making the most epic "I just got kicked in the sack" ever. They literally jumped on him, and a cat fight went on. I turned my head to Itachi over at my big-ass brain, I might add, and smiled deviously, running over there.

"So you figured out how to resist gen-jutsu. Very good, Haley-chan. Maybe I was wrong about you… maybe you're stronger than I thought. I'll make a promise. When we overthrow Madara, I promise not to do away with you. You have yourself an ally." He smiled. I widened my eyes for going with the hearts replacing them, but I knew better. "I agree, Dr. Shmex, but to get outa here, and to amuse myself, I have to get you out of here with my ima-gin-ation!" I did the SpongeBob rainbow, by the way, peoples, just to make you happy. Itachi just stared at me, and with that, I had summoned up the worst match for the Uchiha…

"Sonny, if you tried to enslave this little girl, well, you'll be taught a lesson… in pain!"

I grinned wildly as I flipped the Uchiha off. "Told ya. Don't mess with the best, bia-tch." Then Granny Badass had started to run like Rock Lee and pwned him with the one-armed slam into the ground, Dr. Shmex needing to go see the doctor himself. Every spray, every bag whap, and every single slam in the pace was priceless. I even took mental pictures!

"Damn, I'll let you out, Haley-chan…" Itachi murmured, and at that instance, my vision adjusted, and I blinked several times, holding onto my head. "God, where am I?"

I looked around. I was apparently still tied to the chair, with Itachi and Kisame seeing me awake, who both saw me in utter disappointment. Then, to my surprise, Itachi screamed like a little girl. Like Deidara even. And that's scary for Weasel-kun. Nurse Kisame ran to him, almost clutching his waist. Oh, do I smell a yaoi coming on?

"Oh god, Itachi-san, what happened?"

"My eyes, my eyes, that Granny sprayed me too many times in my Mangekyo. The jutsu reflected back at me… and… I'M BLIND!"

Oh shit. I just believe I have been the reason why Itachi is blind. Oh my god! Yes, epic win! This calls for a toast for the mightiest of all, Might Guy! I started to efficiently dance in my seat, swinging my legs in celebration. "Ha, Itchy-ha! My imaginary Granny just pwned your ass!"

Well, that made me feel extremely special. With that in comment, we leave off here, with me still in the situation room and Weasel Man blind as a bat and Nurse Kisame to clean up after his mess. Imagine what's gunna happen now… Itachi's gunna need a seeing eye shark! Kisame, get your blue buff sushi ass over here!

"So, Itachi, I'm sorry I have made you blind… but look at it this way… heh heh…" They both came pissingly at my way, Itachi, well, heading in the wrong direction in order the strangle me. He's gunna need some serious eye doctor help. Well, maybe some brain help, too. But that's not the case. Kisame was going to kill me now, I swear. "… A little too close, SHARKY!"

He clonked my head with his illustrious covered Popsicle (sounds dirty, doesn't it) and knocked the lights outa me. Thanks for avoiding the knock-out rule, Kisame…


	23. In Texas In a Cocoon!

**Hehehehe, so hi everybody! :P**

**So very good news… I got 15 reviews in one update! (dances to Carameldansen, and all of the characters join in) Yeah… that's how my brain automatically works. Don't ask, just go with it.**

**So I'll post the comments he-ah!**

**-KITTY LOVES HIDAN AND KAKUZU: Go Badass! WOOT WOOT! But anyways… thanks so much for reviewing!**

**-Britt3899: Ohz! New responder! Yes, thank ya, thank ya (bows with roses flying everywhere) haha. But I'm really thankful for your review!**

**-Akatsuki's A Bang: It's not Rock Lee… IT'S GUY and BADASS GRANNY! But I can see the mistake :P And for Itachi… it's called a torture story for that reason, and I love the blind Itachi :D**

**-ayama-chan 22 (chap.1): I lol'ed on yours… GOOD POINT! Haha, I guess Haley was too sugar high on her sundae to really consider the situation :P Thanks for the review!**

**-OsuwariKawaii: I luv you too, kohai! And Granny, Haley, and all the Akatsuki love you and Casey! Shout out! ;D**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas: Bhahaha! Wow, you are awesome for dancing and for weirding your dad out! That my friend, is a sign of awesomeness! Guy Sensei gives you the thumbs up!**

**-Erin Ehmazing: Weasel Stomping Day I think is… Weird Al? I don't know, but I saw a video parodying Itachi on YouTube, so I was like: "Why not?" But I did not steal the idea :P And I do not ooze awesome… I eat it. XD Jk, jk…**

**-GEMfaerie: Watch and learn, and see! It is used! :P Thanks for the comment!**

**-KingofHeartless'09 (chap.1): Really? Seeing Haley collapse from eye-dosage is funny? Nah, just kidding! I actually thought it was funny imagining that :P I appreciate the review!**

**(gosh, more left…) (sighs…)**

**-obitoforever: Hardy har har. I love the dialogue for the laugh too :P It's more sarcastic than other laughs… and when you see this chappie… Haley upgrades from the human worm! It's great!**

**-Jestie Uchiha: Hahaha the damn duck-butt… SasGAY. He shall be on the torture list as well… (diabolically thinks…)**

**-Kakashi Forever: Specksavers made me lol. And Viva la Old people? Bet that'll be Badass's catch phrase :P**

**-Simple Shimmers (in general): Hehehe, I love ya, Emi! Can't mess with the best! Justice: "Yes, bia-tch! Bring it on!" We both salute you and your epicness for making that story :P**

**So here ya go… and one more thing! Simple Shimmers, the chick who gave me the genius idea for Justice herself made a story, with me as one of the main characters! :D So please check it out, it's called: "The Akatsuki? We're Screwed!" And so far, it's pretty damn hilarious :P**

**So once again, I'll try not to bore you with anything, just do what the epic people do and read and REVIEW. Helps out a lot! **

**So here! Fine… read… **_**if you dare… **_

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23

So I woke up, tied up on a string hanging on the ceiling with a headache that brought back the grueling, harsh sounds of Chubakka and a police siren. Wow, Samehada, you suck. Why, Fishy-san, why do ya gotta knock me out? Okay. It's official. There shall be a no knock-out rule that I shall enforce. I sound like Pein-in-the-Sack, don't I? I just have to add an: 'I gotta go piss.' dialogue at the end. And there you go, kiddies! You are now Pein, Leader of the Pricks. But never mind my ADHD again. Let's go on to the juicy stuff that people have been waiting for.

So my eyes opened, and I was in this western place, and… oh no. I just realized that this was a cowboy bar in the middle of Texas. I was here during vaca with my parents and Casey, and we both got stranded her by them, and we had a wild time, cowpokes! But never mind that. I was in Texas, geez, I started out in NYC and now I'm here. God, and this is the perfect place to relieve my stress… just pass me one, partner!

"Looks like she's awake, hm. Wanna use her as the piñata?"

I snapped back at the Blonde who made his girly pants through the swingy double doors and Sasori, who had this bad, evil Chucky look in his eyes. "Hey, she-man! That's not nice! Go knock the crap outa Sasori, he looks like he needs some spanks! Granny Chiyo owes him the favor!"

Sasori-no-humor-at-all gave me a glare of 'shut-up-or-I'll-feed-off-your-intestines' and blushed. First off redhead, the eating human stuff is for Zetsu or Choji even; well, if he thinks you're a chuuro or something. Second, blushing? The un-emotional puppet… blushing? Awkward Kodak moment!

"Shut up, girl, or we shall hang you from where you are."

"Oh! Scared of the stick-man! I bet you're made of sap… I'll call ya Sappy from now on!" I swung like a cocoon… Omg. I really did upgrade, but my worm wasn't a worm… it was a caterpillar!

Then as soon as Sappy became quiet, the other Akatsuki came in with their other two captives… Casey with the Zombie Bros and Justice. The DeiShikaGuy group was now formed again! Woot! Party at the bar with Guy and Shikamaru! (You can see that happening, too.)

"HALEY!"

"SENPAI!"

"GIRLS!"

"TOBI!"

Everyone looked confusingly at the Cinnabun. I didn't need to hear you, Madara. Nobody needed to. If I could, I would get Justice to get her boyfriend to seriously kick you in the cinna-nuts as always, but I'm kind of in a sticky situation. I wiggled around a little in my cocoon of ropes. Whoever got me up here is a pro… I bet it was Zetsu. It seems like anything impossible to do is possible for Zetsu the Super Algae. I mean, those 1 million or so clones… really? God, Zetsu, get a hobby. I suggest a gardening class.

Then lastly came in my dos amigos, mis companeros estupidos, and the two apples of my life (har har, not really) Kisame and Itachi. Kisame came in right away, and Itachi, who was blind still and I still take into my success, slammed into the side of the entrance before coming through. Poor Weasel Shmex. Your seeing-eye Fishy left you to fend for yourself. Clearly not the most obedient kind of fish, especially the one that, um, I dunno… knocks you out and tries to make out with you in presidential closets.

"Hm. Dr. Shmex. Dr. Shark. How is work?" I asked when everything was silent, fluttering my eyelashes.

Kisame grinned. "Hey Blondie. Ya still under Itachi's gen?"

"Hahahahaha… no. You can see he's blind, and you're still confused by my awesomeness. So no, I am not under anyone's gen, or whatever you call it. Besides, you left him to die alone! You can't do that to an old man like him! He'll die from a drunken rampaged Sasuke!"

Kisame looked back, and found Itachi lying on the ground outside the bar, and pulled him in through, grabbing Itachi's legs. Poor guy. I thought he only had SasGAY to deal with… and now Willy the Wonder Shark too? His life is just sucking air right now.

So Leader stepped up to the bar table and buggared the crap outa his subordinates, who were probably terrified by his mosquito eyes. "Hello, fellow Akatsuki. We have assembled here for various reasons-"

"Hey!" Casey called from the stands, "Don't cha got to go to the bathroom first?"

"Yeah, Captain Planet!" Justice remarked, pulling off a thumbs-up of epic proportions, "Pissing on the environment is not healthy for the trees, dumbass."

The Akatsuki smirked and chuckled, and Pein-in-the-Ass flushed. Not literally, but it would be funny. "Now anyways, thanks to the work of Itachi and Kisame, we have found the kyuubi, but since a certain girl had defended him and made one of our members blind... we have to start all over."

Everyone's eyes looked at me dangling freely from the rope. "Whoa, whoa there, cowboys and girls, it couldn't have been me… Deidara probably did it."

The eyes traveled to Princess Blondeness. "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, HM!"

"?"

"What, hm?"

I smirked. "Exactly."

Justice smiled with the whitest teeth you could ever see. It could turn you into Dr. Shmex right now if you looked directly at them. "Oh! Let me try that! ?" She turned to Hidan for an answer.

"What the fuck was that?"

"You said the word what! That counts for something!" She jumped up and down, clapping.

I just thought of a bombshell. "?"

Itachi stiffened, looking in the wrong direction of where I was. "No. I shall not fall for that."

Then my day just got better. Tobi jumped up with his confused Madara voice. "What?"

"HA! That was for being an idiot! Thank you very much; I'm available on weekends at birthday parties!"

Pissy-in-the-Pants was done here. "Shut up, all of you, or I shall inflict pain upon you so harshly and cruelly that you will never feel a slight ounce of happiness in your life again." The room fell silent to his Buggar Eyes. Out of the silence came out Casey.

"So… like diarrhea?"

"No! Nothing to do with my urinary problems or disposal problems!" Buggars yelled, but then closed his mouth. He sighed. "Okay, we need to enforce some disciplinary rules to you three brats."

"Bullshit!"

"Aw hell, no!"

"Gosh, someone tell this guy to PISS OFF!"

"Yay! Tobi is a good boy."

Okay, all together in unison, now. "SHUT UP, TOBI! (hm!)"

Pein proceeded in his evil Magneto plans for us. "Now that that's finally over, I want to get all of the members to come with me for a short private meeting. Zetsu will watch over you while we talk about your punishment. Come."

Everyone groaned, and with that, Pein-in-my-jack played follow the leader, with sadly, Itachi bumping into various walls on the way. So it was us… and ZETSU. The freaking cannibal Zetsu.

"So, uh, what's going on?" Justice asked quietly, smiling with the whole glittery teeth thing. Zetsu just stared at us. Welllllll…. okaaaayyy there, Zetsu…

He finally answered. "Don't you mean, what's going down… _**into my stomach!"**_

Well that just made me feel like I crapped in my pants a bit too much. Casey, who knew that Zetsu-kun is to be afraid of, screamed, jumped on the bar counter, breaking a beer bottle and showed him the sharp half. "I WOULD RUN, BEFORE I MAKE YOU INTO FERTILIZER!" Crazy eyes was here, but in the form of a fifteen year old younger cousin. Even Madara would crap like Pein would.

"Aw shit!" I smiled, wiggling still in my cocoon, "Run, Ivy Dude! She gets pissed when she doesn't have any sugar! And can someone please get me out of my cocoon!"

"_**Wait a second… Ivy DUDE? **_It's okay, just relax. _**I want to eat her!**_ Leader would ring your… our neck. _**But she called you that name too! **_…okay, it's on, bia-tches! I'm ready… _**to eat!" **_Wow, when I heard that, I thought the plant was growing weed in his, trap… thing, whatever it is. Casey, on the other hand, had the freaking devil at her side.

"Bring it on, Oreo Monster!"

They both circled around each other while me and Justice were watching for the official Peanut Gallery. It was like a cowboy movie, with the showdown… except its FemShika and… I don't even know… facing off. It was intense.

"Come on, Casey! Kick his balls off!" Justice yelled from the background, untying my cocoon, and then letting me just drop onto the floor like bird PLOP.

I had to interrupt, grunting a little when getting up. "Um, isn't that a bit harsh?"

"FUCK YEAH!"

I sighed as the two ran into each other, Casey pile-driving the reptile Venus fly trap right into the ground. We cheered and did the wave (well, it was a shorter wave, there was only two people) and Zetsu was not just black and white, but also the color blue in here too. Soon there will be red and his yellow eyes and green hair… OMG! A freaking rainbow soon!

"GO CASEY! SHE'S OUR GIRL! IF SHE CAN DO IT, ZETSU WILL HURL!"

"What the hell is going on here?"

We all looked up, with Zetsu being pulled by the mouth and Casey's arm stuck in the mouth. I swear I heard him say: "Mhm. Tastes like chicken. _**Fried chicken.**_" But anyways, the person who spoke was Piercings Prink, and all the Akatsuki failures were standing there, cross armed. This is clearly not a good thing.

"We have made our decision."

**

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**

Wow, that was a cliffhanger, wasn't it?

**So click the review or fav, or whatever, and I'll get back to you! Thanks for your support and feedback so far! And… HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY! ;)**


	24. AUTHOR'S NOTE Intermission!

**Author's Note: INTERMISSION!**

**Hey party peoples! I'm here to announce that Miragechick2 is still alive! :D**

**I know, I know, I'm not a superhuman person who keeps their promise to post EVERY SINGLE Thursday for weeks… but it's a good point! Honestly, I've been extremely busy with schoolwork and high school and spring sports (I made varsity! Woot woot!) But anyways, the deal is also that I was blocked from publishing and updating some of my stories for like… three weeks or so for NO APPARENT REASON. 0_0**

**So to sum it all up, I'm sorry it's been a few weeks without an epic update, and I appreciate you guys that have favorited, alerted, reviewed, or/and are a fan of the story. I love you guys! I get so excited whenever it get positive feedback! (does a little caramelldansen) :3**

**And to make it up, there. Shall. Be. Another. Awesome. Chappie. Coming. Up! (next Thursday I might add!) :P**

**So go on with your lives and just keep note that I'm still here (and de-hacked!)**

**-Miragechick2 **

**Kudos to all of you! (Dances with the Akatsuki gang just for the hell of it!)  
**


	25. Road Trip!

**Hello peeps! **

**So here I am! On Thursday! On time! (Phew) As I already explained, I was really freaking busy with everything, so here ya go! (Throws a bone of epicness right at your head)**

**So let's get on to the comments:**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.23): Oh shmap it right! Haha, thanks for the error, I tend to do that… and Pein, if he wanted to, could dress up in Sakura clothing and call himself that… but if he were here he would ring my neck :P**

**-DarkArtistic (chap.23): Thanks for your explosive positivity, hm! (Hehe, Dei-dei) So thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy more of it! (I hope… hehe…)**

**-The Awesome Squad (chap.23): Okay, first, and foremost… AWESOME NAME. And two… Hidan is epic!... but not as epic as granny badass. No one beats her XD Thanks!**

**-GEMfaerie: I promise you guys the best, and I love when ideas come out the blue like that! Hehe, rainbows are great as well :3**

**-KITTY LOVS MATT (chap.23): Yeah, I know… cliffhanger… but still! Ya can't wait for it! And top O' the mornin' to you! (tips green Irish hat in appreciation)**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.23): KFC ALL THE WAY BABAY! (hehe, I've only had it once at a Superbowl party, but it was AMAZING GOODNESS!) **

**-obitoforever (chap.23): I love your opinions of Zetsu, by the way… yeah, he's go no one but himself (Zetsu quote) and who knows… maybe Haley will turn into a butterfly like Choji and all of his awesome chakra powahs!**

**-Erin Ehmazing (chap.23): We need to go on skype! I've never talked to you, but we're never really on! Hehe, this needs to happen someday! Moving on… you must love Sasori, I take it (question mark?) But don't worry, lil sis, I love him too (secretly) and Haley gets off of track A LOT. You'll find out more about that in this update :3**

**-kiilala (chap. 23): Wow… 3AM… YOU ARE EPIC! Thumbs up for you! And with Sasuke and Sakura… I wouls love to do that, but not in this story… in the SEQUEL, definitely! ;)**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.24): Haha, thanks for the appreciation :3 I made my varsity softball team, which is great for me, just t let you know hehe. And school… pretty much the purpose of it.**

**-Jestie Uchiha (chap.23): BHAHAHA well yes, and to ensure you, that was the only one I wanted to do. :P You are welcome hehe!**

**-GEMfaerie (chap.24): YESSSS! It took me two weeks for the security to stop being weird on my account :P**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.24): AWW! :( derived, but still, the story is back and ready to go! (gives a Might Guy smile and thumbs up)**

**So that's it for now, PLEASE, for Jashin's sake and Hidan's… and the children's, go REVIEW to whomever is reading this. Fav/alert/comment, do whatever to give feedback! I love it!**

**I'll hand it off to Haley now, so ta-ta, and I'll be sure to update again next Thursday! **

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25

Aw nuts. Remember when Pein in the Prickles called whether we live or not? Yeah… right now!

"We have made our decision."

Casey was in the middle of tugging Zetsu's lip upward, so you could see full bare of the Zetsu teeth. Yep, he'll be checked up on by the dentist real soon. Work on eating apples, not Adam's apples, ya know… from the throats of freaking people. Justice was paused from her rally, and so was I, and Kakuzu, coming from the back, looked at me with the softest green eyes I've ever seen. I guess that's why I'm in cahoots in heart for the stitches man… his eyes are hawt. Sorry Dr. Shmex and Naruto, my cute adorable little spaz boy. Ebenezer Stitches wins it for prettiest eyes. But anyways, he was looking at me, and he smiled underneath his mask.

"As the Leader, I have declared that you all are safe… for now. But any other irrelevant things will lead to your deaths, even if you are little girls or not."

"We're not just little girls, Leader of Toiletries…" I presumed, cheering my butt off with my girls, "WE'RE the DeiShikaGuy trio, bia-tch!" High fives all around, and the Akatsuki lowered their heads in embarrassment. Pein whispered to some of them, "Kakuzu, Kisame, Deidara, you all are SOOOO lucky to have won the vote."

"WHAT?" Justice screamed excitedly, already glomping a certain Barbie art freak she male. I also came upon that same act, and Kakuzu gruffly and with a sigh, hugged me back, lifting me up, like the Notebook. I pulled down his mask, and Stitches and I were kissing for the first time. It was kinda annoying, with the while 'oh! My strings!' thing, but I got used to it. "AWWWW!" Justice implied, being her sweet, innocent self. "Ya know you're kissing old man lips, right Haley?"

Oh, I hate irony. I disconnected with him, and the Christmas Man himself bowed his head in shame while Casey decided to laugh at his failure at being 92 years old. Suddenly I got the 'I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause' thing going on inside my messed up head. Pein groaned as we recuperated ourselves. "Love is such a stupid emotion…"

Casey grinned next to me. "What he really loves is some two-ply. That'll loosen up his uptight ass!" Hidan and Kisame held in their laughter, while Old Man Pucker-Up gave me the glare. Seriously, right after the best kiss? And back comes the Grinch for another delivery.

"… anyways, after that really weird display…" Buggars pinpointed us with those ringy-dingies, "We need to depart west. That's where Itachi had gotten the thought of where the kyuubi might be."

"Kyuubi, shmoobee," Justice skipped to the front of the assembly. Here we go. "…WE SHOULD TAKE A VACATION! IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE! Maybe we'll find Naruto!"

A vacation? A total relax, with Akatsuki vacation, in the woods, camping experience? This will either be very good, or very bad. But then again… VERY GOOD YOUTUBE MOMENTS. I grinned like Tobi was promised a life-time of Redbull. "HELL I'M IN!"

The boring people immediately rejected the idea. "No." Poop-heads. Go get high on some of Tobi's Redbull. OR the secret stash of Kisame's happy drugs, he laughs and smiles so much it's kinda creepy… but it's cute. I respect him for that. He's got more of a sense of humor than any of these guys.

"But, but… I can meet up with my brethren deer! They need their mommy!" Casey shouted, waving her hands in the air, "Please… I swear that'll be the last time we bother you-"

"But we have no guarantees about that," I interrupted before it was too late. Phew. We torture them, that's the point of not trying to run away! "So let's go… I know we'll find someone lost in the woods that's a member of Konahagakure that knows where Naruto is." I gave a sly smile, and Kakuzu knew it. "What are you trying to pull here? We have no money to pay for food and camping and you expect me to pay for it?"

"Okay, first off, Raggedy Ann," I came to him, tapping his nose, "This is from the mastermind who came up and successfully stole 10 million big ones from the bank. And two… it's like this. The boy ALWAYS pays for the popcorn at the movies. So YOU, being the poor sap with me, has to pay for it all."

Pein shrugged. "Well, if Haley's right about this, and Kakuzu's paying, then I'll probably come."

"YES!" Justice yelled, "Way to pull that six-foot lead bar out of your ass!"

King Prickers had tried to ignore that, but failed at doing so. "Then we shall proceed."

I screamed with my finger pointed in the air. "Or we could go like this… LAST ONE TO THE DOOR PAYS FOR IT ALL!"

And we scrammed out of there like we were holding to our undies. And guess who was last and growling over how I was such a jackass… Kakuzu-kun himself. "FUCKER'S GOTTA PAY FOR EVERYTHING!" Stripper Priest howled, on the ground.

"And the gas for the car!" came a familiar, irritating voice.

"CAR?" Kakuzu stormed to the outside where he found us gaping in awe. Tobi the living Cinnabun had pointed to a school bus with Akatsuki clouds all over it and pink fuzzy dice on the front of the car. The license place had it labeled: "AKA-CAR". Wow, Madara, for someone so old, wrinkly, a jackass, and much more unpleasant and mean things to say but should not be repeated… this was actually pretty good. Except for the fact that he pulled a Tobi, and that the van was obviously seen from people who KNEW about Akatsuki. Maybe your brain's a Cinnabun too, Old Man Madara. Or maybe it's melting from so much age. That's it. His brain is a melted, dried up old Cinnabun.

"This… is… AMAZING!" Justice flipped, skipping to honk the horn. She opened the door and with a hilarious chuckle, pressed the center of the wheel, and it played the soprano version of the Akatsuki theme song. Pein almost fainted on Konan, who was not wanting to catch a guy who pisses himself regularly. Then everything went crazy.

"LET'S PAINT THE MOTHER FUCKING JASHIN SYMBOL ON IT!"

"No, art is a bang, hm! We need that on there!"

"I like a big shark fin, that'll go in nicely!"

"TOBI STOLE IT, HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO WHAT HE WANTS… AND THAT IS TO make a giant teddy bear on the side of the bus!"

"So immature," a certain blind someone whispered, rubbing his eyes.

"Just… get… in… the goddamn bus… before I kill someone…" Kakuzu grumbled, and with that, Hidan bumped into his partner. Good Ole Zombie Bros. "Is a certain cheap-ass on their fucking medication? Huh?"

"Hidan… the deer…"

"I'LL BE GOOD!"

"Okay then everyone," Buggars pronounced, hopping in the passenger's seat with Konan driving, and everyone else piling in, "We're off… and I take it that Kakuzu's paying for everything?"

"I hate you all…"

. . .

"Are we there yet?"Justice asked for the thousandth time, "I gotta go take a piss!"

"No, and so does everyone," Pein murmured. We were all compacted into the van for four hours with traffic. Let me give you the order of seats here: Pein was sleeping away next to Konan, who was driving over the speed limit on caffeine. Warning: do not give Konan coffee. In the first row was Tobi, Hidan, and Casey, with Tobi having a sticky lollipop on his mask when he had no tongue hole and watching Hidan-san reading the Jashin Bible. (Apparently there is one where he keeps it in his front pocket, that zealous nerd fan-boy.) Casey, who heard Tobi's incessant screaming and Hidan's ya know, swearing problem, had taken the book and opened the car window, throwing it out of there, continuing to listen to her iPod in silence. "Both of you shut the hell up… or go PISS OFF. Your choice." That did it. Casey, you're a genius. Even Madara pissed his pants like Pein would regularly do.

In the next row was Dei-Dei-chan, Sasori-no-nice-guy, Justice, and Itachi, who was just staring blankly outside of the car window, wishing that he won't be late to his episode of Opera. Justice was canoodling with her man-boob, and Deidara was yelling at Tobi's annoyingness. Wait till Madara comes out to play, Princess. He'll kick your little blondie plastic ass all the way to Barbie land. Sasori… was fixing his arm with a screw driver, his fingers twitching his delight. Oh my. Someone really needs to get out there in the social world. Granny didn't teach him anything except how to be a world class jerk-off, and to play with his puppets like Dei was one of them. I bet he wishes that Dei was a Barbie. He would either make out with it in his little puppet corner (hehe, puppet corner), or cut its head off. I'll go for options… both. Good entertainment, over all.

And what about me, you ask? Well, Leader placed me where I had regretted it… in between my crazy, psycho, Raggedy Ann, cheap-ass boyfriend and Shark Chum-chum. They were holding out both of their hands for me to hold… so I stuffed my greedy hands into my armpits, refusing to. I knew that Kakuzu was crazy, I mean, literally crazy for me, and Kisame was still having a pleasure seizure for macking out in the closet. So… it was overall awkward. (Insert awkward turtle here.)

And our dear friend the cannibal Oreo monster… well… the trunk was full of the stuff that Kakuzu brought, and since Kisame didn't want Zetsu there because he tasted like sushi (in all due seriousness)… WE STRAPPED HIM TO THE ROOF. It's not like no one would notice a talking algae complaining to himself, right? I swear some of them are idiots.

"So are we there yet?" Justice asked two seconds later. Pein's buttons were being pushed. Hard.

"We have traffic" was the only answer. Lazy Pierced Pricker Leader.

I stuck my tongue out at the rearview window to him. "Bleh. You're no fun. Why don't we sing a song?"

"NO." Was about everyone's response.

Too bad, assholes. "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer… come on, Kisame! This is your favorite song!" He sighed, stretching his hand closer to my lap. Player. "I really need some of that right now… but no."

"The wheels on the bus go round and round!" Justice considered.

"FUCKING GAY!" a certain potty mouth yonder yelled. Watch your mouth Hidan; Sasori and Deidara are very sensitive.

"Turn up some tunes!" Casey bobbed her head.

Konan sighed, and turned on the radio. The speakers blasted out "Hey Baby (Drop it to the Floor)" in full volume. As being my favorite song so far in the past few days, all us crazy girls, Kisame, and Hidan were rocking out. "OH BABY BABY! LALALA-LALALALA!"

"No," Dr. Shmexy recalled at once, and reached in to change the FM. Now it was opera at full blast. First off, my ears bled. And I think my brain turned into one of Tobi's Cinnabun's.

"NOOOO!" Hidan screamed, and quickly changed it before it went to the chorus. Rock death metal came, and he was head-banging while Kakuzu gave him one of the dirtiest looks in history.

"GET DOWN; COME ON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS!" Hidan screamed into the air, opening up the sky window, head-banging like it was Jashin's birthday, and in the middle of it all, he stopped, and came down with a big ass tomato dripping all over his face. "Shut. Up. Fuckers."

"Oh! Tobi wants to choose a song! Tobi's been a good boy!" Bullshit, Madara, you're full of it. Pein sighed again as Tobi turned the dial to Kid's Bop… and they were singing Womanizer by Britney Spears… uh… yeah. America is somewhat messed up. "Deidara Senpai! This is the song you were singing in the shower when we stayed that night in the hotel-"

"NO YOU DON'T, HM!" Wow blondie, you of all people. More like the Man-izer… right, Sasori-no-straightness?

The car finally stopped, and Pein unlocked the doors as I fled the premises. That was to close with my two keen lovers next to me. Finally, I get some air.

We all get out, and we're in the camping zone. Yes! Akatsuki on vaca!

"Uh… guys… where's… ZETSU?" Casey breathed in a sweat, eyes glued on our awesome ride.

We all looked back to the van, with all of the ropes on the car roof gone. Oh shit…

"Run. Now." Magneto advised. Whether it was for the Johnnyhouse or not… he had a good point.


	26. Hey, That's Privates!

**Hello to all, and to all a good freaking April break! Woot!**

**Alrighty, so I was out for a while, but I'm here on my Thursday afternoon before my trip to DC (ironic, much? Wink, wink) to update! I must say that the newest character that makes his/her epic appearance… is in my top ten favorites… so please enjoy! :P**

**Comments from wonderful peoples:**

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.25): Yes. Yes absolutely. But I need your computer de-hacked! Osu told me about that… ): Guy disapproves with those stupid virus-makers from the deep pits of Jashin's lair. (haha, that's my brain at work) And so the order is Sasori then Blondie, the two ego-crazed artist couple. Well, then I added more Sasori in this story just for you! :P And to add quickly, yes, Itachi loves Opera and Dr. Phil, my wonderful comment about Hidan's gay remark (I almost cried with happiness for my ADHD brain to come up with that!) and don't worry… I love long comments… so please write whateves! And hopefully, your freaking computer fixes! :3**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.25): Haha, I get your idea, I would be doing caramelldansen on mine with a few members (cough, cough, Kisame, Kakuzu, Pein, Madara) ^^; but ya know, that's just me. And we wouldn't get tomato'ed like Hidan. That's just unfortunate! Thanks for reviewing!**

**-OsuwariKawaii (chap.25): Hahaha, I don't blame youz! I just randomly played a random song on my ipod while I was writing, and then came "down with the sickness!" and I just saw hidan getting tomato'ed in the face for his bad pelvic thrusts! XD Hope your St. Bobby Joe actually gets de-hacked!**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.25): Casey solves her problems by either breaking a nut or just throwing the Jashin bible (pocket edition) out of the window. Don't mess with her! :) And I personally would join Hidan alon with you, dear awesome reader!**

**-The Awesome Squad (chap.25): First off, love your name… just has epic written all over it! :D And second, I wish I had that game… :( and third… the opinions of the characters are great! (I'll make Sasuke in the sequel!) So thanks for reviewing, I appreciate it!**

**So there ya go, another chappie written, another chappie updated for you lovies… so please! Hear out our mystery guest in this chappie, and read, review, and fav… just… do something. Something… just please write out your comments to the: "Miragechick2 needs donation in order to let go of the Akatsuki hstage in this chapter, Kisame."**

**Kisame: "Freaking bitch!"**

**Heh. Just… never mind him. Go, read, laugh, comment. Follow the RLC. Hehe! :P **

* * *

26

Well, we finally realized that Zetsu was nowhere to be found, or was probably run over by a truck. Multiple times. Poor lettuce-man. All chopped off and ready to be served with a side of Kisame's mom. So the Church Boy, Dr. Shmex, Justice, Raggedy Scrooge, Pein's little Post-it note (Konan), and Princess Dei decided to go look for anyone else in the woods while me, Sushi Chops, Sasori-no-ladies-man, Dear Ole' Cinnabun, Casey, and Pein in the Bum should just hang here to set up the tents.

So we decided to have some fun.

"Hey Sasori? Isn't your mom one of the logs we're using to make firewood?" I started, snickering in my comedic genius.

Dei's little Ken doll gave a threatening look. "Oh well," I continued, shrugging, "Looks like the saw grinder's gunna be full tonight! Poor Mrs. Sasori, she was always so nice to nature… too bad she'll be burned down to ashes upon ashes…" I chucked one of the logs into the fire, and the flames went up and ready to burn Sasori's poor mother. And the funny thing was Sasori-no-real-boy nervously looked at the burning log. Some of the Akatsuki started to chuckle. Then the Nutcracker came snapping back. "I don't have a mother!"

"Wow, Mama's Boy," Casey mentioned, happily spiking up tents with her shark lover, Kisame Sushi, "I thought Granny Chiyo was somewhat of a motherly-figure-"

"Motherly figure, sure," Sasori sighed, taking out the marshmallow packet, looking at it intensely, imagining it as Deidara's head and trying to image him as so cute he could eat him all up, "She's an old bag with more wrinkles than Itachi."

"You underestimate old ladies, Sasori. Look at Ole' Blue and Brawn here," I smiled, pointing to a particular fish man, winking. "He got knocked clean off of his feet with Granny Badass…"

"HEY BLONDIE! That's not to be mentioned within this group! I was overpowered, and I didn't have Samehada-"

"Overpowered by the entire retirement home, more like it," Casey grumbled, picking up more kindle to burn more of Sasori's mom, "Geez, babe, I thought you'd be better than that."

Kisame turned purple, which meant Barney the Purple Shark was coming back to blush his face off. Madara the not so good boy came off with his stupid child talk. "OH! REALLY? HALEY-CHAN, YOU MUST BE AMAZING! WITH CASEY-CHAN AS WELL!" He came upon our knees, literally asking for our autographs. I leaned in along with my nut-crunching cousin to hear the real prick leader.

"What the hell do you want?" I whispered, "It's not like you're a dog begging for scraps, like you usually are for Deidara… by the way, I've heard some pretty interesting stuff about you and Blondie." We both made the kissy noises, and Madara glared at us coldly. Hot damn. Chill out, Uchiha. I guess he's really serious about his secret relationships.

"You both, and that other girl are going to get the torture of your lives bringing us out here in the forest, searching for nothing-"

"HEY-YO! WE'VE GOT A GAY AND LIVE ONE, FUCKERS!"

We all glanced at what appeared to be the best and the worst event to happen. The group all came back, and guess who was tied up like a human worm and was being carried by Deidara the man-izer himself…

"OH MY LORD IT'S FREAKING SAI!" Both of us practically jumped five feet in the air, and with that, Casey had done a celebratory kick in the twigs and berries for Mr. Sunshine Lollypop, who was now flipped over and grunting in pain. "OH! TOBI'S PRIVATES GOT HURT! Can anyone help Tobi? Deidara Senpai…?"

"Fuck no, yeah," Deidara came upon silently, holding Sai and ignoring Tobi's really weird request, "I actually caught this one near the river-bend, drawing the worst form of art I could ever see. I mean, really, hm? Drawing? That's totally gay."

Look who's talking, Fancy Pants.

Sai was gagged and bound like the human worm, like me, but hopefully with my help, he shall become a beautiful butterfly. But so far… yeah, he was screwed. Blondie placed him down and I undid his gag.

"Oh my… hello. What an ugly woman she was, huh?" He smiled pleasantly, like he was dying of constipation, but silently. I believed he was referring to the she male over yonder, and once that reached his ears, he turned, pouting, stomping away to go create his sucky art to impress his boyfriend. Geez, it's like a gay fiasco. So good luck, Deidara, but Sai's got his eyes on you.

Sai smiled again to us. "So, where am I again?"

"No conspiring with the enemy," My sweetheart stitches interrupted, dropping in on us, "We have a meeting, and he's not coming."

"Hey you," Sai noted, smiling again, trying to hold it, "Did you have to stitch your, ya know, ding-dong, because of your lack of doing it?"

Oh my god, it is now declared that he coming to this meeting. Period.

Kakuzu slunk back to hardly gag Sai again, and went off to the fire pit while I had that look of 'I'm going to do something so evil' hanging practically off my face. Justice laughed. "I know that look!"

"Yep, and it's going to be the best thing to ever be recorded on YouTube, our mighty god." That smile on my face hung there, and Sai, behind his gag, smiled; pretty damn confused right now.

. . .

So all of us Akatsuki members met at the fire pit, and guess who we brought with us… Sai. Pein raised an eyebrow of godly proportions. "We do not include prisoners in the meeting; we'll be there to interrogate him later."

"Well too fucking bad," Casey replied, both of them thinking the same thing: Piss off. "He's here to stay. He'll give us information that will have the pee seeping through your Akatsuki shorts." Oh the irony in that sentence. My camera started off in the corner, and I grinned like Zetsu was promised human Thanksgiving dinner for the rest of his life.

"Trust me Pein-sama, he went through a lot of torture before we brought him to the fire pit," Justice cooed, using 'sama' in his presence. Pein, happy about his freaking ego, sighed. "Alright, our meeting was about him anyways. Please remove his gag."

Once I undid his little gag, he smiled like freaking Cheshire Cat. This was going to be really ugly.

"So you're the leader, huh? My, my, what a shame. I hope you didn't pierce yourself too much, like your almighty disco stick. No one does that anymore. Poor Konan, I mean, has she ever asked you about that in bed?" Silence endured, and we all burst out laughing while Konan and Carrot Head blushed completely. So Sai was telling the truth. Then out of nowhere, Leader's nose bled until he hit the floor unconscious, and Konan didn't really care about catching him. I tell ya people, YouTube gold here.

"So that ugly woman over there, I saw mouths on her hands… I hope there's not a mouth where I'm thinking there is."

This is so dirty right now, but at the same time, really hilarious. I bet the whole of YouTube will be bowing for more viral videos. Deidara, with his really bad temper, stomped away. "I swear my hands will eat your dirty face, hm!"

"Gee, what went up his ass?" Casey sneered, while Justice chased after him, saying: "Oh, Dei-Dei! He didn't mean it!"

"What went up his ass… more like what didn't!" Sai responded like the Flash, directing his face to Sasori, and Sai, with that comment, was virtually unstoppable. Nosebleeds came from Deidara and Sasori-no-hold-in, and they fainted next to each other on the ground. Aw, Barbie and Ken, sitting in a tree.

Sai continued smiling and directed himself towards Kisame. "So that's Samehada? Wow… that must mean that your Samehada must be a miniature for an action figure!" Kisame turned Barney- purple again. How manly.

"Wait, wait, isn't that the blind Itachi? I bet he saw his wee-wee in the mirror for the first time and almost died of eye-failure." Itachi flushed, silently praying to his parents to come down from heaven to slap him. But Kakuzu looked at me… and my video camera from a distance. "HEY! NO FAIR!"

I snickered. "You have nothing on me, Frankenstein! Sai's on a roll right now, and he ain't stoppin'!" I ran from the rape tentacles, and then he ended up tackling me onto the ground, but I flipped the camera to Justice to catch and protect. But yet again, I was the human backpack. Great, why don't you put some books in me and bring me to the school of failure, Kakuzu? I bet he's been going there since he's been five. Yeah, that's a theory.

So my freaking Stitchy McChristmas places me down on the ground, and Kisame grins like Jaws was promised some major deal on human flesh. "Why don't we roast her up to scare her?"

Ew. I never thought that Chum-Chum would result to cannibalism. "Um, Kisame, one bit of advice… STOP HANGING AROUND WITH ZETSU. THAT'S WHY HE HAS HIMSELF TO HANG AROUND WITH."

Kisame and Kakuzu exchange heavy glances of Pee-color eyes (no, really! Kisame's eyes are Pein's urine color!) and ugly Christmas in the summer, then they both got to me. But then Sai saw this coming, and smiled his little gay 'I'm going to rape you internally' smile of death. He's like Yamato my Homeboy, except, well, ya know… special. In his own little way.

"I wouldn't make a huge bonfire. The burning of flesh brings in the Monster of the Forest... of Death!"

Everyone was silent, except for Sasori who woke up next to Princess Dei. "Isn't there a forest of death in our world?" Freaking party pooper. This is why your kind is used for the stick for smashing the piñata. Which reminds me, I have an art project to create once I get back home… it's for school. I have to be creative… so I'll carve Sasori's terrified face on my baseball bat and make a fat Deidara Paper Mache. I'll get an A for sure, and it will be the funniest thing ever made.

Oh, back to forest of death… Sai paused, making his sticking out lips into a circle. "Oh wait! Not forest of death! Duh! Just… forest of d- deer! Yeah, deer!"

"WHAT? FUCKING DEER! GAY BOY, THAT BETTER NOT BE TRUE!"

"And it is, attractive old man," Drawing Boy continued, smiling and winking at Church Boy. Bow Chika Wow Wow… awkward edition! "There are evil deer and squirrels and their leader… the Bunny of Blood! I just saw him earlier, when I was dropped off here by that fight back at our world. That's why I was so defeated when you all kidnapped me… he beat me up and almost chewed my head off!"

Of course, to all of you IQ freaks, this is a reminder that Sai's stupendous story is pure B freaking S. Bull-crap with a side of Pein urine as a beverage. But these S-Rank criminals were eating this stuff up like Choji on a cupcake spree. So Sai, with all the men paying attention to him, was secretly loving this. And the fact that Hidan had his attention. I feel another random pairing coming on.

Pein-in-Madara's-ass raised an eyebrow above his Purple Buggars of mosquito-ness. "So there's a forest monster, and other forest demons in this forest… interesting… men! We're going on a hunt for this freed bijuu! Follow my lead, subordinates!"

Guess what happened? No one came, except for Konan, who only wanted to follow him to smack him upside the head with a newspaper. Kisame, however, shuttered in his blue skin. "Uh, squirrels are there?"

Sai laughed. "Of course. They're all over the place… they might be watching you from the trees, with those beady black squirrely eyes…" Kisame almost jumped on foot in the air. There goes Free Willy.

"Woah, whoa, don't tell me your afraid of squirrels?"I jumped in, squirming in my human backpack. "And by the way, Kuzu-chan… LET ME GO." A little spoken Ebenezer Cheap-Ass sighed and gathered up his little rape tentacles from my body. Ew. Nice description from Haley van Peterson herself. I dusted myself off and lit a part of Sasori's mother to make a torch, holding it up high. "Alrighty! Then we shall go and find this bijuu! I bet's it's the nine tails or something! Maybe we can tame it and name it Fluffy!"

The members looked at me in awkward silence. Way to cooperate, people. "Okay, maybe not that last bit, but ya want to be creative. So let's go! Maybe Naruto's in here! Come on, let's follow the Yellow Brick Road!"

It went like this. It's like the name Naruto has a magnetic power, and all the Akatsuki members are magnets going to attach to the idea to find him. It just snaps in all of their simplistic heads. So they rose, and gathered their torches, and sadly for them, they had to release Sai to help locate the monster. Which means… he can help with the torture! Yay for harassment!

So we all marched in the woods, Sai in the lead to go look for the Bunny of Blood. Yeah… this is awkward, but hey! It's Sai we're talking about here. How wouldn't it?

My compadres and I grinned evilly, Justice handing me back my video camera and Casey taking out her big guns of pee. This was going to be the best horror movie reenactment since Saw.


	27. The Blood Bunny, You Say?

**Alrighty, so let's start the show!**

**So first off, this chappie just came blasting out my mind in random bits, so if you're not into it, excuse my overworked ADHD brain. Just to warn ya, but it's still funny in a way… and I know you'll hate me for the end, because I promised I'd never do it again, but it shall be the last time. Good. WE're done talking about it. :P**

**So comments! Gotta love 'em!**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.26): Oh you'll see. Haley is dragging her camera around everywhere, so it'll be epic enough to beat that at the box office… maybe :P **

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.26): YES! Finally! And I heard about poor osu… St. Bobby Joe lives on (if she reads this response) ;) alright, so the order is Dei Princess first, then Sasori-no-tallness. Ah ha! It's finally resolved. And just to let you in, my order is Kisame first, then Dr. Shmex ;) Haha yes, the GAY AND LIVE ONE thing… that, when writing, I had the same spit-take, and with the bow chika wow wow… that was for you!**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.26): Bhahaha… Sai has a secret (not so secret) crush on Hidan, but don't you worry! He's for you, and he's probably the exact opposite of gay. :P**

**-GEMfaerie (chap.26): XD lol probably the shortest response yet from you, but thanks!**

**-OsuwariKawaii (chap.26): YES YOU ARE ALIVE… on your mother's computer… but St. Bobby Joe will have to be dealt with… muhahaha… but never mind that. And with the Sai joke… you'll have to wait!**

**-XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX (in general): Yay! Another addict! Bhahaha, sounds weird to say that, but to me, it's a good thing! And the little McDonald's quote… you'll hear more about that in chappie 8 (and you'll find out ;) So thanks very much!**

**Alright, so I'm done here. Disclaimers… balh, blah, blah, kiss my ass… whateva. Oh, before I forget to add, I do not own Monty Python. Or Shamu. Or any other vicious killing animals. Or they'll come after me… :P**

**So have fun, and REVIEW! For Jashin's Sake! :D **

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27

So here we are, three girls in the woods with an organization of psychopaths and a gay man… to find this so called 'Bunny of Blood'.

Now alright, I know you all think: "UH… WHY?" There's a specifically good reason. They're dumb enough to fall for it, and I have my video camera to press play when anything totally hilarious peruses. Oh. And blackmail when I need it. I'm not being held hostage by these guys ever again… besides, I got to get my OWN food. Gosh darn it, isn't there a maid in Akatsuki or someone who does that crap? I'm not applying for the job. So go wave that help wanted sign somewhere else, and not at my face. I grinned ahead of time. This will be more epic than the time I saw Might Guy flash a smile and put up the thumbs up… yep. That's the symbol of youth, right there.

So we all went further into the Colorado woods area, and it was getting major dark. Like Madara's soul. Speaking of Madara, might as well insult him a bit more to piss him off. "Geez, if you think your face is as ugly as your heart, I bet you'd have a reason to put on that mask… but really? Stealing Naruto's shade as paint on your Lollypop mask? That's a crime. And besides… everyone hates the orange flavored ones." I rose an eyebrow, and Tobi/Madara was so close to beating me up right now. On the spot. "I hope for your death. Or else I'll do it myself." Then, when a cute little worm passed by our tracks, he deliberately stepped on it, crushing it and digging it into the ground.

"OH MEH GAWD, MURDERER!" I screamed, pointing to Madara like he was the Blood Bunny. Everyone turned, looked at Tobi, then turned their backs at me, either saying: "Freaking false alarm", or "FUCKING BITCH!", or even, "I have no time for this, un". Well there blondie, guess who gets cranky in the woods for a few days. I bet he misses his hairstyle at home. So back to Cinnabun… he laughed quietly and coldly at me, watching Justice cuddling up right next to Princess Dei and Casey practically harassing the zombie bros, giving a watch for Kisame every once in a while. I looked up at him, my eyebrow still raised. Stupid worm killer.

"You know, Haley-chan," Madara started quietly, "If we continue this behavior from all of you, this organization will get soft, and I will have to take my steps back to replacing myself as leader and get rid of Pein. If I had my ultimate rule, you and your little friends would be exterminated from the earth. And I would take over immediately."

A ring of silence overcame our really awkward conversation. "Well… good for you…?" I stated, stepping one step away from him as we still kept walking towards the deeper woods. Madara snapped back at me, I can tell, really P.O.'ed.

"Listen, girl, this is your last warning. I will get my place upon the Akatsuki, and whoever stands in my way will die the ultimate death."

"Ya know," I started, kicking a pebble like a soccer ball, "You don't have to be a complete downer. This time, this is your final warning, Madara Uchiha. Join the awesome, youthful side… because we have better cookies than your dark side! Come on, it'll be fun! You're just a freaking downer!"

"And I already suffer enough from being Tobi for so long," he commented coldly, "I don't need your little immaturities in my way of world domination."

I laughed to myself. "Wow. I guess you made the naughty list from Santa every single year… geez, Tobi's a bad boy! By the way, was Zetsu on something when he actually said that?" I can imagine that image right on the spot.

"That's it. You're going to face my Sharingan in a matter of-"

"HALEY!" Justice jumped, landing on my face, and soon, I was crushed by Might Guy's little apprentice. "Deidara went off, and he saw… THE BUNNY!" She made a face like that in Scream. The guy in the mask, or 'The Scream' a famous art thing-a-ma-bobber. Whatever one is fine with me if you're thinking of that right now. Anyways, that was her face.

"Whoa, whoa, who put the extra caffeine in your coffee?" I asked kindly, trying to push her off me. Then I stood, wiping the dirt off my cloak. "Wait, so what did the Princess of Art see?"

"I heard that, un!"

"Well, my boyfriend..." I bet she loves saying that, "… well, he was trying to find some reliable sources of clay, because he ran out, and he came across the shadows and saw two huge yellow eyes with a blood puddle on the ground, and he's still in shock! Oh god, Haley, hold me!" She laughed a bit, and from that, I knew that she was being a sarcastic little wise-ass towards the whole 'bunny' situation. Fancy Pants came to us, knowing that Justice goofed on him, and he was serious, just like his art crap. "It's no joke, hm! I saw the biggest, blood-thirstiest thing I've ever seen!"

So Sai wasn't joking…. Or was he…?

A yell went throughout the woods, and lightning struck. There was a continuous yell, and then it stopped. Kinda sounded like a cat coughing up a cat ball… oh my Jashin, that was Kisame!

I looked all over for the big blue skyscraper of a pervert who carries a giant pinecone wrapped in gauze on his back… nowhere, not even in the lake where his mom probably needed to pick him up from school. Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Tobi brains.

"Not the Shark Man!" Casey whined, clutching her squirt guns, shaking like a leaf, "They always go for the appetizer of shark cocktail!"

"Alright, first off, it's SHRIMP cocktail, there's a huge difference between the two, except for that whole water living thing-"

"Shut up!" Pein-in-my-Arse yelled, bugging those buggar eyes at practically everyone, "We need to move on before anything else eats my members."

I looked towards Sai, and he was having a laughing fit. "See, ha! I told ya he wouldn't last with blue balls!"

"WOULD YOU GROW THE FUCK UP?"

Sai snickered again, with that beautiful smiling pale, Edward Cullen face into this. "You should ask that to your wiener!"

Wow. Hidan got pwned again. But sadly, we got Kisame missing from here, and it's been about a few minutes without the talking Shamu flirting with me. So I kinda missed him and his good sense of humor, and Casey was kinda freaking out with all of the owls and crows cooing and crap like that. "Oh Jashin, Jashin, Jashin…! Get me the hell outa here before I get eaten by a big rabid bunny!"

I went next to Sai for a second, still kinda suspicious about the whole Bunny situation. "So this whole 'Blood Bunny' thing is fake, right?"

Coal eyes smiled again. That little bastard and his fake smile. No wonder Naruto didn't kiss him when Sai made his move that night. "Hehe… well, yes, actually. The whole story was true!" He seemed so cheery with the fact that this was kinda weird, but actually dangerous. This whole thing reminded me of Monty Python, to whoever epic people saw it. There was one part with when all of the knights met up with a bunny who bit their heads off and kicked their asses if they wanted to pass the cave… it was the most deadly-ass animal I've seen next to a freaking dinosaur. But with that in mind, I reconsidered. "Wait, Sai, you're kidding me here!"

"Nope! It's true, the whole thing! Just-"

Lightning struck again, and everyone pretty much pissed their pants. But it was Pein pretty much, yes, he was the only one, actually. He could create his own personal swimming pool or even ocean if he could. So once the lightning struck, everyone was there except for… Pinocchio.

"Yes! He's dead! Get the streamers, get the balloons, we're having a great funeral tonight!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air, deliberately laughing my head off in victory. Maybe this bunny is a giant woodchuck… but then I realized that Casey was gone too. Oh shit, where did that unstable child go?

"Everyone calm down… there's no need to panic…" Pein cautioned, and I snuck my eyes to see that Pein had created a little stain on his robe. Nice.

But then Tobi, who was being a dumbass, screamed and ran in circles. "EVERYBODY HIDE THE BUNNY'S GUNNA GET TOBI!"

So everyone broke in a panic, and I was standing there confused the entire time. I can't believe I'm saying this… but they're all probably stupider than Tobi when it comes to this stuff. So I followed along, still not believing the whole bunny story, and sighed, coming close to a tree. And guess who was there to scare me. "Goddamn, I thought it was someone who would be financially covered for when you're dead… grr…" Gosh, stupid old man stitches.

"Hey, hey. That's not the nicest thing to say, Scrooge. At least I probably won't be going to hell!" I skipped along, but he tugged on my collar. These Cloak-To-Go things really needs some cool gadgets to help me escape with. "Stay. Here. With. Me."

"What, so you can have more Haley snuggle time?"

"Just follow me, damn it." He dragged me down. Well, it's better than being wormed, right? Or even cocooned? I sighed to myself quietly. I'm still not at the butterfly stage yet. So we reached the top of a ditch, and realized there were screams down near the cave. Kakuzu gave the indication to hold his hand, and being me, almost slapped him for thinking that, but instead, he gave way to his rape tentacles to tie my arm to his and landing like Spiderman, with me on his arms and his rape tentacles being his little spidey web. Then finally he let go, and I kinda… blushed. Goddamn emotions… I wish I was like Itachi on the outside… but I know he's a big fluff on the inside. He's like a lollypop… hard on the outside, but chewy on the inside, btu still, the tootsie roll on the inside looks like dog poop in the middle. But alright… OFF TOPIC!

So we snuck in to hear more torturous screams. And we found Kisame and Sasori. And the monster…

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**Sorry, but Told ya so! **

**But it would be just dandy to click that review button... :D And sorry again!**


	28. DeerAPalooza!

**Okay, this'll be quick, cause I'll miss my bus. (Yes, I am doing this in the morning!)**

**Yay! So 28****th**** chappie, so about six more or so till the end! (AND THEN THE SEQUEL!) EEEPPP!**

**Yeppers! So comments!**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.27): Yay! Kakashi Forever coming to the rescue! Hehe, thanks for reviewing!**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap. 27): I really wanted to have some shrimp on the Sasori barbie, but sadly, I had to save them… the plot would be ruined! (depressed sigh), and I was looking forward ot having some California Rolls… :P**

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.27): YESSSSS! Hehe, I love them together with the monster! Party!**

**- XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX ( in general): WOW, YOU ARE AMAZING FOR REVIEWING ALL 27 CHAPPIES SO FAR! THANKS!**

**-obitoforever (chap.27): OMG YESSSS I DID KNOW THAT! It's not like the classics, but it's still amazing! And thanks for your support, and I promise in the future that I shall do more Madara torture. ;)**

**-AnimeStoryLover (chap.27): Muhahaha, a cliff hanger! Yeah, it'll probably be the last one though (phew) hehe, thanks for reviewing!**

**Yeppers, so please, do what you guys do best, and REVIEW. I love me, you send em. All proceeds go to the Miragechick2 fund in order to have more stories done and more cyber cookies and cakes thrown out there ;)**

**Okay, thanks for your attention, and BY THE WAY: Disclaimer for Michael Jackson, Big Macs, and Tentacle Spaghetti. Yes… you'll get it when you read it, so hopefully you have sense to!**

**Bye now, and R and R! ^/_\^**

* * *

28

Dun dun dun! Yes, that was a big cliffhanger. It draws suspense, and that's what a good scary movie needs. We need a couple of dead people, a gay guy (guess who…?), a psychopath who can't seem to die (another brain stomper), an innocent, yet attractive young female who kicks everyone's asses (muah, me!), and a monster. Now, you're probably wondering, 'Haley, just tell me what the hell happened and who is the gosh darn monster!' Alright, alright.

First of all, I was in shock. Multiple times in shock, and I've been creeped out before. Not as much so as the Michael Jackson of Naruto who tries to rape little boys who write depressing poetry, hint-hint, but this was pretty eye-popping, like Pein's buggars when he has to use the little god's room.

And the first thing I saw was Sasori and Kisame, a brilliant sight to see on my part. There was Fillet O' Fish, tied up to a stake on a fire. The idea that popped into my mind was: we're having shark fin soup, and Suigetsu should come over to have some… but he had the apple and all. And then there was Sasori, well, not Sasori, more like his head. Gagged. The rest of his body was being used as kindle. For the big-ass fire.

And guess who the monster was. Well, I didn't know either. He was kinda lurking in the shadows somewhere. Kakuzu narrowed his beautiful holiday eyes. "Oh good lord, I hope it's not who I think it is."

"YA MEAN A BUISNESSMAN TRYING TO SUE YOU?" I screamed, pointing to the figure. I saw the glare of the century, but I knew that old man wouldn't lie to me, I mean, come on, I'm adorable. Of course, also, he had little shivers. I knew that was his worst fear. I think I'll pull that joke on him one day when I'm finally out of here. But then bright yellow eyes emerged from the shadows as my yelps rang out, and it was coming. "Kakuzu hold meh!" I jumped, and I ended up sitting on him explosively, with my ass on his face. I think it was karma, for the fact that he should appreciate me more.

So I was cowering, St. McStitches was crushed, Kisame was almost perfectly roasted, Sasori was complaining where no one could hear him, silently cheering for me to be eaten, and the monster was in big pursuit. "Kakuzu, if we don't get consumed by a big-ass bunny, I want to ask you this… do you love me more than money?"

He looked at me like I was insane. "WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT? Just use yourself to shield me!"

Then when I was secretly pissed, the monster came out, practically crawling…

"ZETSU! WHAT THE HELL?" Kakuzu screamed, practically growling. I moved my head to make the angle out, and there, in fact, was the Oreo Plant itself, drooling and looking pretty freaking bad right now. Oh yeah… I kinda had a little flashback…

"_Uh… guys… where's… ZETSU?" Casey breathed in a sweat, eyes glued on our awesome ride._

_We all looked back to the van, with all of the ropes on the car roof gone. Oh shit…_

Wow. I feel really bad right now. I cringed when I realized that this half-starved, hysterical Venus Fly Trap had tire tracks on his face, and looked at me like a was inside the freaking KFC value bucket with extra Kakuzu biscuits on the side. He started drooling. Oh come on! Kisame looks pretty tasty, I mean, he's got the apple and everything!

"Uh, Kakuzu, we're going to be inside this guy's stomach in a few seconds…!" I dug my head into his cloak, and he let go of those little rape tentacles that also created the awesome living human backpack which was me. He wrapped up Zetsu, but the walking flower pot ATE them. Like sipping spaghetti from a fork.

My useless Frankenstein boyfriend realized this as Zetsu was sucking on them (sounds grosser then described, right?), and let go. "Damn, we're screwed!"

"YA THINK!"

We huddled close together, with Kakuzu breathing heavily on me, actually kinda scared. Wow, Mr. Heart-Stealer of Takigakure… you're scared of this? You realize… you have five hearts, and I'm an innocent Girl Scout look-alike? God, get yourself together, man! Stitch back those nuts, or get them eaten by a mutant multi-personality plant! But ya know, when everything's not in your favor, you wait for a miracle to happen. Hopefully soon, or I'm going to be Haley Stew and Kakuzu will be the entrée.

Then, a brilliant sound was made through the woods. A trumpet was blasted, and there, in the bright light of the moon, was Casey my freaking cousin, riding the biggest-ass deer, dressed as Shikamaru. And Sai was there… I think I'll end up killing him in the end.

"Really? BLOOD BUNNY?" I yelled, still clinging onto Kakuzu like a cat on a scratching pole.

Sai smiled, that little pale bastard. I wish that he still agreed to wear that Might Guy outfit, he'd look even more awful than he does now. Casey, however, was having the time of her life. She saw Zetsu, and that definitely triggered her fear of broccoli. "STEED! CHARGE, MY FURRY ANIMAL FRIENDS!"

Mr. Algae saw this, still hysterical from hunger, and tried to actually eat one of the deer. Luckily, one of the more intelligent animals had punched him in his white side with a hoof. It knocked him out entirely, cold on the ground, twitching. Casey continually commanded her deer to step on the poor plant man.

"Alright… uh, I think we're good!" I cautioned, pushing my boyfriend Raggedy Ann from me, "Thanks, kohai! You're the bomb, hm!" I gave a flashing smile and thumbs up, doing a practical Might Guy action, and also showing my secret Deidara identity. She winked and did the same, but then she spotted a suspicious shadow in the mist of it all… and anything running was hers to stomp. "CHARGE!" She left, but the others stayed behind and kinda helped with the mess of it all. I untied Boston Market To Go, who was gratefully appreciated.

"Thanks, girlie. Maybe a chance wouldn't hurt… you and me out by the lake tonight…" He tried the entire hand over shoulder thing, and I quickly removed it while blushing my face off.

"You realize you heard me confess my love to Kakuzu back there! Kisame, for the last time, you're my favorite Akatsuki, but Casey absolutely adores you to death! And besides, she hates seafood! That's a plus for you, bud!"

He thought a bit about it while I heard Sasori's multitude of swears when trying to be put apart again by Justice and Dei-chan, who were reluctantly there to help. "Come on, Deidara, my hips are right there, just grab them… Justice, spin my head to where the neck is… Deidara, I can feel your hands up my ass! It's not a place for you to be touching! There's a breeze!"

I almost hysterically burst out laughing at that point. But Kisame came back to me. "I love the blondes."

"THEN FREAKING HOOK UP WITH DEIDARA!"

"He's a boy."

"ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT DECESION? YOU NEVER KNOW!"

"Listen, I'm crazy for you. Remember how good it felt to kiss in the closet in that big place we stayed at for Truth or Dare? I want more… I'm in love with you, Haley-chan-"

"OH GOOD LORD, NOT THE FISH MAN! I'M IN LOVE WITH KAKUZU!" I backed up again, almost falling off of the log we were sitting on.

He inched towards me, eyebrows raised, smiling that devil smile. "Are you sure? Come on, live a little. You know you like me more than the Zombie Brother over there… by the way, for your information, he's 92 years old… and I'm three times less than that…"

Old Man Boyfriend noticed Wonder Willy and I back there, and the fact that Ol' Blue was making the moves on his little blonde girlfriend. He came stomping over with the pissed off look. "Hey, what do you think you're doing with my girlfriend?"

"Excuse me, your girlfriend? Heh, that's a good one. You can't hold a girl like you can't hold your bals with those rape strings!" Kisame did the old 'cat scratch' laugh again, like he was choking on popcorn, and the awesome Kakuzu eyes were being narrowed.

"Listen, Hoshigaki, she's mine. I got her first." Kakuzu pulled me over with his eaten spaghetti tentacles. Kisame grip overpowered my arm, and he pulled me to his side. "Suck it up. Blondie likes me better."

So practically I was being used as a life-sized, flesh made dog toy, or a rope used in tug of war. So when I got to about five pulls each and their little arguments, I had it. "That's it! Both of you, get the hell off me, and grow a pair! If you really like me, then freaking leave me alone!" I growled, and both of those two love-struck men let go of my abused arms. Gosh, I felt like the human stretch.

"Listen, I'll give you both a bit of what I call, THE REAL WORLD DILEMA. Okay, so shark bait shared my first kiss other than Hidan, who was just being a complete dick. But I liked Kakuzu first, and Mr. Shark Fin Soup's got the hots for blondes. Alright, so we have a problem. So here's how to solve it simply! Both of you can either hit the road and take what you have left of your balls, or respect my space!"

Both Akatsuki members looked at each other, back at a pissed-off me, and then back at each other. "Oh my god…"

"YES, FINALLY YOU ASSHOLES UNDERSTAND!"

"You are such a brat! Geez, when did princess get her temper tantrum in?" Kisame laughed, and Kakuzu chuckled. "Yep, I've had to deal with that and rob a bank. Living the life, right?"

"ARE YOU BOTH JUST BLATANTLY IGNORING ME? COME BACK HERE!" So they left, probably talking about how much of a diva I was, or a pain I was, or the funny fact that Dei and Saso were getting at it big time when Blonde was putting Pinocchio back together again.

So, in a depressing mood, I left the little cave we found Zetsu in, and looked up to see Hidan right in front of me, breathing heavily like the Jashinist ate a dozen Big Macs. "Oh my Jashin, SHE TRIED TO FUCKING KILL ME! DAMN DEER QUEEN… BITCH!" He ran away again, screaming in terror. Then a family of deer came, and with a familiar face up in from the front of the pack. "Cry in the terror of my deer warriors! Fight 'em off!" Then Casey and her beloved deer army disappeared while Hidan's soprano girl screams were carried out in the woods. Yep… the little things in life make you happy.

Speaking of random things… where the hell was Sai?

. . .

Not Haley's Point of View:

"Naruto!" Sai called, and the blonde didn't turn from a distance away, even when he was only a few yards away. So if that didn't work…

"PENIS!"

He immediately looked over, seeing Sai waving to him "Sai! You're on a… dear god what is that, dattebayo?"

Sai looked at his deer with pride. "It's my own unicorn! See it's little horn? I made it out of an end of a snow cone!" The deer he was riding actually did have a cone from a snow cone on its forehead. Poor abused deer.

Naruto gave one of the most annoyed looks. "Okay, let's just find the others, and then get the hell out of here, dattebayo. I never got any ramen, just these things called: 'Big Macs'."

Sai smiled. "Alright, just let me hold your hand for safety-"

Naruto edged to the side of the highway, trying desperately to run away from the gayness that was indeed Sai. "Uh... no, dattebayo! Get away from me!" Then the blonde formed sexy-no-jutsu, to frighten Sai.

"No, no!" screamed Sai as he went into beetle position, "Get that horrible creature away from me!"

. . .

Haley's Point of View:

Yep. It think he'll be fine.


	29. Evil Plans and the Rubiks Cube!

**Guess who's back…? Dun dun dun dun!**

**No, it's not Jaws, or Kisame for that matter. It's me! Miragechick2! Remember?**

**Yeah it's been a while… I've had stuff and more crap, and even some more things to do. Yep. That's my excuse. But really, I just want to take the time to say… Fuck you, school system! I'm out of here, bitch! (Hidan's words in my mouth)**

**Alright so here are the comments! (Oh how I miss you guys!) :3**

**- XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX (chap.28): I. Love. Kisame. Hoshigaki. He's got to me my fav as well, but Kakuzu's pulling in to save her girl! Haha, thanks a million for that last comment! (I'm getting there!) :D**

**- Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.29): Bhaha, I can just imagine them on an adventure together (XD) And Hidan… well, this is called the torture story after all…! :P**

**-I love creepy things (chap.29): First off. Your name. It's amazing! And two… really? I didn't know that! Haha thanks for reviewing!**

**-GEMfaerie (chap.29): I know. You have to go with Sai… he's utterly gay and he's proud of it! XD**

**-Kakashi Forever (chap.29): That's right! Use Sasuke's emo corner! Bhaha, poor Hidan id kinda right… but I mean come on. The guy is immortal. But still… bhahaha! :D**

**-AnimeStoryLover (chap.29): Thanks so much for reviewing! And to add, there shall be more deer-a-palooza coming soon!**

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.29): I hoped someone would love that cruel humor! But yes, haha, I love Sasori-no-danna so much I cuase him the most amount of torture… a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do… and it's alright! Take ya time! :P**

**-CaribbeanTrinidadian (chap.29): Of course! Hehe, and thanks for coming aboard the train of Akatsuki torture commentees! Much appreciated! And by the way… you're my 200****th**** commenter! (Throws a bunch of cyber cookies at you and hugs you)**

**-alyssaangel15 (overall): Yay more reviews! Um, yes, and I would have to say that the Tobi/ Single Ladies dance was my favorite one to write, personally! XD And uh oh! Haley's in a love triangle! And with Konan, she's kinda quiet, but when she talks, it's just… hellishly funny at the end. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you read more!**

**Good! Those are done! And to mention… I got 200 comments! (dances around in joy) I would like the thank you all soooo freaking much for supporting this story, and giving so many great and wonderful comments! **

**So here you go, after A MONTH now, we have our most suspenseful chappie eva! Press the play button! **

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So we all came back to the main place, or the meeting place with the fire-pit, and I met Kakuzu and Kisame there, again, bitching about my bitchiness. Great. There's a conversation. 'Oh! Let's talk about how much Haley is being a brat about who she chooses?' 'Oh, yeah! And we can also say how oblivious I am for not choosing Casey and not the blonde girl, because I'm SOOOO attracted to blondes!' Stubborn assholes. Well, I can't blame 'em. I'm just so darn adorable.

So we met up with Leader of the Losers, and he was just as pissed as ever. He even had the diva thing going on, with his arms crossed and the lip out. Geez, Princess.

"Alright, let's start immediately. We have everyone present except for… oh blessed me." He scanned the crowd with the buggars, and nothing was clearly right for Captain Buggars and his problems. I liked how he used 'blessed me' instead of 'blessed god'. What an ego on that guy… it's almost on a whole new level, a level that one can be reached by one person. And that person would have to be Dei-Dei.

Speaking of, Pein didn't see him in the crowd. "Where are Sasori and Deidara?"

"The hell should I know, Gingie," I recalled, grinning in fond memories, "I remember Sasori being put together by his boyfriend and that boyfriend's girlfriend, but it was pretty perverted... but I haven't seen them in a few." I chuckled from the scenes of Sasori blushing on Deidara touching his little Pinocchio butt. That was a sight to see. Two wooden moons.

"Well, great," Magneto replied, rubbing his temples, "That's great news."

Like magic, there were Princess Blonde, Justice, blinding everyone with her teeth, and Sasori… with his parts all rearranged. Well, everything was in order, except for the fact that his butt was seen in the front and not the backend. Great, a full view. "Someone…. Get me a cloak. NOW."

A few snickers were heard from the back rows and progressed to the front, Sasori-no-dignity had grabbed a cloak in Konan's hand, put it on, and then, being the redhead snoot that he is, flipped 180 to face the back and proceeded sitting with the others. But he wore the cloak so that the midsection would show with the legs… and there was full puppet butt in the front. Wow! I knew he had no balls! Heh. Sasori-no-nuts.

He sat down, glaring at Justice, who I KNEW for a fact had done that. Nice one, Justice! I gave her thumbs up and chuckled, feeling better about the whole situation. She grinned happily like a real Tobi, and cuddled up to Deidara, whom I saw was caught in the irresistible gaze of Sasori's front ass.

"MOVING ON!" Pein continued, sweating and was very awkward about this, "Um… Hidan..."

"…GODDAMNIT! HERE!"

We all turned to the direction of Hidan's voice of reason, and he was hopping to us, on one head, decapitated. Kakuzu snickered darkly beside me. "Oh, I love when that happens. He's more of a pain though…"

"Deer again, Hidan?"

"SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. BITCH."

"Ouch, harsh," I commented, rolling my eyes in desperation, "I thought you had, ya know, a body?"

He hobbled over, or at least, trying to make an attempt. "Well, I WOULD, if that bitch Casey and her pack of deer dicks trampled the living shit outa me… and then she got her gay-ass friend free. Good riddance, I say, he tried to hit on me. Pansy ass."

Pein twitched. "So… SHE LOST OUR CAPTIVE?"

Then as soon as the words came dripping out of his mouth (get it?), Casey, with a crown on her head, burst in with her collection of warrior deer, and hopped off. "Thanks Butterscotch! Here's a twenty. Take care!" As soon as the deer went off with the money, Casey looked blankly at all of us. "So what's up? Leader, you look godly as usual, Kisame, hot and buff as ever, and… Sasori? Nice look." She sat down casually, and about everyone except for Kisame, Justice and I were going to blow up in fury. "What?"

"YOU JUST RELEASED A PRISONER?"

"Well, yeah!" she explained, claiming her point to Pein, who was looking majorly depressed right now, "Sai was nice to me, and said that he would throne me Queen of the Deer-Riders if I let him go. So…! That's how I got this crown!" She removed it from her light brown head, and shown that it was Sai's, from the drawn black ink. Then she smiled devilishly as she put on top again.

"I hate all of you except for Konan," Leader murmured, but changed into his Leader's voice of godliness, with the buggars out again. "And you three girls… you are all in such deep trouble. First you make Itachi blind, then you twist Sasori's… 'behind'… the wrong way, and then you decapitate Hidan with deer! Oh dear me, you will be on all of your knees, begging for mercy from consequences."

He did it again. 'Oh dear me'. You might as well call yourself Deidara of Iwagakure and put your hair up in a diva ponytail.

"So this is settled. Since the prisoner had 'escaped', we need an alternative route to find the kyuubi. So either we need to torture you girls into submission, or we travel… AGAIN."

"WE'RE NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING!"

"Then we have no choice."

Oh shit, this isn't going to go well. Next to me, Kisame and Kakuzu, my two quarrelling soap opera lovers, had grabbed my arms as well as Justice's for Deidara and Sasori, whom both smiled evilly. They lifted us up as Casey was astonished by the betrayal of our members. "Help! HELP!"

Casey, sitting next to Itachi, had gotten up quickly, and Itachi, with his incapability to properly see, had attempted to grab her, but failed entirely and tripped on his own feet. Tobi/ Madara, who was acting hopelessly confused, had chased goofily after Casey, whom had run off into the deeper woods.

"NO! CASEY! DON'T LET HIM GET YOU! HE'S EVIL!"

"RUN CASEY RUN!" I screamed desperately, trying to wiggle my way through. Hey! Two worm arms! I'm getting there… slowly and shortly. "Guys, I thought we had a deal! I don't care about your little drama problems… I love you both! I just don't know who to choose!"

No response. Thanks, you assholes. Then, and chop came upon my neck, and everything turned as black as Itachi's failed vision.

. . .

I woke up, I think a few minutes later, tied up to a tree. Yay. Way to start off the day.

"Haley, you up?" The person beside me was Justice, yawning and stretching her arms from the bond of the rape tape. Oh god. Not the pink rape tape… Deidara and Sasori got into this too.

"Yeah… what the hell happened? I thought we were on their side! I mean, Deidara grabbed you, and I don't think I heard him talk!"

"He didn't either! I didn't hear Kakuzu-kun or Kisame-kun! You think something happened?"

"Well hell yeah!" I shook the tree, trying to squiggle my way out. Yes. Squiggle. Look it up. It's there in the dictionary. Well, I call the dictionary the dic. Heh. But let's move on from my perverted brain and ADHD, even though it could be entertaining. "I have a fishy feeling, and it's not Kisame this time."

"Hello girls."

I gave the ultimate stare-down. "Madara Uchiha. It's nice to see you again. NOT!"

The King of the Sharingan entered the dark woods with a hard look to his eye, and laughed despicably under his mask. I struggled while Justice kicked to be set free. "So… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?"

Madara was being a drag queen, or in this case, a stereotypical villain who gives away the plot and the plan before getting his ass kicked by the good guys. "Well, it was easy, even for your little girls who don't understand anything in our more superior universe. We need the kyuubi's location. And to obtain that, we needed to capture you in some way, so I decided to play the Sharingan game. Each member was manipulated by me and me personally to capture you, even with your lovers standing right next to you. So it was plain as day to capture you both from there."

"Well, I'm impressed, Madara Uchiha," I swallowed, gulping down my words, "I would applaud, but my hands are kinda stuck! So… what do you plan on doing to us?"

"Well…" Here goes the notorious Cinna-bum and his special plans. "…I plan to follow with the original plan and hypnotize the both of you… we need a few slaves around here… and then destroy you both when we finally capture and obtain the kyuubi."

"And then you get all of the power, money, land, and girls you want."

"Exactly." Wow, what a pig. I'm ashamed of the Uchiha roots. I wonder if Sasuke will end up this way. Except for the part about women… only Naruto would show up, ready to be in Sasuke's arms… but I'll save the yaoi for another time. "Well, whatever. Time to become my slaves, girls!"

He directed his glare to Justice, who was too late to close here eyes, but she continued to stare, her eyelids now becoming heavy and fixed, and her posture was straightened. "NO! JUSTICE!"

"And now you… Haley van Peterson…"

"WAIT! WAIT! I KNOW WHERE THE KYUUBI IS!"

Madara paused. "Do you now, after all this time?"

I nodded, still cringing my eyes closed. "Uh huh!" Since my mind was kinda in the loop, with the hamster on the wheel running big time, and my heart stammering out of my ribcage, I thought of the dumbest idea yet. "It's… you have to find the cube…"

"What cube?"

"That cube… the cube of Rubik!" There it just all came out. In one little idea composed of a 50's fad that's impossible to solve.

"What's this… cube of Rubik?"

I opened my eyes finally, and he deactivated his Sharingan, but Justice was still drooling on the tree. Typical Might Guy behavior. Even when not conscious they always act like the same comedic person. "Well, it's a cube only found in one location on the US. It'll lead us right to the kyuubi… just… don't kill us!" I pretended to cringe again, and Madara bought all of that shit, eating it up for breakfast. A big heaping bowl of bullshit, ready to go. "Hm, well, tell me where it is!"

"In Las Vegas!"

He stiffened a bit, and I really wanted to laugh in his face right now, for just acting this way. He mused, scratching his mask like it was really a part of his face. "Hm. Good. I'm satisfied that you tell me this. You and your friend will go… but only on the condition that you are right." He snapped his gloved fingers like Beyonce in Single Ladies (ah, good times… bah! I miss Tobi and his dancing!) and Justice woke up mentally, blinking rapidly and turning her head. "Holy flippin' waffles! Oh! Hi Haley! Hi Tobi!"

"You both may go. But just be certain that you are right, Haley van Peterson, and that this Cube of Rubik can lead us to the kyuubi."

The ropes undid themselves as he left the room, wiggling and squirming like snakes on the ground. He could be freaking Pedo-Snake with that move and kidnapping little innocent children like that. Justice turned to me in shock and a smile.

"YOU ACTUALLY TOLD HIM THAT? Haley-sama, I love ya!"

She caught me into a Justice sandwich, and gripped me so tightly that my bone mass shrank. I tried to breath for air, and she let go. "Well, hopefully this plan works and we're still alive by the end… by the way, where the hell is Casey?"

Oh shit! Where the hell is she…?

. . .

Casey's Point of View (For Once!)

Well, this is going well. I think Butterscotch and I lost that Masked Freak a while ago. Hopefully Haley-Senpai and Justice are alright…

Oh well. I'll catch up with them later. Right now, though…

"Onward to Vegas, Butterscotch! I'll owe ya a Benjamin on the way over so that you guys can stop for some high class McDonalds! Yeehawh!"

So we all galloped into the distance with my Sai-made crown and my army of deer. Time to go win the lotto.


	30. Moolah and Fishybacks!

**So… you didn't expect me to be out for that long, right?**

**Yep. So I'm having fun with summer. I have excuses, somewhat. Not good ones, but manageable ones. Sort of. Okay, I've just been having the disease of laziness. (Crowd: GASP!)**

**Yep. The laziness disease. Population and infectors… the author of this fanfic. BUT! I recovered. YAY! So let's run this ting and get some story read! **

**And my dear lovely commenter's!**

**- Britt3899 (chap. 29): Why did I think that too once I came up with it? Haha, I bet that's in a fan art of some kind… I swear I saw it on dA… thanks for reviewing! :D**

**-alyssaangel15 (chap.29): A Rubik's cube: IMPOSSIBLE TO SOLVE. I tried, I failed. Or I just tried for like… a minute and gave up due to the laziness disease. :P And heck no! Hidan is cursed by the Nara family to be haunted by dears forever! ): sad, but in my sense, kinda funny!**

**-Akatsuki's a bang (chap.29): I'M SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK! (hugs) I understand business! Trust me! Queen of busy! And I get the shit from a place called my brain. :P Kidding! But sometimes… it just comes out. In messy globs called my fan fictions XD Thanks for commenting, and welcome back!**

**- Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.29): I kinda stole your idea… 0_0 for something you'll find out in the update, but don't criticize meh! Hopefully you find it though! :D Oh, and bhahaha… oh, Kakuzu's gunna die and be buried in Vegas. His casue of death will be be five heart attacks due to excessive gambling. XD**

**-Jestie Uchiha (chap.29): All hail to the deer queen! (Who is hopefully seeing this and laughing her ass off) Thanks for reviewing!**

**-GEMfaerie (chap.29): XD Omg, Osu should hear this! (her character) :D Casey… is an interesting one… but she, as you said… IS FLIPPING AWESOME!**

**-AnimeStoryLover (chap.29): Bhaha, now Kakuzu sounds like a dinosaur! (The Rapeanator! Coming to eat your hearts!) XD And with Casey's luck, she probably will! :D**

**-myviolaismylife27 (chap.2): AWW thank you! XD I personally love that line too! :3**

**-ErinEhmazing (chap.29): I live to make you laugh… and SUFFER. XD I kid! Well, anyways, I love that part with the Sasori's butt… makes me laugh just thinking about it… and you will find one in the first part! It's in there, my dear younger sis! :D**

**So yay! All done. Now, I have to warn the public. There will be tone deaf blondes in this production, and by the way, if the songs are familiar to you, bring it up if you have it, and match up the lyrics to the beat! It works! :D**

**So have fun learning new songs, and COMMENT, BIATCH! **

* * *

So. Yay. Since my little incident with the man himself, we have to go to Las Vegas.

This. Will. Be. AMAZING.

So where did this thing leave off… oh yes! Okay, so me and Justice got out of the rape tape trees, and apparently Madara used his little precious eye and released everyone else from the gen-jutsu, the majority completely unaware what the hell went on. Except for poor Casey, of course. She ran away, but for you worrywarts, stop pissing in your pants like Mr. Leader God. She's probably leading her steed to Vegas right now.

"Wow, Blondie… so we're going to the big city?" Kisame asked, all of us piling in tightly onto the Aka-Bus.

I grinned with wild enthusiasm. "Oh yes, Fishie Man. Hopefully you don't get drunk on me, or you have the bad options to deal with. Number one…" I held up one finger, "… don't end up like Zach Galifianakis. Two… just remember this message. What happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas."

"Alright, everyone here?" The Prick Leader asked, while Konan just jumped into the front seat, calling total shotgun. Smooth, Konan! Let's not risk our lives with someone on coffee high! Yay!

"Um… no?" I answered truthfully, seeing Sasori-no-backbutt cuddling next to Deidara, Kakuzu debating with Pein about the cost of the gas spent trying to get here and then the big party city, and Justice with Tobi, playing with Deidara's hair like its silly sting. "Um, Casey's on the loose, and Hidan the Stripper Priest is also not present. And also Psycho."

"Who's Psycho?"

"You know who I'm talking about, Captain Planet." I snickered, and Pein sighed again, begging for a way out of this. He looked across while I did as well. There we saw Immortal Idiot dropping a squat, pulling down the Jashin pants. I had to keep my virgin eyes fully virgin.

"STOP YOU! YOU'RE NOT DROPPING A SQUAT NEAR A WOMAN PRESENCE!"

"What bitch presence? I'm takin' a shit whether you like it or not!" Oh lord, where is a censure bar when you need it?

So he dropped, and I covered my eyes and groaned. And even better. I decided to comment while doing so. "OH MY GOD! WHAT A SMALL PACKAGE! I thought a caterpillar was small, but that thing is small as-"

"Shut up, bitch!" Whizzing presumed, and then something came out of the ground where Hidan was pulling out the old noodle.

"**Son of a weed!"** You just pissed on us, you human asshole!" And there was Zetsu, standing up with a face full of Hidan whiz. "**I was photosynthesizing!"**

The Plant man was getting quite pissed and went up against the Jashinist, swearing to himself that he would tear and eat his bones. Hidan, in defense, put himself in a fetal position of panic.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY, DAMN IT!"

. . .

"Nice welt, Hidan. And by the way, don't pull on those stitches too tightly… your head might roll off… AGAIN."

So we were here, driving in the Aka-bus… this is it. The ultimate party place. The heaven of drinking, women, parties, and GAMBLING OFF KAKUZU'S MONEY. Colored lights flashed and city buildings were in every direction that Konan was driving, and Leader of the Losers was fast asleep, a little drool coming off the side of his mouth. Ew. That needs to be checked. And by Konan's grossed out expression, she non-verbally agreed with me. So we pulled over to the Mirage hotel and casino, and OH BOY. That building was huge. Huger than Deidara's ego, and that alone is pretty damn big.

So we all got out. And Justice was already twirling in the fountains outside. "Woohoo! Hey guys, join in! Deidara-kun…"

"I'm out, hm… I just love the statues outside, but they don't compare to my art. I mean, look at that one…" he pointed to the mini statue of liberty, "It looks like Sasori-no-danna's grandmother!"

"Well, at least it doesn't look like you, Deidara," Sasori commented, hopping out the bus with his butt out. Aw, someone still loves his grandmamma! Granny's boy!

So we continued walking, and Kakuzu was already complaining. "This is the city of crap, more like. Why would I ever want to spend my precious money on this… gambling? It's like a swear in my book. And all that gas, we have barely ten million dollars left! Every penny is precious-"

"Oy, Kakuzu-kun," I intervened, "It's not all about the money. So shut up and live a little, old man."

"Yeah, old dick!" Hidan agreed, but I wasn't talking to him. He showed his noodle to me and my now non-virgin eyes. Not cool.

"Hidan, talk to the hand. Not my hand; Deidara's hand. Maybe it can give you some advice on how to keep your pants on."

The whole crowd went: "OHHH! Burn!" Hidan head dropped, carrying his scythe as support. Wow, he really does look like an old man now. Him and Kakuzu, the old man squad. I can see that working out.

So Madara came up to me. Damn, not the icy voice again. "You better show me to that Cube of Rubik before I get really mad."

I snickered. "Don't worry, Mardy!"

"Mardy?"

"Hell yeah, Mardy! We'll get your little cube in a bit, but for right now, just relax! We're in Vegas! Come on, think about it… there are girls for you, casinos, drinks… fun for an old man like yourself!"

He sighed. "You owe me."

"I'm glad you can compromise, Cinabum!"

So we finally traveled to see what was downtown. And there was a parade. This only means one thing.

. . .

All the Akatsuki were in the side of the parade, apparently really confused.

"I would like to dedicate this next song, to a man who doesn't believe in the rights of gambling here in the city… personally, this is for you, St. Stitches."

Kakuzu stiffened in horror. "Only one person in the world calls me that… damn. She's on the mic!"

All of them turned. And there I was, on the biggest float on the parade, with mic in hand and dancers in the background. The music started playing, and the beat overcame, with my darling voice coming into play. I grinned evilly as Kakuzu's mouth dropped.

"_You gotta help me out… it's all a blur last night, we need the Aka-bus, cause' you're too greedy, and I'm broke. I lost my identity, and you lost your sanity, spare me a freaking penny now just don't blame me._

_You want to cash out, and get the hell outa town! Don't be a baby, remember what ya told me!_

_Shut up! And put your money where your mouth is, that's what you get for coming here to Vegas! Get up! And stop giving the famous stare down, that's what you get for coming here to Vegas!_

_Why are you so damn old? This is not what you told… dressed up like Dei-Dei, why am I wearing this bad wig? Don't call up on Hidan, cause now we're partners in crime! Don't be a baby, remember what you told me!_

_Shut up! And put your money where your mouth is, that's what you get for coming here to Vegas! Get up! And stop giving the famous stare down, that's what you get for coming here to Vegas!_

_You got me into this, St. Stitches overload! Zetsu just lost control! Send out for Akatsuki… and get some cash out… we're gunna gamble the lot! Oh, don't be a baby, remember what you told me!_

_Remember that you're 92… remember that you're 92, 92, 92…_

_Oh! Woah Woah! _

_Shut up! And put your money where your mouth is, that's what you get for coming here to Vegas! Get up! And stop giving the famous stare down, that's what you get for coming here to Vegas!_

_That's what you get, old man! Bring out the money! Bring, bring, bring out the moolah!_

_Give me some cash out, baby, give me some cash out baby!"_

I was in sweat and tears after that. That must be my best performance yet. Ever. All of the crowd gave out cheers and some pics were taken of the now famous Haley van Peterson, now bringing her career into Las Vegas, surrounded by adoring fans. But unfortunately for me, I was being surrounded by all Akatsuki, at least, they were trying to. I wanted one last song before I actually got caught. I wanted to stall. And this one was for Senor Sushi.

"Okay, okay! This is also for a man whom thinks he's got all the blondes on their toes, beggin' for more. So Kisame… this is for you!"

The music started, and I was in a panic as some members tried to climb the float. Kisame, however, was turning purple by my mention of his name. This will be fun indeed.

"_He's bringing fishyback, yeah! The other sharks don't know how to act, yeah! I think it's weird once he's on your back, yeah! So turn around and give him a smack! Yeah! Kick him in the balls!_

_Fishy babe, I see those gills, baby I'm your slave! You're gunna kill me if I misbehave, it's just that no one thinks about my say, uh huh! Take it to the judge!_

_Come here shark! Go ahead, shave me with it! Samehada! Go ahead, get it on with it! S.O.S! Go ahead, Jaws, be with it! Get back to the sea! Go ahead, now go in it! _

_Let me see what's behind the cloak? Go ahead, I can cope with it! Dirty song, ain't it? Go ahead, make fun of it! Ya make sharks mad, go ahead, make fun of 'em! Bleu man! Get your fishy on! Get your fishie on! Get your fishie on…? Get your fishie on."_

Getting too close…! So they closed on me, and brought me out of the floatie, the dancers waving and saying goodbye. Thanks, ya bunch of she-males. "Wait! I'm available pretty much everyday except for Weasel and Fishie Stomping Day! And Christmas! And Hanukah! But I'm not Jewish! And my birthday! And whenever I get the hell outa here!"

So they dragged me out. Yay for appreciation. And thumped me in the ground. Justice started screaming up and down, like a Tobi on sugar high. Br. Even I shiver at the thought. "OMG! HALEY! YOU WERE SOOOO GOOD!"

"I was good, wasn't I, Kakuzu, Kisame?"

They both sighed, dragging me by my feet to the hotel. "Sure, sure…" they both grumbled as the group went along. Oh well. I guess my singing career could be looked at.


	31. In the FACE, Dei!

**Well, we meet again, readers…**

**SORRY IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME! I apologize! (bows down to you all)… Summer's busier for me than the school year, surprisingly…**

**So! Let's get on with the comments! And the best chapter ever!**

**-untfastic (all comments): THANKS SO MUCH! :D I'll try to be David Cook or Jeff Dunham one day XD but I'm so glad that you like it! ^^**

**-shizu-chan is awesome (chap.7): Aw thanks a lot! I'm glad it's funny! ^^**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas (chap.30): Well, that's a good way to die, isn't it? XD Poor Kisame and Kakuzu… that's why I'm done torturing them for this chapter… onto the others (thunder and lighting in the background) heh heh heh… :D**

**-BridgeFan15 (chap.30): I'm really glad you liked the quote… personally one of my fav's too :3 Yes, Kisame will ALWAYS get drunk first XD, and I would totally love that fanfic! Do it! :D**

**-alyssaangle15 (chap.30): I thought they were better too XD and hidan has no shame. He just whips off his clothes and streaks half of the time :P And Haley is touring worldwide now! :D**

**-Akatsuki's a bang (chap.30): I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK! And summer's almost over for me… which sucks big time. And absolutely sing it! Tribute to Haley van Peterson! :D**

**-Jestie Uchiha (chap.30): XD to Zetsu… I planned for that to happen since forever :P And Madara is ALWAYS duped :D**

**-GEMfaerie (chap.30): Of course she does! XD She's holding a concert worldwide! And she's planning on it!**

**-obitoforever (chap.30): I love your reviews! :3 And yeah, I thought of songs that matches, and I was like: HELL YES! When I found the perfect ones :D And thanks for the youthful week(s)! **

**-OsuwariKawaii (chap.30): LOVE YA DUDE! (hug) now you're done waiting for the new update! :D**

**-Britt3899 (chap.30): Thank you! (bows down, grabbing a bunch of roses and blushes)**

**-eclipsetheawesome (chap.14): Hey! I would love to but, I have to find the right time to add her in :P So just PM me with more details! **

**So we're all good with that, so let's get the the best chapter ever written by miragechick2! Yayz!**

**By the way, I do not own the Hangover, but I do own at being me ;P**

**So thanks for the SUPER long wait, guys, and sorry for holding up the traffic! Ja ne! :D **

31

I must say this before proceeding with the story… whatever HAPPENS in Vegas… STAYS in Vegas.

Okay, I'm all good. Just keep on reading on this awesome fanfic that in fact happened to me, the infamous Haley van Peterson, the greatest singer in the world, as said from the previous moments ago that I was on stage, and in fact, performing just as well as anyone I know. J-Biebz couldn't do a better job, and yet, he has an even higher voice than me, and pretty much every girl on the planet. But I would be the envy of all the girls in the world. I've got the best man ever… he's dreamy…

"We're not dragging you all the way there…" he snorted, giving me his infamous terrorist glare.

He's totally nice…

"Stop squirming, you bitch!"

And he's pretty much the most generous guy out there….

"You're wasting me money, you! I'm going to tear your heart out so that I have SIX hearts now! How's that sound?"

Yep. That's Kakuzu for you, fans of Justin Bieber. But don't forget the guy you all want to meet for the rest of your lives is NOT a MEMBER of the AKATSUKI. And ALL of them love me.

"Fucking bitch, I don't wanna carry her, Kakuzu-dick!"

"Yeah, she smells too, hm. I'm not carrying someone with all that sweat on her!" Wow, Little Miss Muffin Blondie Top doesn't want to get his paws dirty. And what can I say! Dancing on that float was hard work, and it was hot up there with all those lights! Give me a break, Dei-Princess.

So here we are. The Mirage Hotel. With all the Akatsuki. The question is…

"Alright… SO WHO'S GUNNA GET DRUNK FIRST?"

Everyone turned to me with a glare. I think they're had enough with my vocal chords. And my voice in general. I tried to make it up, showing a messy smile. "I think it's going to be Kisame…!"

Kisame coughed. "Uh… NO!"

"Excuse me Sharky; you've had experiences in the past with the seven swordsmen, right? You thought Haku was a girl that night and-"

"HEY, HEY, BLONDIE!" About now he was red with blush. "It was ONE night, and EVERYONE thinks Haku is a girl!"

"And now Zabuza was jealous, and kicked you out of the swordsmen, right? And that's how you went into Akatsuki, hm?"

"Hell no! That village is a lie!"

Pein was in hot pursuit, his vein throbbing from his oversized forehead. "Stop. Before I send Zetsu in to eat you both. See, there are ANBU stationed over there. I don't want us to cause a racket. Especially you, Haley-chan."

He turned to see two policemen snacking on some coco donuts. Typical. Probably walking about their naggy wives or something like that. But then they looked right back at us with raised eyebrows. Then they looked back, chatting about a piece of paper they inspected. Then they came wobbling towards us with their whistles and red faces. Uh oh, the Po-po are suspicious!

"Excuse me gentleman and ladies, have you seen this girl right here?" One bearded cop asked, pointing to the picture. They both needed the muscle to life up the flimsy wanted sign, and it revealed to be a VERY SEXY blonde girl with a red dress. Holy shit, that's me, robbing the New York Bank!

"The chief said that she was 5 foot 5, blonde, blue eyes, a teenager, and living in New York. Her parents called in from Cancun to check on her, but she did not answer the phone at home, so they got worried and called the police, and they immediately indicated the said girl for robbing the New York bank and kidnapping the president."

Oh my god. My parents. They're gunna freaking KILL me. Their little princess robbed a bank and kidnapped a president. Again, holy shit. I'm fucked. …and I won't get my new manga in like… forever!

"The chief also mentioned that she was hanging out with fellas that have black cloaks, and… red flowers?"

"CLOUDS!" Pein-in-the-arse complained, stomping his feet, but smiling when the saw the suspicion of the two chubby-bunnies. "Ah hem. And we DO in fact have your little criminal right here… please take her away from here! You don't know how many pants have been SOILED due to her!"

That son of a bitch is going to sell me out.

"Okay, okay, thank you very much, Mr…"

"…um, Mr. … Dr. Evil."

There's a face-palm. Konan glared at him, and the two policemen were too attentive on their donuts than anything else. "Okay, found her!"

My heartbeat was at a 808, my hands couldn't get any sweatier, and there was no escape from the crimes that I've committed, and I can only think one thing before these cops hand me in. _Make sure Sasori doesn't touch my old barbie dolls, PLEASE make sure Sasori doesn't touch my old barbe dolls… OH NO!_

I was closing my eyes on the spot, cringing for the handcuffs. But after a few, I looked up, not seeing those cops near me and also the jaw dropped faces of everyone else. I looked ahead; Deidara was being dragged to the nearest police car.

Well, first thing that came to my mind was complete fury. Why the hell would they mistake Princess Peach for me? I don't even have the mouth tongues going on! I DON'T think art is a bang, and if a tried to make a sculpture, it would just crap in my face. Yep. Art is an explosion… on my face. That one I would give to Deidara. But REALLY? I know he's the girlie type, but hell man, I'M NOT A BOY! Even if I cosplayed him, I wouldn't even look close to him, even if I added the little soprano Dei-Dei tone, it still wouldn't be good enough to pass.

Then I felt relief that he went instead of me. Oh yeah, Haley van Peterson can go out to perform again for my millions of fans! (By the way, readers, I love bluffing, so you're going to hear a crap load of it.) But poor Deidara of Iwagakure has to go in my place… I SAY WE HAVE A PARTY!

"Get in the car, blondie. Your parents are going to have a long talk for what you've done."

"WHAT THE HELL? I'M INOCENT, HM! She did it, you hear! Never forget that art is a bang!"

Then a kid with a lollypop passed by, eyeing Deidara, laughing while his mother tried to pull him away. Deidara was pissed enough, so he kicked his lollypop to the ground. The little chubby boy didn't cry, but looked to the girly-man for revenge as his mother had dragged him by the leash. But anyways, Deidara was being dragged away to the van.

Pinocchio was probably heartbroken. But for me, I was enjoying the narrow escape.

"Woot! Bitches! Haley van Peterson's in the h-ow-se! She just escaped the police! And poor Princess is done for-"

Someone grabbed my neck out of the clearing. Oh shit. It's glary-eyes with his purple rings of doom, trying to get me to shut up. Good try, Captain Planet, but I'm going to perform worldwide! So I started to air dance, trying to do the Cotton Eyed Joe.

"Stop dancing, girl!" Pein snapped, squeezing my neck like it was Hinata's that one time with Naruto. "We need Deidara. So we have to… ugh… TALK to the ANBU about making a deal to set him free."

"Ha… HA! Good one, ya big goof!" I tried to ya know, elbow him for the end of the joke, but he only made me back off with the growth of his big buggars. King of the Mosquitoes has a point, though. Deidara is part of the group, and he entertains me by trying to defend when I call his art crap. It brings me joy. (hehe, relying on someone's misery reminds me of cinna-bum.)

I sighed dramatically. "Okay, okay. So we'll get Deidara back… good luck with that, though! The police are hard to get to!"

Pein smiled for that once in a lifetime. "That why we're here."

"Huh?"

. . .

So you're wondering what happened, huh? Well, let's just say that this was not a good day for me. But then, it was the best. Let me show you guys.

"I'm going to what? God, not again! I'm so SICK of you people torturing me by wearing this!"

"It's the only clothes we have! And with Kakuzu acting like the father, we need something other than your 'I Heart NYC' t-shirt and your jeans!"

Yep. Haley van Peterson's in the same red dress from when we robbed the bank. To seduce the flabby policemen. And I have Kakuzu as the father, wearing the worst and fakest mustaches I've ever seen. Oh great Jashin, if you exist, please kill these people with your epicness! Or just send in Might Guy from the sky to rain on the Akatsuki and kick their asses with youth. I'd like that better. It's a funny way to die.

So we met outside the Las Vegas Police Station. Oh boy. And everyone was nose bleeding, except for Justice and Konan, who were praying for me to not get killed.

"Don't worry Haley, if you die, I'll make the paper flowers for your coffin."

"Oh, THANKS SO MUCH KONAN."

Pein was getting testy. "Go in there. You two converse with them, or we'll have your head on one of my posts."

Geez, Buggar King (hehe, burger King), no need to threaten the most awesome blonde in the world. I breathed in and out. Here we go. Let's get this over with, assholes.

"I hope that this is the ONLY thing we do that is family related, HORNY PORNY. Stop looking down my dress."

He coughed, fixing his mustache. "Just to get 'your daughter' back. And I'm not. You have small ones anyway."

"EXCUSE ME, You FUCKING… GAH! GOD! YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE MY DAD! He doesn't even have a mustache!"

"Well, it's the best we have. Let's just go. And get him back before I explode."

So I entered with one high heal to the inside of the building, and I gradually made my way in. "Hello gentleman. I'm… Haley's mother-"

"And I'm Haley's father," Kakuzu interrupted, pushing me a nudge, closing the door, "Uh, what are we in for? You called us because our daughter was not home."

Good one, St. Stitches. Maybe you should join me in my spectacular singing and acting tour worldwide. I smiled sweetly (which was painful for my muscles to perform, by the way), and made my way to the two chairs near the two donut-eating cops.

"Yes," one of the cops spurted out, trying to eat his chocolate sprinkles in peace, "She was arrested for robbing the New York Bank, and kidnapping the president with a bunch of guys with black cloaks. She stole ten million dollars and was singing up on the parade when we caught her a few minutes ago."

I love how oblivious they are. One, they could have known that the 'guys' that I was walking with were the ones that helped me achieve these things. And two, A FEW MINUTES AGO? My parents would have flown from NYC to Las Vegas. That's at least six hours. I think they were just paying attention to their donuts the entire time.

"Hm, yes," Kakuzu pondered, again, gluing his mustache back on his face, "Honey, I think we should get her now."

I nodded in panic. "Oh, absolutely. I agree. We'll just be picking her up then-"

"Not so fast, hot stuff," the other policemen eyes, giving the Hidan eyebrows at me. Gosh, he's even worse than Pink eyes. He was just finished with another honey glazed. "We need to settle an agreement first. See, your daughter is a criminal, and she's not getting out that easily."

I sighed, reaching for the checkbook. "How much do you need-"

"NOOOOOO!" (You can guess who that was), and the policemen all stared. Kakuzu panicked, and shrugged, again fixing his mustache. Honey-glazed and Choco-sprinkles rose eyebrows, and looked to each other, and nodded.

"Alright, we'll let your daughter out… but we have to name terms."

I cleared my throat, smirking. "Then name 'em, buddy."

. . .

May I just say that the consequences are the best rewards. Now you learned your moral of the day from Haley van Peterson.

So me, Justice, and the Akatsuki were gathered in a police station room, with desks and chairs all full of kids from the Police Academy Learning Program. Or P.A.L.P. for short. If anyone knows where this is going, imagine that room in that specific movie.

"What the fuck are we doing here?" whispered Hidan, completely shocked that we got Dei out of jail and into here.

"I dunno, hm, but I got out. I'm just happy about it! I get to explode the police station afterwards, hm!"

"Oh boy!" Justice screamed, "Haley, I can't believe you got us into this awesome class!"

I smiled manically, me and Justice, sitting in the first row, whipping out the gold ole video camera. This is going to be YouTube PLATINUM. Lord YouTube will be pleases with my worship to him and my awesome videos so far.

Honey-glazed started off the intro. "You're in for a real treat today, kids. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to DEMONSTRATE how a stun-gun is used to subdue a suspect."

OH MY YOUTUBE. THIS COULD'NT BE BETTER.

The children in all the rows, and us, were very excited.

Hidan was panicking big time. "WAIT, WHAT?"

"Did he just say st-st-sun-gun?" Tobi shuddered, trying to envision himself in a happier place. I would bet Kakuzu's fortune that it would sitting on a throne with Konan by his side and our heads on his mantle. Prepare to have your head on a mantle, Mardy Uchiha.

"Now, there's two ways to use a stun-gun. Up close in personal…" Choco-sprinkles had stun-gun ready in his hands, and came near Pein-in-the-ass, the first victim on his list. As he was saying those words, Choco-sprinkles had spiked Pein's pierced neck with the electric weapon. He sang soprano, and then the leader went down faster than the Titanic. And I caught that on tape.

The children laughed, among me and Justice. This was going to be priceless. Lord YouTube will shower me with subscribers.

"Or!" Honey-glazed continued for his rolly-olly partner, "You can shoot it from a distance. Now, do I have any volunteers that wanna come on up here and do some shooting?"

Immediately all hand went up, including mine and Justice's. Honey-glazed caught my hungry eyes and said, "Alright, how about you, young lady? Why don't you come up here?"

YES. JACKPOT.

I got off my seat and grinned wildly. Akatsuki, prepare to meet your worst nightmare.

"Let's go handsome, come on," motioned Choco-sprinkles, telling Hidan to come. Hidan wasn't fully paying attention, still squirming like a worm seeing Pein struggling on the ground, and Kisame went instead. Oh man… he'll be a fish stick once I'm done with him.

Choco-sprinkles groaned. "Not you, Boston Market, slide it on back. You, pretty boy." The fat man called in Hidan, and he went, still twitching, apologizing ahead of time to Lord Jashin for his humiliation. Once I'm done with him, he won't have a prayer left.

"Okay, now it's real simple," Honey-glazed continued, "All you gotta do is point, aim, and shoot. Alright?"

"Oh, I've got it officer. I've DEFINETLEY GOT THIS ONE. Justice, hold the camera."

Justice nodded repeatedly and took my portal from reality to God YouTube. She zoomed in on my face, and I smiled as I introduced myself. "Alright. I'm Haley van Peterson, and I don't approve of this action. Folks, please don't do this at home, or you'll end up just like this man in front of me."

The children laughed in the background, ready to see me slice it up here.

Hidan saw me with the gun, ready to target where I wanted the electricity to go. Hidan panicked, trying to reason with me. Not happening, you immortal idiot. "You… you don't really want to fucking do this, bitch. You'll be dead with me."

"You can do this, just focus!" Honey-glazed beckoned, trying not to pressure my aim.

"Don't listen to this dickhead, let's think this one through here, bitch!"

"Finish him!"

Like Mortal Combat, it just so happened that I did finish him off. With a lot of electricity. With a shot, the stun-chords went right to his holy package. With a thud, Hidan squirmed on the ground.

This was the proudest moment of my life.

"Yeah! Right in the nuts! That was beautiful!"

"Well done, give her a hand, everybody," Choco-sprinkles added, trying not to roll in laughter.

The children applauded as I sat down, feeling the best I've ever been. I bowed beforehand, and took the camera from a very proud Justice.

"God job, well done. We got one more charge left, anybody want to do some shooting up here?"

All raised their hands in excitement. Wow, they love shocking my teammates! I'm so glad I could be a good role model.

"How about you, big man? Come on up here!"

And it just so happened that Deidara was the last person up. And the kid standing up was the kid whom Deidara had kicked his lollypop. Lollypop-boy was so pumped. More aggressive then I was.

And the famous cowboy staredown began with Lollypop-boy saying, "You're going down, Pansy-ass."

Deidara was shitting his pants as Honey-glazed told him what to do. "Okay, same instructions as before. Point, aim, and shoot." The kid positioned the red light from Deidara's non-existant man jewels to his chest, and to his head. "That's the stuff. I like the intensity. Eye of the tiger, good, you're going 50,000 volts, little man, don't be afraid to ride the lighting."

Shoot, score. Right on Deidara's girl hair and face. The scream was through the roof, and he stood there, coming towards the kid with wide eyes and a scream in between each breath.

"In the face… IN THE FACE!"

"Woah, he's still up!" Choco-sprinkles added, laughing just like the rest of us, "Alright, everybody relax, take it easy, I've seen it before. Girlie man here just needs a little extra shock-!"

He grabbed the handheld and rolled to use it on Dei-Dei's neck, and all went black for him as he flopped onto the police desk like Kisame out of water.

"Come on kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done?"

All raised their hands and proceeded to the other room, leaving us to deal with the three unconscious and flopping bodies. Those poor, sad souls. They made for a really good laugh and video.

. . .

"Fuck those guys," Hidan said, pressing his ball-sack with ice, "And you to, bitch."

"Hey, hey, we got Dei-Dei out of jail, right?" I compromised, raising my hands in the air, "Sasori looks to be the happiest of us all!"

"Hey, hm! I'd rather be in your place in jail for ten years rather than getting shocked by some obese lollypop obsesser, hm!"

"Hey, come on, we got you out, Deidara, just be happy!"

And then, a heard of deer came out of nowhere from the waves of the humidity. And there was Casey and Butterscotch on the rescue. They saw us and ran quicker than the bolts of lighting coursed through the three people's bodies.

"AKATSUKI PEOPLES! AND HALEY-SENPAI AND JUSTICE! I'M HERE TO THE RESCUE!"

"Well, why did you and your little deer friends come EARLIER, HM?"

"We found the best casino ever! And we didn't get that lucky, so we ended up risking it all."

Kakuzu's ears would have perked, and pulled off the glued on mustache. "Wait… HOW… MUCH…"

"Oh, just the whole sack of whatever I stole…"

"TEN MILLION DOLLLARS… YOU RISKED TEN MILLION DOLLARS…" And just like that, BANG! Kakuzu fell fainting on the floor.

Casey frowned as she saw my boyfriend fainting. "What happened today, guys?"

I smiled in pure joy. "It's a long story…"

. . .


	32. Friendship and Hangover Outfits!

**Okay, you people have a right to be mad. I was out for two months. With writer's block and business. **

**With 2 AP courses and pressure of soccer… I can barely keep my scheduele straight. **

**But stay with me here.**

**I'LL NEVER STOP DOING TORTURE until it's done. (Well, after the finale of the planned sequel) ;P**

**So I missed you all! **

**Comments:**

**-NerdHerd15: Oh WOW. My story's on YOUTUBE? Shweetness. I'll try to find your channel :3 **

**-Akatsuki's a Bang: "What Happens in Vegas, Staying in Vegas!" …you definitely got that right. Especially when Deidara is mistaken for Haley (but ya know, it's common for him to be mistaken for a lady, I mean look at his perfect hair!) XD**

**-Britt3899: Aw! Thanks for your Might Guy angel coming down from the sky! XD**

**-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas: I'm glad that you took Dei's arrest in a positive note XD**

**-Jestie Uchiha: I'm so happy I get all of these uppercased comments from you! :D Thanks!**

**-MewMewRuby: You. Made. My week. (gives shower of cyber cakes) I'm so glad that you think it's THAT funny! (I'm not too much of a comedian, but someone's gotta write it! Thanks a bunch for the review!**

**-Fox2319: You may have all the cyber cookies in the world. :D**

**- Lunaria Celeste: Thanks a lot! I'm glad you laughed a lot (:**

**-GEMfaerie: Casey, you have no idea. XD But Casey's adventure… even better. ;P **

**-ErinEhmazing: I forgive you, my dear middle sister. (hugs) And if the Dei-bashing offends you, I have no problems to stop it ;P But I won't. Because I enjoy it. Sasori bashing… even more enjoyable. :D**

**-obitofoever: I haven't watched Part Two either ): and I have read and COMMENTED on your story a few times… funny as hell! XD Thanks for reviewing!**

**-Bloody Massacure: Thanks for all the comments! (If I was Haley, I'd have 'em all to myself ;P)**

**So that's it! Leave a comment… please? (gives puppy dog eyes at readers)**

**Well, I sincerely promise to update A.S.A.P. on Thursdays just like good old times just because my soccer afternoons are pretty much done now (phew)**

**So read the chapter, damn-it! :D **

32

Warning: Please go pee before reading this, and discard any liquids from your computer, as this may invoke laughter that may make you ruin your monitor and/or wet your pants.

I'm talking to you, Pein.

So after our little rendezvous with Honey Glazed and Choco Sprinkles, we all headed out. Madara was being his obnoxious self, talking about 'ruling the world' and all… B.S. with a baloney sandwich with it. We all know that Granny Badass is taking over. So here he is, talking to me like I was inferior to him. Hehe… I cracked a funny.

"So where is this 'Cube of Rubik'? You're not saying very much for someone who someone who swears constantly."

Well, he's got that right. But I ignored him, putting my hands in my pockets. "WELL, Mista Cinnabun-bun, I feel like chilling out tonight. At a hotel or something. I'm TIRED, MANNNN. I need some food… and a good time. I know that Casey spent all the money-"

Casey interrupted me with a huge fake cough. "ACTUALLY, Butterscotch gambled everything. I put him in charge of the slot machines." She grinned evilly. Kakuzu caught a glance of that and criss-crossed applesauce with his eyes. Uh oh. Here goes my psychotic rag doll.

"You… are the WORST… thing to happen to me… EVIL GIRL…"

Wow. And I thought I was bad.

"Hey hey hey!" Casey retorted, trying to hold onto Sai's little gay deer crown of rainbows, "BUTTERSCOTCH gambled it all. Don't blame me. I just sat there drinking a Redbull while he did his magic… the magic power of GETTING RID OF YOUR MILLIONS!" She danced the Caramelldansen while Kakuzu slunk back to his position, literally dragging himself on the ground. Aw. DENIED.

I caught eye of the Mirage hotel again, then… the hamster on the wheel in my brain decided to get it's fatass off the couch and start working out again. I felt more brainpower than BRAINBLAST Jimmy Neutron, or Pinkie transforming into the Brain. I felt like Hidan's intelligence just became Shikamaru's. And THAT'S saying something.

"Here's the hotel! We can crash in there for the night, and have a good time!"

Everyone looked at me with the now regular 'What the Fuck' look. Everyone except for Justice, who pretty much smiles and plays along with what her best friend is playing at. What a brave soul.

Kakuzu turned to me, seeming taller and creepier than ever. Frankenstein's back. "WE… HAVE… no funds…"

"Okay, Wrinkles McGee, here's an obvious. WE'RE THE F***ING AKATSUKI. WE BLAST ASS. We can even make unicorns come flying out of our ASSES… but I prefer that to be avoided."

Hidan frowned. "Damn it! I wanted to try that out!"

"Anyways… remember how you kidnapped me?" Brr… that felt like ages ago. I almost feel as old as Madara or Kakuzu. And that's old. Like older than Granny Badass. I shuttered silently. "Well, you used your awesomeness. You all… oh wait! I robbed the bank of NYC because of MY awesomeness! But off topic; sorry, I was blinded by my God-like abilities."

"Up my ass! You've got nothing on Jashin-sama!"

"You've got nothing on me, little girl! I'm the ONLY god!"

"Okay, Pein-in-the-balls, Church Boy. Geez-"

"PRAISE JASHIN!"

"Someone please bag him!"

Kakuzu smiled as Hidan's mouth remained shut, now permanently stitched. "Got that."

I cleared my throat. "So we're all awesome and what-not. So Dr. Shmex, you can use your little cute thing-a-ma-gig-"

"This is the ultimate eye of the Six Paths, the eye that can cause torture and terror beyond the world's-"

"We don't need the whole story. Save it for Sasuke when he brings home Naruto and tells you he's his boyfriend. THAT'LL be a story. But you can use the Sharingan and knock some people out. Kisame, you can flood the hotel and make a big friggin' pool. Hidan, don't kill anyone. Tobi, don't TOUCH anyone. You may just blow the entire place up with one stupid comment, or whatever Tobi's do. Deidara, don't be a bitch. We can make a runway so you can show off your hair and your pretty art. Sasori, you can videotape it. SLOWLY. For your sake. Kakuzu… keep Hidan with you and don't let him kill anyone. I'd prefer if he's stay away with the drinks. And everything fragile. Pein, don't piss the place. That's Kisame's job to fill the hotel. Konan… hang with us. Girls get girl time off. Any questions? SUCK MY ASS. Good! Let's go, team!"

I put a hand in the middle of the circle. Here's part two of the dynamic teamwork building of youth. "Hmmm… hmmm…."

"What's she doing?"

"Oh money-lords…" Kakuzu slapped his head, "She's doing that again…"

"HMMM!"

Justice laughed. "YES! That's my sensei's dynamic teamwork session! Let's go everyone!"

She put her hand in and grunted like a pig. That's not exactly it, but I'll roll with it. Deidara went in for the sake of Justice, and Sasori went in for the sake of Deidara's love. Casey went in, then Hidan, since he enjoyed it last time. Kisame decided to try it out, but he was snorting half the time. Itachi went to get it over with, but he didn't grunt. "Come on, Dr. Shmex! Like you're giving birth!"

"I do not have the capability to have kids, since I am a man and-"

Casey delivered a swift kick to the man-pouch. "That'll clear things up."

"HMMMMM!" Itachi cringed, putting his hand in. I grinned. "Beautiful, mi compadre, beautiful."

Konan out her perfectly manicured nails in, along with Pein, who had to run to the bathroom anyways. Kakuzu groaned, seeing almost everyone had their hands in. All but Tobi now. Time of the glare of death.

"Tobi, come on!" I gave my kawaii face. I really meant to give him my devil face, but I had to hide his identity by being nice to Tobi. Madara stood there and gave me the Neji glare. Time of a spark of youthfulness.

"HMMMMMMM!"

"Oh, come on, Haley-chan! Let's not be-"

"HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

My glaredown was impossible to break. Not even Madara F***ing Uchiha can stop it."

"Gah! Stop it stop it! Fine, Tobi will do the constipation noise! HMMMMMMMM!"

I got up and smiled evilly. YES! I'm going to owe him bigtime, but still! "Fight! Fight! FIGHT!"

"HUZZAH! Now let's go rock this badboy!"

. . .

Now you're probably thinking: why the hell are there three time periods on the top of this sentence? Well, here's the answer… TIME FLEW.

And that's exactly what I, Haley van Peterson, thought when she woke up next to Sasori on the floor. I saw him sleeping there, totally passed out. With a Sheppard's boy trouser outfit on. And face paint on his forehead that said 'Granny's Boy'. Gee, makes total sense.

But then when I groggily got on my knees, Kakuzu was holding Itachi just like a teddy bear. And Itachi had a bib, and a diaper. NOTHING ELSE.

I managed to think I was first one up, so I staggered to where the door was. When I was walking by my left , Konan was sleeping in a stripper's outfit complete with zebra six inch heels and rainbow fishnet tights with a short mini-skirt. And funny enough, Pein was wearing one too. And to my right was Zetsu in a Mohawk. And some pink stickers on his green over-hanger thingy.

I opened the door. There was Deidara tied up with underwear on, and Tobi with a gun, giving crazy eye. "TAKE IT OFF! I SAID TAKE IT OFF!"

I immediately shut the door on that and everyone got up with that scream.

"Oh god… someone kill me NOW."

"WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?" Haha, Danna got it good. I bet Deidara did all of his decoration. With some fun art going on in between. "I'm in this awful outfit!"

"I think you look cute, danna!" Deidara grinned, trying to claw his way out of the closet.

"SHUT…. UP…."

I turned to a mirror. "Holy… SHIT!" I was wearing a SpongeBob piñata. I checked the inside. There was candy. Madara definitely did this. "Can someone tell me what the HELL happened last night?"

"We're trying to figure that out too." Wow, Dr. Shmex took that one to another level.

"And we're missing four people. Hidan, Casey, Justice, and Boston Market. I bet that Shark Man just walked out and went to a bonfire to get his fish ass fried."

"Well," Konan started, tripping in her high-heels, "Does anyone know what the last thing we all remembered was?"

Pein gulped. "Peeing."

"Well, other than that. Thanks though, honey, for sharing that information."

Wait… I saw a MOVIE about this! Thank the God of DVD for establishing this. "Well, we all got hung-over in Las Vegas."

"WHAT?" Everyone said, looking up with a groggy look in their eyes.

"It means that we drank too much and got screwed. And we probably all got DRUGGED because I can't remember diddly-shit."

"Well… crap," Sasori muttered, still upset and blushing from Deidara's gayish comment, "Only one person in the world would do this, because I felt this way right after he left."

Itachi did a face palm. "I have a bad feeling about who it is."

I almost wet my SpongeBob piñata outfit. "Wait…who?"

The words muttered were about to unravel a mystery never foreseen by anyone, words of perverted importance and reminded me a lot of Michael Jackson and pedofiling.

"Orochimaru."

. . .

**Oh! Didn't except that, did cha?**

**Well, there's about three parts to this epic story, so comment to guess where Casey, Kisame, Hidan, and Justice are, and how the Akatsuki got hungover! **

**So get typing, and I'll try to get back every Thursday from now on! **

**Ja ne! (And happy late Halloween) ;P**


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